Joyful Transformation

What would you do if someone tried to dress you up like an elf especially on a day that you felt bad. I might just make a face like this one...


But just so you know most of the time I am very happy!


Don't worry I will have hair one day!

For the better part of my childhood I had one best friend. I had lots of other “good” friends but this one was a soul mate of sorts. She and I were the tomboys. We played football and basketball. We would go on hikes and go swimming and fishing. She was the one who handed me my first cigarette (was close to my last, didn’t care for the whole smoking thing, thank goodness). We slipped out of the house at night together; covered for each other when we were dating and not supposed to be. We were close to inseparable for a long time. When I met David I started spending all of my free time with him. I would talk to him on the phone for an hour at a time and my friendship suffered from lack of attention. We remained friends, but it was obvious I was not going to give her the kind of time that I once did.

About 10 years ago we hooked up again. It was good for me. I was going through some things that I needed someone I could talk to. I always trusted her to keep my secrets, we just knew too much on each other. I loved having my friend back in my life. We again would have long phone conversations and laugh and talk. Then the trouble came. I don’t guess it matters what happened, just suffice it to say, trust was broken. Sides were chosen, feelings were hurt and an un-repairable rift occurred. Every time I teach or hear a lesson on forgiveness I think of her. I have tried to forgive and forget. I think I have forgiven, I even wrote her a long letter telling her how I felt and that I did forgive her. It came back in the mail. If I have forgiven, why can’t I forget? Is it just the longing for that friendship that is no more?

Today is her birthday. Who knows how the activity in cyber-space may affect things. I hope that wherever she is, whatever she is doing she knows that I have forgiven her. I hope she knows that if she needs me I will still be around.

This is my favorite weekend of the year. I am sorry to see it go. In addition to wonderful laid back times with my family, the strange and bazaar crept in.

Saturday morning I was awakened by someone outside my housing shouting "Jason, JASON". Well I was pretty convinced someone had lost their dog and my dogs probably had something to do with it although they were being uncharacteristically quiet. I woke David up and said "someone is out there". He jumps up puts on some clothes and goes out to see about it. Well it turns out this older lady had pulled in at the wrong house. She was down at our basement level shouting "do you want me to come up?" Our neighbor, you guessed it, Jason, was standing out on his porch yelling" you are at the wrong house". She could not figure it out, since Jason's house is mostly obscured by trees she could hear him but not see him. Finally between David and Jason they made her understand and she drove on to the house next door. Now I would like to add this to my phone etiquette list, if you must visit someone at the crack of dawn (8:00 a.m.) make sure you are at the right house.

Saturday was my daughters 21st birthday. It is hard to believe that she can be 21. Many times in her life she has felt that she took second to my attention to my son. Not true. I do remember being worried when I was pregnant with her that I could ever love anyone as much as I loved him, but the worry was wasted. She came into this world laughing. I can still make her laugh at the silliest things. She has always had a soft heart and a giving spirit. She has had a tough time in her life. She and my son were involved in a car wreck when she was 12. Her right hand was damaged. For the next several months she had to depend on me for most everything. She had 5 or 6 surgeries and months of therapy to regain use of the hand. I remember sitting in her hospital room wondering how I could just give her my hand. God wasn't able to give us that, but He did give us a closeness that I don't think we would have shared otherwise. She was almost 13 and I was almost "stupid". The animosity we had moved into prior to the wreck was eased by her dependence on me. I know she deserved a better mother than the one I sometimes was, but I know that she knows I love her. My life would be so incomplete without her. Happy birthday Diana.

Back to work tomorrow. Wish I could take the month off, but I am not counting on getting that wish granted.

I am thankful
1. Today I get to enjoy a wonderful meal with my family and I only have to bring one dish
2. It is finally below 60 degrees
3. Autumn hit late, it is absolutely beautiful outside
4. My immediate family is all healthy and will be together today
5. My brothers are away, but are with their families and are healthy and happy
6. My parents raised me to love God
7. I was stubborn enough to find out they were right on my own.
8. I have a wonderful church family who love each other
9. I have a husband who loves me and takes care of me when I let him
10.I have wonderful friends to share great times with
11.My children are happily married to wonderful mates thay they chose.
12.My grandson who makes everyday special
13.I have a home waiting for me in Heaven....
14.I will finally get to meet some of you there

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

After my strange dreams from the night before I thought I had possibly started hallucinating. Yesterday when I went to lunch Jesus was walking up Highway 31 right in front of CVS. He was clothed in a white robe with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was barefoot and was carrying a Bible. He had shoulder length hair and a beard. Truly he looked as if he had escaped from an Easter production.

So I got to thinking, If Jesus was to come to Alabama how would he dress? I think he would dress just like the rest of us. I also think He would be unable to walk up the street without a crowd following Him. Even though many choose to ignore Him, He would still draw many to Him. Just like when He was on earth before He would have to find time to get away by Himself.

I know that people are looking for Jesus when they do this type of thing. I think it is sad that we have not shown them who He really is. Did I feel strange driving by? Yes, but I know that my Jesus was already in the car with me, I just wondered if this man dressed so strangely knew that…

I dreamed last night that there was a homeless woman living in my van during the day. (I have not had a van in about 5 years). She only stayed there long enough to get warm and dry and I knew she was getting in there each day. I was bringing her food from a party I was at and covering up her legs to keep her warm. Do you think I am thinking too much about this topic? It may have been mixed with my stress from work, you know, if my loans don’t work these people will also be homeless.

Either way, I am going to take it as a sign. As I feel Thankful this year, I don’t want to be “snug as a bug in a rug” while forgetting that there are many who never feel snug.

I also dreamed I went to a party where I had on the most beautiful silver gown, but all of the other women had on red dresses. I am not real sure if that one is a sign or not, and if it is I don’t know what it is a sign of. Maybe I think too much about clothes……

I know Matt Elliott and Khris R have done the dream thing from the recurring and spiritual stand, but do you have any just crazy dreams? Share them with us.

Well it would seem to some that the weekend was a bust. The Tide lost (but at least they showed up; I was proud), the Anti-racer Kurt Busch won the Nextel Cup, a hockey game broke out at an NBA game but its good that life is more than sports.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday I got to spend a lot of time with my grandson. He loves to be with his Mimi. She loves to be with him too. I think we may just keep him.

In other good news our Elders announced yesterday that construction would officially begin on our new building January 24, 2005 and would be completed by December 24, 2005! That is exciting. I think I am at peace with all of this now. I know that the seeds of doubt will creep up on me again, but that is o.k. If I allow myself to go along with everything without questioning I am only imposing stagnation on myself.

It is always good to be with my brothers and sisters in Christ. It is good to see conflict resolved in a positive way. I don’t know about you, but I never think that life would be better any other way. Praise God we are His children and part of His family

Today is the big day, yes, the Iron Bowl. For those of you from other lands that is the Alabama/Auburn Football game. This state is clearly divided by loyalty to one team or the other. It is not so much a loyalty to one school or another. When they play basketball or baseball emotions do not run as high(actually noboby much cares at all).

It is not looking good for the Crimson Tide of Alabama. They do have an awesome defense but the offense is struggling to have a starter healthy that started the beginning of the year. As a matter of fact the starting backfield is completely different than the one that started in September. The most devastating loss was the quarterback, Brodie Croyle. Leadership on a football team, as in other walks of life, is crucial to winning.

Auburn on the other hand seems to get stronger each week. They have a very good chance of playing for the National Championship if only they can keep from self destructing. They are truly a fun team to watch this year.

But, today I will be yelling for the Tide. Logically I know that they don't have the better team. Yet, they are my team for better or worse. I will try and be gracious in losing and be willing to cheer on the team that has a chance to win it all. I SAID I would TRY! But if for some reason the Tide rises and washes over the Tigers.... I will still TRY and be gracious and remember that it is just a GAME......(I'm not sure anybody in the state of Alabama believes that it is just a game).

After recovering from the game, the final race is Sunday. It will also decide the race for the cup. Now there doesn't seem to be near as many of these NASCAR fans as there are football fans, but they (we) are just as obnoxious. It is not looking good for Junior, who is my favorite. Everyone would pretty much have to self destruct for him to win it all. That would be good, we will pull for that, but if that cannot happen, I would like to see Jimmy Johnson in the 48 car win. If it can't be Junior or Jimmy.....Khris I'm going on a limb here... I would rather see Gordon win than Kurt Busch. Can somebody just beat Kurt Busch???

Happy sporting this weekend. For you non-sports fans, really you should try it. I would like to leave you with one final thought....ROLLLLL TIDE!!!!!!!!!

Yup, its my birthday. Somehow it is not nearly as exciting as it was 30 years ago to be one of the first in my class to turn 16. Somehow being the first to reach the back side of 40 is not nearly as exciting.

I have already had a great birthday. I told you about our girls birthday dinner last week. Yesterday my office had cake and ice crream and balloons for me. We have this really lame candle that I bought for someones birthday last year. It plays "happy birthday" when you twist it. It has become an office tradition to be tortured with the "candle". One of my co-workers is also my X-sister in law. She bought me a beautiful frame and gave me the sweetest card. It is great when families break up that you can sometimes still have close relationships with your X's.

Last night my great friend TL took me out to eat for my birthday. We had a wonderful time as always. She cracks me up by telling me what an awful person she has been that day as she gets into the car. Now let me ask you, do awful people take me out to eat on my birthday? I didn't think so.

Today I have the day off! My parents have already called to sing happy birthday to me. My brother called me last night while I was out with Terri. My daughter has been by this morning and brought me roses and some much needed house shoes. My son has called and offered to let me keep my sweet grandson, and its only 9:40!! David is cooking for me tomorrow when all the kids can come over and my Mother is fixing me chicken dumplins on Sunday. Wow! I may just go ahead and have some more of these birthdays!!

Hope you all have a wonderful day as well and a great weekend!!

Last night I was lying in bed in those brief moments before sleep completely envelopes me (do you think I have a love for sleep; you’re right!) when I heard a loud motor noise outside. Now you must realize I live in the middle of nowhere on a little gravel road beside the lake. Often we hear speed boats, but not cars or trucks or usually not planes, at least not at night. But last night a low flying plane flew overhead. I realized two things. I am most blessed to live in such a peaceful place where noises do not wake me up and I am blessed to live in a country at peace within its borders. I used to cringe every time I heard a helicopter go over. I guess I had watched too many episodes of MASH, but I could just picture being strafed by the helicopter. (Maybe it was more Apocalypse Now).

I can’t imagine living in fear of being bombed or shot at. I am thankful that I don’t have those worries. I know that many American’s are living that life in other countries while serving their country. I am thankful that this is a volunteer armed force and that they get the opportunity to choose to serve us in this way. I said a special prayer for them as I closed my eyes in the peace and quiet of my house, knowing that without those men and women who were willing to fight for our freedom that peace and quiet might not exist.

God, I thank you for the peace that exists in this country and in my life. I know that you do not love the citizens of this country more than any other, but I am grateful for the blessings that we have. I realize with these blessings come great responsibility and I pray that you will help me to live up to the potential these blessings provide me. Please watch over and care for those men and women serving in our military. Keep them safe and be with their families who sacrifice so much.

First I must apologize. Yesterday was a lot of tongue in cheek but I guess that doesn’t translate too well on a blog. I really don’t liked to be awakened by the phone, but it was not a big deal. I think I just wanted to show a side of the real me. Not this person I sometimes think I paint on this blog. Those of you who know me know that I am just a struggler; hoping to get through each day without making a mess of things. But for some reason I still don’t want you to think bad of me.

In other news, do you ever have one of those defining moments? You know, when you realized that the Spirit is finally working in your life where you have been having trouble. I had one of those when watching the news last night. I was watching a group of people in a bad situation, brought on by hate and violence and then suddenly I saw the people as individuals, knowing that God cared for each of them. In the past I have just shook my head and wondered why people had to act so stupid. It is amazing to think that God can make something good of even a mess like me. I just pray that I will let Him finish his work in me.

Hope you have a great Wednesday. I will be in the torture chair AKA the dentist this afternoon for three hours. Any prayers shouted out in my behalf will be appreciated; if I have not mentioned it I have dental-phobia…..

If you are going to make calls after 10:00 p.m. MAKE SURE you have the right number! I think sometimes I have not grown out of that teenage girl stuff, at least in my sleep. When the phone rings I find myself out of bed with the phone in my hand before I am aware that it is ringing. Last night it was 11:00 p.m. I have the gift of instant sleep on most nights, so having been in bed since about 10:15 I was in DEEP SLEEP. I awake to hear myself say “hello”, “hey, what are ya doin’”. At which point I lost my manners and all of my phone etiquette “Who is this?” I demanded. “It’s Brandi”, “Well Brandi, YOU have the WRONG number”.

I lay back down but my heart is pounding so hard in my chest I can’t calm it. I get mad. 95% of the time calls at this time of the night are the wrong number. Guess what? When I get mad I can’t go back to sleep. Well it took me at least 10 minutes, which is an eternity when you are counting the hours until 4:45. So today if I am grumpy and tired we can all just blame Brandi!

I know you want to tell me to get over it already it was just a mistake and on a conscience level I know that you are right. On my petty selfish side I want her to suffer for waking me up! Today I will work on that petty selfish side, as soon as I get over being ticked!!

Three people! None of them old enough, dead, unexpectedly. I didn’t know any of them personally but they were friends and relatives of people I love. One was in a car crash, one failed to recover from a lingering illness, one had an aneurism. I forget sometimes that it is not about this world. We are all gearing up to go on the same trip as these three. Sometimes it’s hard to look past the here and now. My heart hurts for those who grieve. My soul prays that all of these were children of God and my brothers and sisters. My commitment to God and His promise to me deepens.

Dear Lord, help me to be ready! Help me to share You with those who are not ready. Give me courage, give me wisdom. Forgive my selfishness.

Well it was time to give blood again yesterday. No excuses this time, except that I almost forgot. I know I have put this off in my life so long out of fear. Not really the fear of the needle, but fear of being embarrassed by a weakness I have. You see the part of my brain that keeps me conscious likes to check out when it sees needles and blood stuff. There is nothing the rest of my brain can do to convince this little wimpy part to stay focused and “keep alive”. I hate that, but why I hate it is because it shows weakness. Ah, somehow it all comes back to pride don’t it?

I think the fact that it actually HURT helped me. I can focus on pain and discomfort and not think about the bag of blood hanging off my arm and I am fine. Anyway I am glad I did it and will do regularly now. Not even a hint of green in my complexion. Maybe I have shut down that whiner after all.

Why do you think there is so much divorce in the church? Why are people so shocked when they hear of a marriage breaking up? We are the great pretenders aren’t we? We don’t really want anyone to know us “that” well. We miss many blessings by hiding who we truly are.

Our church family is dealing with yet another broken home. We talked last night about our duty as family to try and reconcile people. I think usually when it gets to that point it is too late, but still, should we try? My point in my lesson is that maybe we should be loving and caring enough about the people in our church families that we could see the warning signs coming. But we are the great pretenders!

Our class made a pact to hold each other accountable. I am not sure if even that is doable. I don’t even see some of these ladies any time other than our Wednesday nights together. I have been married way more than half of my life and the one thing I can tell you is that Love is not a feeling, it is an action. Someone spoke of the book His Needs Her Needs and the love account theory. (something good you do makes a deposit something bad makes a withdrawal). I offered the ideal that doing nothing is just as bad as doing something bad. Just like penalties eat away at a bank account left sitting, so will our love erode if we don’t attend to it.

I don’t know the answer. I do know that focus on God rather than self will alleviate a lot of problems. But we are human beings who crave love and affection and attention. Rather than focusing on how we can get that for ourselves, maybe we should just be giving it.

Last night a Group of Goofy yet Godly Girls Gathered for Good food, Great Gab, Giggling and GIFTS!!

I am privileged to share my birthday month with my wonderful friend Sharon. Today is Sharon’s birthday and I hope she has a wonderful one. She has always been a great friend to me.

We have a small group of ladies that get together to celebrate the birthdays of the month. It was our turn last night. We had a great time but probably owe an apology to anyone else who was eating at the Top Hat last night.

If you would like to see our little group, click here. Sharon and I are on the back row (hint: I have the Bozo hair)

I like being up early. I like that fact that I have finished my work-out for the day before some people even get out of bed. Notice though that I like it AFTER I am up and AFTER I have worked out. If I waited until I FELT like getting up early my workouts would be few and far between. This is a discipline I have in my life, I do something I don’t feel like doing (get up early) to achieve a feeling of well being.

I am working on achieving a spiritual discipline in my life. Love is what it is all about and love is not a feeling. I must act! I must do what I don’t FEEL like doing to achieve a FEELING of well being.

Lord, help me to learn to love like you love. Help me to put aside my list of good intentions and just get up and DO IT!! You have loved me and blessed my life in so many ways, help me to show that love to others.

What an absolutely wonderful weekend! I left work Friday afternoon to go and play tennis. While singles is always physically harder, it was a lot of fun. And I was playing with someone I have just met recently, so I got to know her better. Saturday morning I was awakened by beautiful sunshine streaming into my bedroom. I got up and cleaned house a little and then headed back to the tennis courts. We were having a “fun day” where everyone who showed up would play. Well we only had four show up, but that was O.K. I played a couple of hours of mixed doubles and had a wonderful time.

Now off to the grocery store. My son and his family were coming over to watch the game. David and I were making spaghetti and vegetable soup (he thinks his spaghetti is better than mine, I never argue with someone who wants to cook for me!). I got home and started my part of the meal and then retired to the deck where I sat in the sunshine and read for about an hour and a half. Yes, I needed to be cleaning and stuff, but that stuff will be there when the weather is not so absolutely beautiful.

I did have one profound thought while sitting on the deck. The weather was perfect. The sky was clear and a breeze was blowing off the water. The autumn colors were everywhere and my willow tree still had leaves enough to sway in the wind. I thought how can heaven be much better than this? Then I looked down. The rain storms of the previous week had washed a lot of trash up in the water. The area around our boat dock was a mess. It struck me that this world will always be filled with the ugly because Satan is its ruler. God’s glory will always shine through, but we have to continue to look “up” for the real blessings.

Anyway the kids came, we ate, we settled in to watch the ballgame. I missed some of the first quarter because I was playing with Matthew. But I got him to go to sleep in his swing in front of the TV. (we are brainwashing him early to be a Bama fan.) Well, all was well until Miss State fumbled on about the 15 yard line. I immediately jumped up and yelled “BALL”. This woke up the baby and scared him to death. I just hope he isn’t scarred for life!! Well the good news is the Tide ROLLED!!! We needed that victory.

Sunday came and church was a blessing. Randy was on today even if he was talking about women, modesty and such, he is such a talented positive speaker. We are so blessed by his speaking gift each week. Matthew went to sleep in my arms during church. You forget how hard that is on your shoulder!! Then we all went to my mothers for her usual wonderful meal! It is so good to have all of my family together with my mom and dad. After taking Derek, Mary and Matthew home I went GUESS WHERE?? You got it, back to the tennis courts. We had planned a day of doubles and had a wonderful time especially because my team WON!!

Because of rain delays in Arizona I got home in time to see the end of the race. Dale Jr., won! Lots of winning this weekend! Maybe that is why I thought it was so good! I will admit it helps, but I just love spending time with my family, my church family and my new tennis family. This life is only full when it is filled with people!!!

Yesterday me and my children including my daughter-in-law and grandson were eating lunch at a local restaurant. An elderly man at the table next to ours dropped a handful of change. My son without even thinking got up and picked up all the change for the man. The man's comment was what a nice boy he was. Yeah, I agree. He is a nice boy. Don't take much for the parental pride to come out in me. When I worry that I might have failed them somehow, they show up and make me proud. I love my kids! I love their spouses, and that grandson.... well you know!!!

I have a good friend who is one of the best moral people I know. He lives what he talks about; except for one thing, he is sooooo negative. I was talking to him yesterday about the fact that we had finally broken ground for our new church building and he proceeds to tell me how all these big mega-churches in the United States are just like the Pharisees in Jesus day. He asked me how we can justify building a big building when there are hungry people and homeless people in the world. He is convinced that the “big” church buildings will keep people out of heaven. I guess the thing that upsets me most is he asked me all the same questions that I ask myself when I contribute a large amount of money to a building project. (large is of course subjective, my “large” contribution to you might be chicken feed). When I have convinced myself that I am doing the right thing and THEN I go and talk with him I am thrown into a quandary once again. Are we embracing the “build it and they will come” philosophy? Should we be out and about among people being salt and light instead of just trying to be that beacon on the hill? What of the fact that buildings and upkeep DO cost a lot of money? Are we being good stewards? I long for peace about this. I do not have it. I want to feel fully committed to my church and church family without being plagued by doubts. Some would say, go to worship, do the best you can and be satisfied. I have trouble with that. I want to be involved, I want to know that what I am doing is pleasing to God and I want to feel that I am doing the best I can to serve others the way He wants me to. I know that there are no perfect churches, and I know I can serve without it being an organized effort of a church group. What should I do?

Last night I was teaching a ladies class on Fear of Satan. I had read Joe Beam’s book last spring on spiritual warfare; “Seeing the Unseen” and I dug in my heels and studied hard for this class. The first time I read this book it scared me to death. Now I read it with a little more objectivity and knowing what he is going to say helps me look at it more logically and less emotionally. Yet, when preparing for this class I had the strangest things happen to me. One night when I was studying right before bed I had a dream that I was involved in a sin up to my eyeballs! In the dream the sin was enjoyable and pleasurable! It is also an area I have struggled with in the past. Is this the forces of evil putting thoughts in my head when I sleep? I thought so! I woke up and prayed fervently. The next night after studying some more I got in bed ready to talk to God and had trouble praying. What was this about? I realized again it was happening, but that evening I could not shake the distant feeling I was having. I can’t explain this at least not logically. I think at different times in my life if (and probably when) the same things occurred I would have drifted for awhile. Knowing that I am in a battle helps me to stay focused and keeps me from giving in to these feelings.

I wonder; has this ever happened to anyone else? Have you been swimming closer and closer only to suddenly feel adrift?

Don't you just love wearing your little
"I Voted" sticker? Me too!!

I feel like I am in a time warp. I don’t know if it is the change in time or what, but the days are LONG and it is only TUESDAY!! I think it must be time for a vacation, a WHOLE WEEK!! I like my job, check that I love my job, but I am tired. Sometimes I think the whole fall of the year thing just makes you think you should be changing or starting something. Maybe those school years program your brain to new beginnings in the fall. Then it is relived through your children. Maybe it is the anticipation that the holidays are upon us. My favorite by the way is Thanksgiving, just the unpretentiousness of it all. But I realize my brothers won’t be home again this year, and my children have their “other” families now and that is all good, but it is a little sad too.

This past weekend my husband and I went to Nashville. We stayed Friday night, and just went out to eat and shopped and talked. We had the most fun in Toys R us. We were planning what we could get Matthew and when. But I don’t want to be the kind of grandparents that are always buying “stuff”. I want to show him things, I want to read to him and listen to him read. I want to teach him to paint (o.k. someone will have to teach me first) and to write and to listen to the animals and love nature. I think the single thing that makes being a grandparent so great is that you realize what you missed with your own kids, because you were just not able to cope with any more than what you were doing, and now, you have another opportunity, a chance to slow down and emphasize what is really important.

I don’t know how I could think there are not new beginnings for me!! It is my first year to be a “Mimi”. I can start new traditions. This is the first year both of my children are married and away from home. I never really felt the whole empty nest syndrome, I have just enjoyed the peace… but it makes sense that the holidays would put a spin of loneliness on my heart. But that is just silly. I have a wonderful family and we are going to have a wonderful holiday season. NO we are not starting now!! But I will pull myself out of this time warp funk and get ready. Darkness, you will not defeat me!!