Monday, October 18, 2004
Tough Sunday
Yesterday was tough for me. I had my heart set on going to Nashville and worshipping with the Otter Creek family, with my husband by my side. Due to some other commitments we had made, going to Nashville just didn’t fit into our schedule. I don’t know if it was the disappointment of missing the trip or what, but I just didn’t feel connected yesterday. The word that kept popping into my head was disenfranchised, but when I looked it up this morning I think the word irrelevant probably better describes what I was feeling. (I was feeling irrelevant to the Church, not that it was irrelevant) I was reading Mike Cope’s blog this morning about coming to church to be filled up, to be served, and I thought OUCH! Is that what I am doing? But Steve Jr., made a comment that speaks to what I think ails me. He says
“The purpose of meeting together weekly is for edification and encouragement (NOT worship, as many Western churches incorrectly surmise). In an atmosphere of mutual building up and encouragement through the exercising of "each member's gifts," being filled up is inevitable.” And further down in the same comment he says “Problems arise, however, when Christians attempt to slip in and fill up without filling others up. This brand of selfish fill-up is what Paul addresses in I Corinthians 11 and 12, the chapters of the Bible that all too often get used in a context-less and selfish way! Even our set-up in the institutional church doesn't foster the community the Acts church demonstrates and Paul calls for in his letters -- when no difference exists between going to church and going to a movie, something's wrong. We must recognize that true Christian community is at the heart of God's plan for the church's meetings, and that anything that hinders the desire of God's heart must be re-evaluated.”
So what do I take from this and how do I apply it to me? I am somehow missing the edification and encouragement. I know it is my fault partially. The way we “do” church is not condusive to encouraging one another. We do act more like we are going to a movie, get a good seat, settle in, maybe make a restroom or water fountain run, then sit down, look forward and be quiet during the show. Again, maybe the problem is all with me, I know a large part of it is.
The thing is, I want to belong. I want to feel like I am part of something, a group that is making a difference in this world because we love God and are expressing that love back to the community. I love my church family, I have tried to get involved in many, many ways. Somehow I keep failing. The things I mean for good never get off the ground. Perhaps my motives are wrong and that is why I am defeated. Perhaps they are good but Satan puts up bigger road blocks than I can get around. Perhaps I just give up too easily. Whatever the cause, I know that God is bigger than any problem I have. The changes must come from the inside. The serving must start in my everyday life. The edifying and encouraging needs to start with me.
I hate feeling this way. I told God all about it yesterday and it truly helped to get it out in the open. So I share this with you, knowing that I may offend some of you and I am sorry that is not my intent. I am just struggling to find where God wants me to be. Sometimes I am sure I don’t listen and tell Him what I think. But I need His guidance. Life is too short to muddle through without a clear purpose. I know my purpose is to serve Him. I just feel like I am failing at that. Please pray for me.
“The purpose of meeting together weekly is for edification and encouragement (NOT worship, as many Western churches incorrectly surmise). In an atmosphere of mutual building up and encouragement through the exercising of "each member's gifts," being filled up is inevitable.” And further down in the same comment he says “Problems arise, however, when Christians attempt to slip in and fill up without filling others up. This brand of selfish fill-up is what Paul addresses in I Corinthians 11 and 12, the chapters of the Bible that all too often get used in a context-less and selfish way! Even our set-up in the institutional church doesn't foster the community the Acts church demonstrates and Paul calls for in his letters -- when no difference exists between going to church and going to a movie, something's wrong. We must recognize that true Christian community is at the heart of God's plan for the church's meetings, and that anything that hinders the desire of God's heart must be re-evaluated.”
So what do I take from this and how do I apply it to me? I am somehow missing the edification and encouragement. I know it is my fault partially. The way we “do” church is not condusive to encouraging one another. We do act more like we are going to a movie, get a good seat, settle in, maybe make a restroom or water fountain run, then sit down, look forward and be quiet during the show. Again, maybe the problem is all with me, I know a large part of it is.
The thing is, I want to belong. I want to feel like I am part of something, a group that is making a difference in this world because we love God and are expressing that love back to the community. I love my church family, I have tried to get involved in many, many ways. Somehow I keep failing. The things I mean for good never get off the ground. Perhaps my motives are wrong and that is why I am defeated. Perhaps they are good but Satan puts up bigger road blocks than I can get around. Perhaps I just give up too easily. Whatever the cause, I know that God is bigger than any problem I have. The changes must come from the inside. The serving must start in my everyday life. The edifying and encouraging needs to start with me.
I hate feeling this way. I told God all about it yesterday and it truly helped to get it out in the open. So I share this with you, knowing that I may offend some of you and I am sorry that is not my intent. I am just struggling to find where God wants me to be. Sometimes I am sure I don’t listen and tell Him what I think. But I need His guidance. Life is too short to muddle through without a clear purpose. I know my purpose is to serve Him. I just feel like I am failing at that. Please pray for me.
