Joyful Transformation

I am not sure if I have forgotten how I used to be or what, but I think C.S. Lewis could have easily been a writer for the CofC (at least in Mere Christianity). Other than tolerance for the occasional drink his beliefs and discussions mirror what I think I have always believed. Maybe I just can’t remember how I used to think, I used to disagree with him on the occasional drink; that belief too has evolved with maturity.

Anyway, I just finished his chapter on Time. He starts with the fact that many people have a problem thinking God can hear millions of prayers at the same moment and be able to act on them. He introduced the ideal that time is a human limitation. God can visit my moment in time which is now, tomorrow or yesterday or next week. Being the time challenged individual that I am, I love this thought. He says that God knows what we are going to do before we do it only because he has already seen it. Not that we don’t have free will; He can just be at any moment without the constraints of “time”.

I have always been infatuated with the concept of time travel. I loved all of the Back to the Future movies and Quantum Leap was one of my favorite TV shows. Wouldn’t it be cool if part of heaven was the ability to travel to places in time we have read about and visit first hand? Wouldn’t it be cool if our lives were stored in a jar, or mirror or something and we could go back and visit things of our past? Or would we want to?

If you could go back and visit (not change) one time in your life what would it be (just to make it interesting you cannot list the birth of your children)? If you could visit a place or event in history again not to change it, what would it be?

The sky is so blue
The air is so clear
All the things in nature
Shout that God is near

The falling leaves
The cloudless sky
The squirrels collecting nuts
Makes me wonder why

My heart will stray
My thoughts impure
When nature tells me
My faith is sure

Oh God please remind me
Today and every day
This earth in all its beauty
Is not where I am meant to stay

Give me strength and courage
To live in this aging shell
Realizing there are many
Who know nothing of heaven & hell.

Fix my wondering eyes
On that glorious home above
Where beauty beyond my imagining
Will be only surpassed by love.

I wonder how I got to be as old as I am, raised in “the” church and never read anything by C.S. Lewis? I wonder why I was not encourage to read books that would strengthen and even cause me to question my faith. I wonder why until recent years I had never heard of Dallas Willard? To bum off of Fajita’s theme for a moment; is it because I am a girl? Was spiritual books recommended for boys and not girls? Perhaps it is just because I did not attend a Christian college. I don’t know exactly why it has taken me so long, but I am glad I have found these authors. I am glad that I have been able to stretch my mind and learn that it is normal and healthy to question, to seek and to even sometimes doubt. I am currently listening to Mere Christianity on CD. I am truly enjoying it. The down side is that I want to remember something and can’t “hi-light” it. Don’t be surprised if I blog about this book soon. He makes things so clear to me with his use of analogies, and you all know that I am “all over” a good analogy!

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On a completely different subject, David and I are talking about fixing one of our old computers for my Mom for Christmas and getting her an Internet account. She would then be able to e-mail both of my brothers and have access to my blog! Now most of the time what I write is harmless and I would have no problem with my Mom reading it, but sometimes I know she would disapprove of what I am saying. I have already censored several of entries when I realized people I knew were reading. But I know several of you have said your mother’s have come to know you better through reading your blog. I am sure my Mom would know me better, I am just not sure if she would still like me!!

I realize of course that I can’t just pay lip-service to the concept of being “real”. I can’t have a different personality based on the people I am with (although I have done a pretty good job of this in the past). So…..I am going out on a limb here. I don’t care if my Mom or anybody else reads what I think. I am going to be the real Donna to the extent that I CAN open myself up. After all, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

I think I am slipping back into a bad habit....collecting books. Perhaps reading season is really just beginning. I have been so busy playing tennis this summer that I have neglected reading.

I have fueled part of my hunger for new material by buying books on cd. It allows me to utilize the time that I was wasting in the car (mostly listening to NASCAR radio.) But I have been apprised of an even more appealing way to do that. I often resist new technology until I can no longer resist.... But, when I realized that I could download books onto a MP3 player, I want one. If anybody out there knows someone who might be looking for that "perfect" birthday present for me....this is it.

In the meantime, I think I will shut this computer off and read some of those books on my shelf!!! (Did I mention I got two orders in from Amazon this week, AND I bought a book at Wal Mart. I think I have a reading problem!)

Thanks for your prayers. My Dad got a good report. He has no new blockage and the stint is fine. I guess they will have to tweak his heart medicine to get him back to feeling good. Of course he felt like cutting up with the nurses and giving them a hard time.

It is such a wonderful relief to get good news.

God is good.

It was the kiss of death....
I decided to be for the Astros

First I was for the Braves
Then the Cardinals
Then the Astros
......are you seeing a pattern?

Is it me..??? or does the National League just suck?

Really, is the AL that much better?

Tomorrow my dad is having a cardiac catheterization procedure . Please keep us in your prayers. He had a stint put in several years ago. His doctor is afraid that has quit working properly or that there is blockage elsewhere. Heart disease has taken all the men of his family. My mom makes sure that he eats healthy and takes care of himself, but it is scary business when it is hereditary.

I was trying to remember exactly what year Dad had his first heart attack and we spent so much time at Huntsville hospital. I can’t really remember what year it was. I do remember special friends who came to sit with me during this time. It is amazing how time seems to slip so quickly through your fingers.

I was talking with an old friend today. We worked together when we were in our early 20’s. We were talking about how young and naïve we were at the time, even though then we were pretty sure that we knew everything. There are a lot of people that have shouldered a load with me at different times in my life.

People come and go so quickly in our lives. I am sure there are many people that I need to tell how much they have meant to me. There are relationships that I have neglected and others that have just sort of gone away. So I would just like to say whether I have known you a long time or a short time I appreciate you. Whether or not I have actually met you in person, the fact that you come visit me truly means a lot to me. If you read this and wonder if I am talking to you, yes I am. I love and appreciate you. I don’t appreciate you enough. I am selfish like that. But I do love the fact that you are sharing some of this journey with me. I am motivated and encouraged because you take the time to see if I have anything to say.

So I just want to say thank you.

In C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity he speaks of a Christian as being in a hall and having to choose which door to enter. I think he is speaking of choosing a set of Christians with whom you wish to identify or associate. But he speaks of an active choice of many doors to choose from. I think this might encompass more than choosing which church to identify and associate with. I think you are choosing a theology to live your life by. Yet, I realize that even at my advanced age I am sometimes still playing in the hall. That worried me as I thought about it last night. Am I carried away with every wind of doctrine? Do I drift along and bite at every tasty morsel that is presented to me?

I don’t think it is so simple. I think that we enter a door, but inside that room are many other doors. Some will even take you back to where you were, undecided in the hall. Others will lead you out of the building all together. Although few take this door we cannot deny that it is there. The other doors lead you to new ideals and new concepts. You are not leaving everything behind but just progressing on to another “step” in your journey. Some people get happy and might I say “lazy” in this first room. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. The problem would come when they try to keep everyone else in that room with them, or determine that if they leave that room, they are no longer in the “house”.

So, I am not drifting, simply checking out all the rooms in the house. I know that God has a room especially for me to find where I can truly make a difference. I have just got to find it.

Terri’s post about one with from her Fairy God-mother got me to thinking. If I could change one thing about myself what would it be? I don’t think I would opt for any of the physical changes. At this point in my life I am truly realizing how unimportant physical appearance is. If I altered anything there it would be the growing of hair in new and old places. Somehow it seems that the older you get the more you become involved in hair removal….it ain’t right. But, I would not waste my wish on that. I could go with Terri on the sweeter “precious” mouth, but I can usually keep my mouth shut with enough effort and I don’t know that a radical personality change would be my first choice. (Besides, cutting sarcasm is just so much fun!)

There are many other things that I should probably want to change about myself. Just this morning my boss called me a man. He says I think more like a man because I am not emotional, I like sports, I don’t like to shop and I am not overly compassionate. (I am not sure all of that is a compliment, but I don’t deny it either). But the one thing that I would truly like to change is my concept of time. You see, I am the great procrastinator. Not just because I put things off to not do them, but I work better under pressure. If I am supposed to be somewhere in 15 minutes but it only takes 5 to get there, I will start another project just to kill the 10 minutes. Of course this project will usually take 12 minutes and therefore I am now running 2 minutes late. Why can’t I just leave and arrive a little early? In the same vein, I will wait until Tuesday night to study for my class on Wednesday night. I pack the night before I leave on vacation (if not the morning of), I shop for birthdays, Christmas, etc. at the very last minute. (Well I do a little better at Christmas; I usually start around December 15th). Just yesterday I had some papers to pick up for a 4:00 closing. I left the office at 3:15 and decided I could make 4 stops to be the most efficient on my time out of the office. I made it back here by 10 till, but really, wasn’t I pushing it just a little? Of course I was, this is how I live my life. Perhaps this more than any other thing adds to my stress levels.

So if I could have a wish granted it would be to change my concept/perception of time. I know you are thinking, “Well, you have identified the problem, now do something about it”. Do you think I haven’t known for a long time what the problem is? But I am going to try. I hate to wait, so I should be considerate and keep others from waiting on me. Like Terri said God isn’t through with me yet. We are going to be working on this. I don’t anticipate changing over night, but if I can change a little bit each day perhaps before long people will even start calling me organized and prepared!! (A girl can dream, right!)

Do you ever slip into an unidentifiable funk? I just feel so distant from God and other people sometimes. I can’t explain what is driving the feeling, nor can I put my finger on when it starts. It just suddenly is there and I can’t find a way to get out of it. It doesn’t really make sense right now. I should still be on a spiritual high from the Zoë Conference. Yet, I am struggling to feel close, to feel connected. I know that I am not unhappy; I know that I am not bored. There are so many things going on in my life, I may get stressed trying to keep up with it all, but that is the way I like it, right? It is almost like I am waiting on the next “new” thing. It seems like I might be in anticipation of something…something that doesn’t ever seem to happen.

A couple of friends said I didn’t seem myself at church yesterday. What? I don’t know what they meant, was I not the same as I always am? I must be more transparent than I thought I was. But honestly, I can’t put my finger on a change in the way I act or they way I feel other than to say I feel disconnected. I just wonder if this is a common thing. Does it happen to everyone?

I started typing this morning thinking this would be a private entry. I was just trying to identify the way I was feeling. But then I wondered if maybe it would help someone else if they ever felt the same….

Hmmm, I taught Matthew two new words!

Check it out here!

The weather had changed....it is kind of cool. The high for today is about 65, but guess what? Still no rain!

Today....
I play tennis.
Alabama plays Tennessee
Auburn plays LSU
The World Series begins
and it feels like chili weather.....text book, perfect Saturday!


Roll Tide!!

For the first posted picture of the triplets click here

Most things fall into the realm of perspective, don’t they? Joe has an abundance of rain out in the Seattle area, for us it is but a vague memory. Elizabeth has nightmares that center around water. I find it very relaxing, peaceful even. JettyBetty loves to fly and anything to do with airplanes. My recurring nightmares have to do with plane crashes. I am never on the plane I just see it screaming from the sky and exploding into a ball of fire in front of me. There was a Crossing Jordan episode last season that seemed to have caught my dream on video. I was visibly shaken when they showed that plane crashing….a little déjà vu.
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I had a great time last night. In profession I work for a mortgage broker. The lenders we sell loans to, like to wine and dine us and whatever else they can think of where we will send more loans to them. Last night was an open house sponsored by one of these lenders. There theme this year was Las Vegas Night. When we came in the door they gave us $2,000 in play money and had gaming tables set up for us to play. I was very reluctant to play anything when we first arrived, that coupled with the fact I was starving sent me to the food spread first. After I had eaten I decided to go “watch” a little while. My boss and our rep from this company were playing Texas Hold ‘em. Well, I figured this game out pretty quickly, but still didn’t think I wanted to play. One of the girls from the office was playing Roulette. As I mentally placed my markers on certain numbers, I watched my money (play money) disappear. I didn’t really think this game was for me either. Well then I went to the Crap table. This game is so far from self explanatory that it is not even funny. I didn’t have a clue what was going on. However, just like wearing pants to church, once I tried it I kind of liked it. I got some chips and started playing the “field”. Well, I did realize that control freak in my personality would have to learn the rules of this game, because I couldn’t truly enjoy it without knowing all of the rules. But it was fun to watch and try to figure out. I ended up way ahead before I started trying to lose where I could go home. I guess I could see where this might get addicting.

Over all it was much more enjoyable that the run of the mill social outing. Giving people something to do rather than sit around and make small talk really added to the enjoyment. I was going to just report a great evening without making any kind of application, but it will haunt me if I don’t, so here it is……People who come into our assemblies often don’t know the “rules”. They will not feel comfortable until they know what is going on. In addition when we give people something to “do” they will get involved and enjoy getting to know others. When we expect each other just to reach out and “bond” on the way in and out the door on Sunday morning we are only kidding ourselves.

Have a great weekend everyone! I am going to look up the rules to Craps!

Do you think it is ever going to rain again? Boy it is dry around here.

I had nothing to say today and then I remembered. My blogging friend Chris sent me a tin full of blogging ideals, scriptures, positive thoughts etc. in a Christmas tin. (Actually I saw it sitting on my dresser after I had convinced myself I didn't have to blog EVERY day).

I pulled out the following:

Tell how you feel about water, playing in it, seeing it, using it. What do you feel when near bodies of water?

In 1995 we moved to the lake. After this time I was enrolled in a Dale Carnegie course. One of the speech topics was to include a visual aid and speak of an accomplishment. I presented a glass of water and told of the purchase of our lake home. I love water. I feel at peace when watching the sun set over the water, or when I see the rays of the moon reflected in the slight ripples. Living at the lake has been like a dream come true for me.

I also love the ocean. I love to vacation there more than anywhere else. I like to play in the water, I love boating, riding PWC and just floating around. I like to go white water rafting. In addition I like the rain. I like to play in the rain or just sit in the house and watch the rain.

I know that the Bible is full of stories surrounded by water. From the flood to the parting of the Red Sea, from Jonah to Peter walking on water, the stories and the lessons taught to us by water are many. The most important time I have spent in water is when I decided to give my life to Jesus and submitted to being taken under the water in order to rise up to a new life. In this way I can truly say that water completes me.

Yesterday was a day of first for me. It is funny, when I was in my 20’s and younger I thought by the time you got to be my age you would have done everything there was to do and you would just be sitting around waiting to die. Perspective changes…

Diana had a Dr.’s appointment. We went to the new Kirkland Clinic on Acton Road. Well the difference in this and the one downtown is phenomenal. We chose to go downtown last time because it is closer for us. They kind of insisted we try the other location, now I know why. The downtown office while functional has the feeling of a clinic, a health department type of atmosphere. This new, state of the art clinic was modern, comfortable and best of all was run where there was NO WAITING!! I did not even have time to finish the article about Brad and Angelina before we were ready for the sonogram.

Today was the first time they could get all three babies in one shot. That is so cool. They printed a picture for Diana, if she brings it I will see how it scans. We are 10 ½ weeks now. It just keeps getting more and more exciting. She confessed to me yesterday that the reality of being pregnant has not really settled in, let alone the reality of having THREE! I confess it hasn’t quite registered with me yet either. (She has her own little three ring circus waiting..)
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Last night Matthew and his Mimi attended their first Circus. Yes I have made it this far in life without experiencing the show under the “big-top”. It was a lot of fun. He liked the noise and the bright lights. He loves all the big animals. He was excellent for about an hour and a half. I took him for a walk during the last 30 minutes. To be honest, my rear-end was ready to move around as much as his was. I love that little boy so much. I told Derek & Mary last night that it didn’t seem like he was a baby very long. He is changing and learning daily. I am going to savor all the moments with him I can.

I wish I didn’t walk away from these events thinking about the poor animals. They just seemed sad to me. I thought about the fact that they had one more show when we left and then perhaps would get to sleep there last night. But this morning they will be loaded in trucks and taken to the next stop for the next show. I know, the people are living the same life, but they have a choice, don’t they? I am sure the elephants would have been much happier living in their natural habitat. (Of course this makes me think of Dr. Doolittle 2 when Archie the bear was quiet content being a circus bear…maybe it’s all they have ever known).

This morning I brought a white shirt (blouse, whatever..) to wear at work. Well as I got it out of the back of my Tahoe I must have dragged the sleeve somewhere. When I saw it hanging on the back of the door of my office I saw a big black spot! Great! I live 20 minutes away, there is no time to run home and change. OK, I get the dishwashing detergent out, with my work-out towel and water bottle and proceed to scrub the black place away. Well it is almost gone. You can barely see it. Fortunately for me the spot is on the inside of my arm therefore even less noticeable to others.

However, as I sat in the floor reviewing my work the word “almost” started going through my head. (I don’t know why I do this, it just happens!) You remember that old guilt provoking invitation song…”Almost Persuaded”? There was a phrase in one verse that said “Almost cannot prevail, almost is but to fail. Sad, sad that bitter wail, almost but lost”. (I was relieved to see that song was not in our current books.)

Almost is what I am. If it is but to fail, then I am a failure. Just this morning, I almost got this spot out. I realized that being almost “dressed” was not going to work, there were repair guys on the roof outside my window. I almost drove the speed limit. I almost stopped at the stop sign. These stupid little footy things almost don’t show around my shoes!! My bangs are almost lying down. I rode in spin class almost as hard as Cary!

I almost give my problems to God, I hang on just a little. I almost live my life in subjection…I just have this little stubborn streak. I think God wants us to fully trust and believe in him….Grace will then make up the difference when we are almost what he wants us to be.

Many of you said you read my blog because I am real...

I wonder, if you knew the real, "real me" would you still like me?

The "real me" can't iron collars, so I ask my husband to iron them for me. (My Mom laughed a little too hard when I told this on myself at lunch!!)

The "real me" will set up to 11:30 to see the end of the race, even when both my favorite guys are out (mostly hoping to see the guy I don't like wreck! drats he finished 2nd!)

The "real me" can work out 5 days a week but still eat a 14 ounce rib-eye at Outback with little or no guilt!

The "real me" lets that little word "sh*t" flow out my mouth a little too easily.

The "real me" will pay someone to clean my house where I can play tennis without (as much) guilt.

The "real me" wonders sometimes who came up with the way we do church.

The "real me" is terrified of how my life is about to change...(selfish? I think so!)

The "real me" sometimes wishes the "other team" would lose, even when I try to be "for" them.

The "real me" tries to control my thoughts and yet so often I fail. I think of and about things that cause me to take two steps back in my spiritual walk.

BUT.....the "real me" also enjoys a beautiful moonlit night, even when all I do is watch the race and football...AND a beautiful crisp Sunday afternoon with the bluest skies you could ever see, yep, the real me is very often at peace in my own skin.

I was tagged by Elizabeth a few days ago (sorry it took so long...)

First Memory
Having a neighborhood girl get her head stuck in the back of a TV. Or the hair cutting Nazi friend of my mothers cutting my ear (I was around 3 )
First Kiss
Steve O. 1st grade (many of you were late bloomers…)
First Concert
Boston
First Love
Steve O. 1st grade- Well or my cousin Phillip before we started school, until they told us cousins couldn’t be boyfriend-girlfriend.
First Lust
The first memory is at homecoming dance with David sophomore year of high school…suddenly I understood the problem with the whole dancing thing, although the way we moved while having our bodies glued together wasn't exactly dancing....???
First Thing I Think In The Morning
What day is it; do I have to work out?
First Book I Remember Loving
Laura Ingalls Wilder Books
First Pet
Lucy, the dog
First Question I'll Ask In Heaven
I don’t have to go back, do I?
First Thing I Think Of When I Hear The Word Vacation
Beach, books and rest.
First Best Friend
Charlotte
Last Time I Dressed Up
Today (sort-of)
Last Thing I Ate
Chicken Finger Salad & orange roll
Last CD I Bought
Zoe- In Christ Alone
Last Time I Cried
Saturday
Last Time I Told Someone I Loved Them
This morning
Last Really Fun Thing I Did
Tennis and lunch at new Italian restaurant Wednesday.
Last Thing I Watched On TV
10:00 news
Last Halloween Costume
Hippie (blonde wig/white boots, hot pants with tunic)
Last Concert I Attended
Faith Hill/ Tim McGraw and some other country people….(free tickets)

One of my favorite songs (of the non-Christian music genre) is Molly Hatchet’s Flirtin’ with Disaster. (Everyone who does not know the song or who Molly Hatchet is please don’t comment to tell me that! But it is on the new Dukes of Hazzard soundtrack so maybe??) I was just wondering this morning if that said something about my personality. I actually think it is just a feel good, drive fast, kind of song, but is there some hidden reason I like it? Makes me wonder.

There is a part of my personality that always likes to push the envelope. I like to get right up on the edge of rules, and maybe occasionally even fracture a couple. I mean really, the rules were made for someone else anyway, right? So, knowing that my personality is geared in this way you have got to wonder how I have made it this long in the C of C. I mean, we are the champions of the “thou shalt not’s” aren’t we? Perhaps that is why my frustrations have been played out in other areas of my life. Perhaps that is why I embrace any type of change with open arms.

When I was growing up, to question or even entertain the possibility that someone else might have some things right was akin to blasphemy. I can remember sitting up at night crying because I couldn’t convince my friends not to be Baptist. I was ashamed because I couldn’t even make a good argument to them. Sometimes I wonder how I had any friends. We really were that bad! Are we still? Perhaps the way we flirt with disaster is not by loosely playing with the rules. Maybe the real disaster is that we have made the rules the object of our worship. We have placed what we think is “right” above the souls of men and women.

While I don’t discount the commands of God, I know that they must be obeyed; I pray that I will always put people first. That I will look at the heart like Jesus did. I pray that I will realize other people are a lot like me, not perfect by any stretch, but trying, seeking, wanting to be pleasing to God.

Yesterday as I was driving to Birmingham early in the morning it was incredibly foggy. You can see better on the interstate than on some of the winding twisting country roads but still you realize you are driving in the clouds. Suddenly I noticed that on a rise in the road the sky was a bright white. I thought, wouldn’t it be great if that was Jesus coming back? Then I was so relieved that I was thinking this. There have been times in my life when I wasn’t sure I was ready to meet my Lord, (good Cof C upbringing didn't quite prepare me for the concept of grace) but now I know I am ready! It would be so great to have him come and not have to worry about departing this life and leaving people behind and things undone. We would just all go home to be with Jesus! What a great thought!

When you are ready to offer grace to someone who is not as good as you; you get to experience the lesson of humility instead?

I didn't really expect an answer yesterday...you guys are great!

I had nothing to say, so I wondered why do I pressure myself to do this everyday? Is it for me? Is it for others? If it is for others, what do they expect to hear?.....thus the blog.

BTW- Anonymous BT is my brother. I immediately shot him an e-mail, and guess what? He responded to it! Technology is grand!

Got to run and play tennis. Catch you all later. Have a wonderful day.

Why do you read my blog? What are you expecting from me; a funny story or amusing anecdote? Do you think I will reveal some insight into my life, or into my spiritual life? Do you feel like you know me and just use this as a way of keeping up with my life?

Do you think we are looking for something that is lacking in our lives with this blogging? Do we go about our real lives with so many shallow and superficial relationships that we look out here for someone to talk to; someone who will reassure us that life is about more than The One Day sale at Rich’s, or who will make it to the World Series?

I was just wondering.

People are really different. Did you know that? I wonder sometimes how one or more people form friendships or relationships. I wonder how people look past the idiosyncrasies of each other long enough to look under the surface and know someone else. I think I must be a hard person to get to know. I think I have a pretty high fence built around myself and only occasionally will I let it down (I think it works like those windows on chicken houses..) But I also think it is my loss that I don’t open up to people more, not only to let them know me but where I can get to know them up close and personal. I could physco-analyze myself and probably spout out some pretty good reasons why I don’t trust people enough to let them close to me. I could tell you of some personal hurts and disillusionments, but really you don’t want to hear it, and if it is in the past, it becomes only an excuse.

I can tell you that I do value the relationships that I have. I spent a wonderful weekend with Terri. Sunday morning Jenni asked us how we became friends, and really neither of us has a story for that. We have known each other a much longer time than we have been friends, but I am glad we found each other. She has been just what I needed at a time in my life when I desperately needed to have someone I could call in the middle of the day with the mundane, the ridiculous, or the times we I needed affirmation that I was not the horrible person that I sometimes felt that I was. Truly I don’t know how I would have gotten through this last year without bending her ear. She has also been my cohort on a Spiritual journey that I think we both have grown from. Wow, Terri, this was not supposed to be about you.

Today is my good friend Kay’s birthday. Kay is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever know. She is so different from me. I like to be in charge and to be heard. Kay is content to follow quietly and to be a great encourager. Kay is not the cynic that I am. She still has such a beautiful unbiased view of the world. She sometimes brings out the protector in me. I just feel that she is more vulnerable to things of the world than I am. I know that I wish I were a lot more like Kay. She makes me a better person by watching her and by receiving her quiet encouragement.

Saturday was my sweet husband’s birthday. Yes, I was gone for his birthday, but he was sweet enough to allow me to go. He has always not only supported my independence but encouraged it. Sure, he would rather have me around more, (I think), but he also wants me to do the things that make me happy. I have already told you how great and wonderful he is. I have told you of his patience, his intelligence, his ingenuity and of his love for me and our children. It is great to be married to the person who knows you better than anyone in the world and loves you anyway. I just hope he doesn’t occasionally shake his head and say “why am I married to her?”

People really are different. I am grateful for that. It would be hard for me to be friends with someone like me. All the people in my life enrich it in different ways. I think I would be incomplete without any of them.

Thank you God for the different sides of you I can see in the important people in my life. Help me to show them you in my life as well.

(Blog-world that is)

Today I met some more people from blog-land

Beaner
Dwight
Fajita
Jenni
Jetty-Betty

I hope I am not forgetting anyone.

Terri and I went to lunch with Jenni and Mae. We had a wonderful time getting to know each other better. This evening we had dinner with the same group plus Jetty Betty! All of you who are jealous....We wish you would have been here too!

I was overwhelmed with an early Christmas present from Chris! I don't know her e-mail address or her snail-mail address (that's for you Mae) to properly thank her. So THANK YOU Chris! I will never forget my 1st Christmas gift of 2005, or your sweetness in sending it to me.

Today Jeff Walling did an absolutely wonderful portrayal of Matthew. You could actually sense some of what he must have gone through in answering the call of our Lord. (Did anyone else think his Jewish accent sounded like Billy Crystal's???)

One on the greatest lessons was that the Messiah came for those of us who were a Mess! And we must take that Mess in order to deliver the Message. I loved that.

The focus of the evening started by Mike Cope was ministering from where we are. We each were commissioned to take our lives and spend it ministering to those we affect daily. How great to be "commissioned". We ended up with some testimony from servants who had allowed God to make changes in there lives. Then there were two reports from pioneers who went out on a personal mission today. What a blessing these testimonies were.

Today we sang many old favorites as well as many of the new songs. I guess the singing of "The Greatest Commands" may have been the most moving. Can you imagine thousands of beautiful voices singing this song in harmony? It was spine tingling!!

Yeah, I am on the mountain top right now! It has been great!

• Great
• Marvelous
• Super
• Emotional

It is so great to sing the new songs of the new Zoe CD, but I am always amazed at how singing the songs in the crowd moves me. Suddenly all of the words come to life and my heart is broken for the sacrifice and the love of our savior. I will never sing Joy to the World, or Hark the Herald Angels Sing again without remembering how beautiful it was with all of those voices so beautifully blended.

Mike carried us through the journey they made this year with Chris and the other kids at Highland. We saw an excellent skit on the women who were part of the lineage of Christ as detailed in Matthew 1. Then Mike gave an excellent paraphrase of the sermon on the mount, making it real and relevant to everyone in the room. Not that the original words are not real and relevant, its just that sometimes you have to hear things another way to grasp all of the meaning.

Terri and I went to the worship service with Randy Gill. It was great as well. I love the opportunity to commune in a different environment.

Can't wait till tomorrow.

Blogger met so far:(though not necessarily for the first time)
Clarissa
Rob
Mae
Khris
Greg Miles
Jon Owen
Ed Harrell
Matt Elliott

Terri and I arrived in Nashville around noon and headed straight for La Paz where we had a wonderfully fattening lunch. I am pumped about tonight. I think we both need this spiritual renewal in our own ways. I wish everyone could be here, well maybe not everyone, but I wish YOU were here.

On the ride up here we were talking about crane operators. (don't ask why, I don't even know). But I got to wondering, If you could have any job in the world, what you want to do? I think mine would be as follows:

1. A professional tennis player (it's fantasy...OK)
2. A photo journalist
3. An author

How about you? What is your dream job?

I'm gonna eat a worm.

Don’t you hate the feeling of not being wanted or needed? Does it bother you when people think they are much better than you (even if you know it’s true), and take the effort to point it out to you? Then don’t you hate that you let it bother you? Or is it just me?

Part of our lesson last night was on negative self-talk. (Actually, I think different folks took different things from this same lesson, Terri thought it was on relationships..) Anyway I realize I have a problem with this. I get really down on myself when I mess up or when someone is critical of me. I had written the paragraph above on Tuesday of this week. I really didn't think I would post it, but it is a very real problem for me. I wonder if anyone else falls into this trap. How do you pull yourself out of it? I usually can go on and not think about it, but certain people or certain topics will trigger the same "sick in the pit of my stomach" feeling. Do you struggle with this? If not, how do you combat it?

Yesterday was my daughter's first visit with her OB. The babies are now all measuring within a couple of days of each other. Did you know that at 81/2 weeks the babies are wiggling? It is so cool! You can't see a lot of definition at this point but the form in there, the heart beat is amazing and now they are wiggling....It is amazing to share in this high tech view of one of God's miracles. I know that the risk, cost, and pretty much everything will increase greatly by the fact of triplets, but the special treatment, sonogram on every visit (which is every two weeks till the 20th week) and just having the Doctors and Nurses know who you are makes you feel very special and like they are taking extra special care of you. Of course I will have to remind her that when the babies come, no one will ever SEE her again. That is true whether there is one baby or three (You Mom's want to shout an AMEN) Not that it is a bad thing, you want people to ooh and ahh over your precious baby(ies).

Then there was the bonus. I have dreamed about this scenario my whole life, it has NEVER happened to me and I am pretty sure it never will. They want her to gain between 45 and 50 lbs. What? You mean eat all the time, whatever I want??? OK, I don't really envy her, I don't really want to swap places, but you gotta admit, that would be kind of cool!!

Folks this is going to be an amazing journey. I am so honored to be able to enjoy it with her. Although sometimes I still shake my head and say THREE!!??

Do you ever get hungry and just don’t know what you want to eat? Sometimes you know exactly what you want, but others (and it seems for me the hungrier I am the more I feel this) I don’t know what I want, I just want something good! I have also noticed that if I start eating junk it takes more and more junk to satisfy me. Also when I give in and start eating junk I crave it, whereas if I never start eating it, I have no problem walking away from it. But isn’t it wonderful when you are hungry and you sit down to an absolutely wonderful meal? Wow! My mouth is watering.

My soul is hungry. I don’t know what I want; I don’t know what will fill me up, what will satisfy me. Being busy “doing” things is somewhat like junk food. Don’t misunderstand, I think we must be about service, but sometimes I just crave being busy. I feel like I am satisfying my hunger if I stay busy; and yet, the hunger remains.

Someone (Beaner, I think) asked what we expect from the Zoë Conference. I expect to be filled. I expect that the wonderful feast will come in ways that I can’t even anticipate. I am not going to the conference empty, I have been so blessed and I truly do count those blessings, but I do come hungry. I can’t wait to be filled up!

I feel a little like I should be in a confessional booth….it’s been three days since my last blogging……Well except for the ROLL TIDE!!

I had a wonderful weekend. I played tennis everyday, watched the TIDE roll on Saturday afternoon, and went with David to see Serenity Saturday night. I actually liked this movie a lot. It was filled with action, had a good story line and they kept it clean…no bad language no nudity. It may have been a little on the violent side, but it was in control.

Yesterday was perfect weather for tennis and it was a lot of fun, but it was hard to contain my excitement about what was to come next. We had our first meeting in our new building last night. No it’s not finished, it is not even real close. But it was structurally sound enough to have people walking through. We wrote our favorite scriptures on the floor. These will be covered by the carpet in the coming months, but we will always know that they are there. I think we have achieved a nice very functional building without making it ostentatious. It was a great evening. Perhaps I can get off the see-saw of “should we be spending this much money on ourselves” and focus on the good we can do with a more centralized, functional home base. I think it is a good thing that God has given me the spirit of analyzing every situation. While I usually go along with the plans of the many, I have never been one to do it without analyzing it from every angle. Sometimes this only builds frustration, but when I get behind something, I have thought it through and will not usually be blind-sided by pitfalls that others may fall into. I am not sure if it is more of a curse or a blessing to always play the “devil’s advocate”.

This morning I was thinking that I should have written more scriptures about grace. I did use some verses from my favorite chapter Romans 8 about nothing being able to separate us from the love of Christ.

This morning they were replaying the Talladega Race on the NASCAR channel (144 on XM). I decided I needed to talk to God more than I needed to hear that replay. However, I think racing was still somewhere in the back corner of my mind…..As I approached the red light that turns onto the main road through Cullman I pulled up by a motorcycle. Well I didn’t pay a lot of attention to him, I just noticed that he had not tripped the light and we had to wait another full cycle for it to change. Well when the light changed we took off. Now they have just re-surfaced highway 31 and it is real smooth……I was in the right lane, he was in the left and I couldn’t shake him. I don’t like to drive real fast through town, but I don’t like to ride side by side when we are the only two vehicles on the road heading north. Well when we got to where there are more red lights they were all staying green, I admit I was driving faster than I was comfortable driving (around 50mph) through town, but I just had one more light to make…..then that silly motorcycle pulled a trick on me. He had those flashing blue lights!! What? How could I not have noticed this? Well, I had no defense, he had been with me all the way through town, I just hope my insurance card is where it is supposed to be….I pulled over, rolled down my window and he pulled over next to me, still on his motorcycle. “You need to watch your speed through here” he said. “The speed limit is 30 and you were going close to 50”. “Yes sir” I said. I can’t believe he let me off. Today my job is to “Pay it forward”, this time the “it” being grace.

Roll Tide

Alabama 31
Florida 3