Joyful Transformation

This morning I woke up to the sound of lapping waves on a sugar white beach. I rolled over to look out the small opening I had left in the drapes to see the most magnificant sky. It was painted almost like the sky at sunset, but somehow held the promise of a new day.

Oh, did I forget to tell you we were going to the beach for New Years? Well here we are. I thought I would share a little of this beauty with you.

*BTW the photo on my template was a sunset shot I took from this same place. Do you see why I love it here?**

Tagged by Amy to list Five Weird Habits

1. I stick my tongue in my Coke or Water bottles using it as a straw....
2. I never untie my shoes when I take them off
3. Cannot get up at night without re-applying chapstick
4. Cannot leave the house with giving my dogs a dog biscuit.
5. I eat Parmesean Cheese on my popcorn.


Everyone who hasn't been tagged don't like to do these things.....but if your name is Tommy, or you know somebody named Tommy and you haven't been tagged elsewhere then YOU ARE IT!!!

5 of my favorite post from this past year in no particular order. (I stole this ideal from Rick.)

Ode to the Chicken Pit
Friend or Foe
The Assasin
Fixed Fight
I'll Take Door #1

Honoroble Mention:

One of a Kind Love Affair

**I was going to do some other top 5's for the year, but my blogging time is up this morning**

We were supposed to have storms today....
We didn't

I was excited, I thought I would get to play tennis...
I didn't
She was out of town at a tournament.

Computer guy was supposed to come....
He didn't
That's OK, I figured it all out by myself.

Do you think I could get paid what I saved the company?

Is there anything better than coming home from a tough day at work (server crashed!) to a hot home cooked meal, complete with candle light and clean up! I couldn’t really think of anything. Thanks sweetie!

I know many of you are off work until after the first of the year. Without sounding like a workaholic….what do you do? Do you clean out closets and find places to put stuff? Do you shop at clearance sales? Do you just enjoy your children? I know I need to get busy with some projects at home, but I didn’t want to work over the weekend. Maybe if I had more time off I would be inclined to get started. As it is, I was ready to get back to work, well at least back in the routine of getting up early, working out, reading blogs…you know, work!

Two years ago today my daughter got married. Boy is her life about to change as she is anticipating the “full house”. I try not to tell her that life as she now knows it is over, but whew! I know that it is so!

I think I have told you before I never really got the whole “empty nest” thing. But perhaps not having children at home is what makes it seem like I am without anything to do. I’ve have always tried hard not to “wish my life away” waiting for the next season, holiday, weekend, payday or whatever. But I can honestly say I am looking forward to tennis season.{big surprise, huh?} But, I don’t have to wait long, weather permitting I will be on the courts tomorrow! The good thing about getting physical exercise is that the body craves it when it does not get enough.

I wonder if the same could be said for spiritual exercise. When we get in the habit of stretching ourselves and challenging our thinking and the ways that we can worship our God, do we then crave it all the more? Do we sometimes let ourselves get lazy and just do enough to get by? Do we wonder why we never really “feel good” and all the time we are neglecting ourselves. Perhaps we spend all of our time “eating right” {or so we think} and what we really need is to “exercise” our faith.

I didn’t start writing this post with these thoughts, but I am glad I ended with them. I need the reminder. How about you, are you getting enough exercise?

Today would have been my 2nd Day of Christmas post....but I was already losing interest and then when I came home today from a great time having a blogger lunch with Jenni, Mae and Terri, my sweet husband had taken down and packed away all of the Christmas decorations. It was surely a sign. So I have moved on. My title is now Happy New Year and my graphic is about fun. It is time to move on....no turning back, no turning back!

Also while I enjoyed my lunch today I am ready to get back to eating right! Perhaps the New Year resolutions will start early. Eating less and working out more are in my plans...starting tomorrow.

This year more than any other I don't just want to put the past behind me. I want to embrace what has been and realize that it is part of my story, part of who I am. As I go into this new year, I want to carefully alot my time. I want to stand at this point next year (provided my stand is still on this earth) and know that the good outweighs the bad. I want to have few regrets and look forward to the coming year with the same "anticipation" that I am looking to this one. It is great to live in a life of new beginnings and clean slates. I can't wait to see what the next chapter will be about.....

Christmas has been so much fun this year. Most of you will want to skip this post, it is just to help me remember...

Friday David and I went to see King Kong.....my recommendation, save your money. But we had a good time. We then went home and loaded the treadmill we had bought for Derek & Mary (per their request) and delivered it to them after we grabbed some dinner. (We had delivered Joe and Diana's space heater they requested last week). Matthew was asleep so we proceeded home to wrap gifts.

Saturday afternoon we gathered at my mother-in-laws for food, fun, and gifts for the kids. Matthew was so excited. Every gift held his undivided attention untill we could get him interested in the next. We enjoyed some good family time and everyone oohhed and ahhed over Diana's growing belly.

Then we came to our house. Matthew scored big here. When he was trying to "ride" on his tool bench, we got out his John Deere riding toy. This was perfect. He rode it while opening his other gifts with his new chain saw. Oh, he had so much fun and we had a blast watching him.

The other "hit" gift was an automatic plastic BB gun we got for Joe. He and Derek had to go outside in the rain and shoot. Then they started shooting each other. They were having a blast.
(these plastic BB's are fairly harmless).

Today we went to my Mom's for a wonderful meal and more gifts. Of course Joe had brought the gun. After he and Derek had tested it in the daylight, Derek came in and shot Mary in the rear. She was set for retribution and we took the show outside. Derek offered to let her shoot him in the stomach. Mary didn't have the heart for this and asked him to turn around and she shot him in the rear. But Derek persisited. He turned around and held up his shirt providing her a large target. Fearing shooting too low Mary took the high road, but ended up nailing Derek in the pinkie where he was holding his shirt up. Derek was sure he was going to die and Matthew was unhappy with the whole process. However the rest of us was hysterical with laughter and were totally unsympathetic to the guy who "asked" to be shot.

All in all a fun and laughter filled Christmas. Matthew's cutest phrase is "Ho, Ho, Ho" and his cutest habit is crying for his Mimi. He has truly been a blessing.

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, whose birthday we celebrate on December 25, the first day of Christmas. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge that feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, recalling the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem:

"Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered you under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but you would not have it so . . . ." (Luke 13:34)

And there were shepherds living out in the fields neary, keeping watch over their flocks at night. Luke 2:8

Watching. The shepherds were watching their sheep, but for years there people had been watching for the coming Messaih. They had read the prophecies, they knew he was coming and they hoped they would be able to see it. How marvelous to live in a time of history when God was acting directly. How great to receive the news via angel messengers. Perhaps they were so blessed because they had been "watching".

Tonight many children will go to bed "watching" for Santa to come and bring them gifts. Many parents will watch for that moment when their child has reached "deep sleep" where they can open the door and let Santa in. Christmas is a time filled with anticipation.

While we spend time with our families and enjoy our children let us "watch" for opportunities to tell them of Jesus. Let us center our lives on wathicng him and being like him. Mostly let us realize that the "best is yet to come" and watch for his return to take us home.

Are you ready? Let's go!!

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, John 17:20

We are getting closer, so close you can almost touch it! Do you think Mary knew two days before that her son was on his way? Do you think she was praying that they would make into Bethlehem where she could at least have a bed to lie in (She didn’t know the Inn was full). I imagine that from the time she had the visit from the angel her prayer life took on new meaning. It may have been filled with “I don’t understand this Lord, but your will be done”. Or she may have even been like some of us “Are you sure Lord? I don’t know if I can do this!” At any rate by the time she was ready to deliver she was more than likely just like any other woman expecting a child. Praying, making deals, praying, begging; please God, please God! Let him be OK, help me to deal with the pain and to be a good mother….please.

Prayers were answered when Jesus came into this world. As he was preparing to leave this world he was praying for you! Yes you and me! What great comfort to know that Jesus himself prayed for me. When I wake up during the night (as I routinely do around 2:00 a.m. do you think I am training to be the Mimi on call?) I pray. I always think of my daughter and the babies. Usually someone specific is on my heart as well. Sometimes I think to myself “who do I need to be praying for”. I don’t tell you that to brag, I am so negligent of my prayer life at other times. Maybe God is gently reminding me during the night just to get my undivided attention.

What a great gift we have been given. We have the ear of our Lord. We have an intercessor who knows what we are going through. As we celebrate Christmas, lets not forget to talk to our Father. He really wants to hear from you!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35

So you think I am going to talk about giving…but the word today is remember. When I did a topical search on the word remember there were 233 hits. God has constantly told us to remember.

Last night in our ladies class I borrowed Mike’s Quarter Remembrance. He has such a gift in his writing. I changed the context some and we remembered some of the things our “family” had been through during the past year. Good times, bad times, happy times and very sad times. Sometimes we can only appreciate where we are by reflecting on where we have been and what it has taken to get us to “here”.

So today as we continue to remember the birth of our Lord, and all of the events that were set into motion to give us the gift of life, I also want to remember the ways that he has guided my life, the roads he kept me off of, the ditches he has lifted me out of. Today I want to remember those who have been there for me, the ones that have let the Lord work through them. Thank you.

I remember that many of you have encouraged me when I was blue. You have laughed at me when I was stupid. You have cried with me when I was broken and rejoiced with me when I was blessed. I remember that you have taken the time to get to know me and to walk with me on part of this journey.

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

This morning I was going to put a new graphic on my blog to more appropriately wish you all a Merry Christmas. Instead I found the baby pig. But if you will notice he is looking into a "manger" (ie: feeding trough). Perhaps this is truly great symbolism for us. Without the birth of baby Jesus (and his eventual death and resurrection) we would just like that baby pig. We would be considered "unclean and unworthy". Perhaps that pig looking into a manger is the best way to represent myself to you all and to wish you a Merry Christmas!

When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, "Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

• I was hungry and you fed me,
• I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
• I was homeless and you gave me a room,
• I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
• I was sick and you stopped to visit,
• I was in prison and you came to me.”

Then those "sheep' are going to say, "Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?” Then the King will say, "I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me--you did it to me.” Matthew 25:31-39 (The Message)

I have a love/hate relationship with this passage or maybe I should say a fear/comfort relationship. To me this passage spells it out; our mission that is. You do this you’re a sheep…you don’t do this…you’re a goat. Seems pretty simple don’t it?

Surprisingly the folks who were “sheep” didn’t even realize what they were doing, or at least they didn’t realize the significance of their actions. During this time of year I am warmed by the community’s response to Christmas Trees/ Toys for Tots/ Food Drives and other great acts of giving. Yet often this is done with much fan-fare. People are very aware of what they are doing and they crave recognition for it. There is an article in the local paper almost daily covering such an event. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing good works, truly it is a wonderful thing. But where do these people go in January and February? Who is the newspaper covering then? Maybe a better question would be “If the newspaper was covering ME what would they report?”

As I look at that list I know that I fall short all year long. But I am resolved to keep trying. Today I will mail a gift card to the parents of a struggling family in Pascagoula. This is the same family whose children I bought gifts for. I pray that the gift will be a blessing to them. There is also an ideal on my heart that I need to help someone locally. (Do I say that I am being “led” to do this…? I think so!) I want to take part of my Christmas bonus and do this. However, I find myself “screening” families in my mind. “Do they really NEED help?” “Could they give up cigarettes?” “What if he would just get a regular job?” What am I doing; being as wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove”, or am I just being judgmental? I have prayed for guidance on this one.

As we anticipate the celebration of the birth of our Lord, let us remember the mission that he gave us……All Year Long! Maybe we could hold each other accountable.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us. (1 John 4:11-12 NLT)

Dear friends….what glorious words! Last evening was spent celebrating with just that, dear friends! We shared a meal, shared a prayer, and shared some laughs. We played a game, exchanged some gifts and laughed some more. We are a diverse group, at different life stages and very different professions. However we are bound together by more than the bonds of friendship, we are interconnected through the blood of our Lord. I guess that makes us “blood-sisters”.

Love is truly the greatest gift that God gave us. Can we honor him this holiday season by taking time to love each other?

Today we went back to the Doctor. All of the babies are doing great. Female Baby C threw her arms up over her face when the sonographer tried to get a shot of her face. I guess she is going to be shy like her Mi-Mi {ha}. The Doctor did fuss at Diana a little because she has not gained enough weight. I tried to get her to average in what I had gained, but somehow it just doesn’t count.

I love spending time with my daughter. For one thing she thinks I am funny and I love a good audience. But she also cracks me up. Today I was telling her how my Mom had said that their waterbed mattress had sprang another leak and in her words had “shot it’s wad”. I told Diana that I was pretty sure my Mom didn’t know what that saying actually meant, or she would never use it. Of course then I had to explain to her what it meant! She then told me that she had not heard the expression “moo point” till she heard it on Joey. I said “really, what does it mean?” She said “It is just what a cow thinks so it is not important.” I hate that my daughter is learning euphemisms from Joey and thinking they are correct! Although when she was much younger she figured out all by herself that the girls that think they are better than anybody else are “goody tissues”. Yep, that girl cracks me up!

I Corinthians 11: 23b-26
The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me." In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.

Yesterday I met with my church family. We sang praises to God for the wonderful gift of his son. We recognized that his gift meant that “He was with us” through his son Immanuel. Dennis spoke to us about what we really should want for Christmas. It was good to be there. But the best part was taking a moment and remembering….remembering that perfect gift that could have only been given out of the most divine love. As we ate the bread and drank the cup I felt for a moment the most overwhelming sense of gratitude coupled with a constant sense of unworthiness.

At the season when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, we know that without his death and resurrection, that night would have been just another starry night in Bethlehem. Today I want to try harder to live worthy of my Savior’s sacrifice. I want to wrap myself in that perfect love and allow it to change me. Will you live in the light of his love today?

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

There are so many joys found in the Lord. There are ways we "serve" and never know we are doing anything but having a good time. Yesterday my son and daughter-in-law wanted to finish Christmas shopping. We "sacrificed" by keeping our grandson until the afternoon. He is so precious and right now he thinks his Mi-Mi hung the moon. I would appreciate it if we could let him keep those thoughts as long as possible.

After we relinquished our prize we did some shopping of our own. David and I had a wonderful time together, shopping, talking, planning and of course eating! It is fun to buy for your children and sheer joy to buy for your children's children.

All family matters are not quite so joyful at this season. David's mother is struggling with health issues. She has severely diseased blood veins and while she needed a stint in her heart it was too dangerous to do the procedure. We took Matthew to see her, I think it brightened her day. Please say a prayer for her.

As we enjoy our families (and PLEASE enjoy your family) it is hard to fathom that our Father would bring his son into this earth to prepare to die for us. It is even harder to believe that we can be totally ungrateful and even unconcerned with this great love. Will you show the love of the Father to your family today?

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you

Yesterday a friend had a request. He needed something not for himself, but for some people who were in need. People that he thought were already taken care of. I was glad to do what I could. I love giving at Christmas time.

Do we believe that if we ask it will be given to us? Maybe it takes great faith to ask.

Hebrews 3:13 ..encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Encouragement is such an important part of our Christian walk. Yet sometimes it is easy to neglect. I was extremely blessed yesterday as many of my blogging friends sent me comments and e-mails filled with words of encouragement. I thank you for that, truly it means so much to me.

Last night I spent an evening with my good friend Terri. We were actually having a late birthday celebration and had a wonderful time. It is good to be able to share not only the serious side of my thoughts but the mundane and ridiculous things I think about too! I hope last evening was an encouragement to her as well, but I know it encouraged me.

When I think of the days and even years before the Christ child was born, I know that many of the Jewish people needed to be encouraged that the Messiah would ever come. It had been such a long time. The God of their fathers had been strangely silent for a long time. Is this really going to happen? Will God send a Messiah into the earth?

Maybe today we look for Jesus to return with the same doubts and hopeful longing. We know what was promised but we are just so busy with life that we don’t have time to think about Jesus coming for us. We too need encouragement. We need to be reminded.

Yesterday I mailed my Christmas cards. I have a few more to mail today, but they are mostly done. Perhaps if we look at cards as a way of encouraging each other we will be more diligent to send them. The gift of encouraging words will be one of the best gifts I receive this year. How about you?

OK. I am trying, I really am! I put the fun Snowman on my blog for you all, and I am seriously working on my TDA (Ten Days of Anticipation) but, not only am I not finished with my shopping; I HAVE NOT STARTED!!

I don’t know what to blame it on this year. Somehow time just keeps slipping away. I want to be in the spirit, but I am not quite there. I enjoy buying for my children and adore buying things for my grandson, but I don’t enjoy shopping….at all. But now I have backed myself into this corner to HAVE to get it done when everybody else is doing it!

Tonight I am going to spend a relaxing evening with a good friend. I am going to forget about everything I need to do and just have a good time. Don’t worry, like “George” with grading his papers and Paul doing his last minute report, I will get it all done…..eventually.








Do you think this magic wand works??

Psalms 112: 5-9

5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely who conducts his affairs with justice. 6 Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever.
7 He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. 8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

9 He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor.

On the First Day of Anticipation I was reminded of how blessed I am. I know that there are many people who feel the love of God, but are hungry, scared and alone at this time of year. Knowing that the Season represents the greatest gift, the gift of our Lord and Savior, I will celebrate anticipation by giving.

Today I will scatter gifts to the poor. I have adopted a family in Pascagoula and have ordered the gifts to be delivered one day next week. Some may think that there are plenty of families in my community that could use my help, and you are right. But, this year those that normally help those in the communities in the Gulf Coast region are doing good to keep there own heads above water. My home community will not be neglected. I have chosen to help someone I don’t know and whom I will probably never meet. I will miss the joy of watching them receive the gifts. But perhaps they will feel the love of God flowing from me to them and they too will anticipate the coming of the One! Blessed be His NAME!!

I was going to start my 2nd Annual 12 Days of Christmas today. However, when I started researching the tradition I found that the traditional time period began with Christmas Day as the first day of Christmas and lasted until January 6th. I think I will instead try to conform to the traditional method and post about the symbols associated with each day at that time.

So instead I am going to start a new tradition this year. I am going to call it The Ten Days of Anticipation. It will begin today and end on Christmas Eve. I will then begin the 12 Days of Christmas. Day one will be the first day of Anticipation and will start tomorrow, December 15th.

I'm looking forward to trying to start a new tradition and maybe getting in the Christmas Spirit.
Care to join me? It's a "made-up journey"

{and no Carly Simon or Heinz Ketchup!!}

Baby Update


A= Girl

B=Boy

C=Girl





The detailed sonogram showed they all have healthy hearts, kidneys, stomachs and brains. They all were actively showing their arms and legs. Baby boy is the biggest at 54 percentile. The girls are 44% and 40%. Lot of baby in that belly.

Again the miracle of birth, conception and growth of human beings inside of another human being amazed and humbled me. It is such a joy to be a part of this journey. I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you.

What has you on edge? Is it Christmas, is it the end of the year, or is it your own insecurities about who you are and what you have accomplished? Do you feel that you are incomplete? Do you think you keep “just missing” the mark? Will the New Year bring with it a plan to get your life on the track you want it on? Or will it be just another exercise in setting goals that you never really intend to keep?

Does any of this apply to you, or is it just me?


There's somethin' wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes

We're seeing things in a different way
And God knows it ain't His
It sure ain't no surprise

We're livin' on the edge

Aerosmith (1992)

Do we believe that joy is optional?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Maybe if we are lacking joy it is a trust problem.

Happiness may be an option, but as Christians how can we not be filled with joy?

Updated Monday Morning

Friday! That day of the week when whatever you write on your blog…fewer people will read it. Do you all get to leave work early on Fridays or are busy will having a “real” life?

This morning I have a host of topics dancing around in my head. I think that may even be worse than having nothing to say. I think I will just go with questions.

1. Do you have “triggers” that make you vulnerable to a spiritual weakness (OK sin)?
2. Do you think you look and act your age?
3. Do you HATE to admit your age?
4. Why is it so hard to transfer ideals to action?
5. Are there any people in your life who you would consider a stumbling block? (See Tuesday’s post)
6. Why can’t I love people like my dog loves me?
7. Why do we “let” Christmas turn into a frenzied time of commercial hype and increased debt?
8. Why do my bangs grow faster than the rest of my hair?
9. Why do my muscles I work so hard for hide under layers of FAT?
10. Do people think “those people are just like Jesus” when they think of your church?
    

Pick and choose questions to answer, skip it altogether, or answer them all: it is your choice! Just a little sample of what is rolling around in my head…..Happy Friday!

Last night as I was leaving church I asked one of our elders how his mother was feeling. She is a sweet lady who I have known my whole life and is in the hospital recovering from a pretty serious illness. Well he asked me how MY mother was! What? Well she is fine, why? Seems his mother told him that my mother had fallen and broken her ankle! What?!! I played tennis Tuesday night and had not talked to her on Wednesday but surely somebody would have called me!! So I pick up the phone on the way home to call her thinking she won’t answer the phone because they will still be at church. She answers the phone!

“Mom, how are you doing” I said tentatively.
“Oh, alright I guess, how are ya’ll?”
“Uh, we are OK. Frank said Dorothy said you broke your ankle!”
“No that was Joy Hale” (My Mom’s name is Joy too)
“Whew! I thought I was really in trouble, why are you not at church?” {see all that legalistic training paid off}
“We meet at 6:00 on Wednesday night”
“Oh”

We had just talked about setting some spiritual goals in class. My goal {that I could mention out loud} was to visit my uncle as I told ya’ll about yesterday. Looks like I need to revise that to check on my parents daily, just where I am not caught off guard like that again!!

Do you believe that a goal is not a goal if it is not written down?

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Paul Tillich



Does this bring a sense of relief to anyone else!

Happy Pearl Harbor Day! Yes I know it is a dark day in our history but in the end we won! That should be the greatest analogy of all for the Christian. This day has special significance to me. If you want to know why go back and read about it here.

Oddly enough the second part of that post from last year was talking about me being real with my friends….do you sense a recurring problem with me in my life? I must say that I have done much better since this time last year and with the Lord’s help by next year I might be so “real” that none of you can stand me!!

I was thinking about it being Pearl Harbor day and the fact that most of the WWII veterans are slowly dying off. I told you that my uncle Kelly who we buried last week served during the war. I failed to tell you that they did the military service at the graveside. It was very moving and an appropriate thing to do for anyone who has served their country. My uncle Paul (Kelly’s brother) also served during the WWII. He is in the same nursing home that my uncle Kelly was in. They spent everyday having long conversations. I wonder if they ever talked of the war years. I can’t help but feel regret at not talking to them when they were together. My Uncle Paul is very lonely without his brother to talk to. As much as I HATE nursing homes and I am making a public commitment to go and spend some time with him. Ya’ll hold me to it!

During the funeral last week they ended with the song Walking Alone at Eve. This was one of my Papa Wallace’s favorite songs. I could not help but think this morning of the soldiers in Christ’s war that have gone on before. My Papa was a great man of God whose faith and love for God just grew stronger everyday that he lived. While my uncles deserve recognition for fighting to keep our country free how much more should we honor those who fought the “good fight”; those who paved the way by demonstrating such great faith and passing it on to their children. There was a baseball size lump in my throat as we sang the chorus to this lovely hymn.

So, can I cause you to stumble? Are my words important enough to you that if I said something you did not agree with it would throw you for a loop? I really don’t think so. On the other hand, I have had some people who were very important to me; get very upset when I offered a different view point on the way we “do” church or some other aspect of the Sunday service. I have been called negative and argumentative by a close friend. When this happens, when you are hurt, it does affect the way you share.

I read the blogs of many people who will talk about things with a great deal of passion that I either don’t care about or totally disagree with. It does not affect the way I think or the way I feel about them {most of the time}. There are some posts that stay with me for a while. I chew on what you say and it causes me to examine myself and the way I think about something. But really, does it change my mind or even mess up my mind? No. I do realize however that we are not all on the same page or the same place in our walk. Sometimes I could make a statement that would not make sense to you if you were either way ahead of or way behind me on my spiritual journey. And perhaps this is not the best forum for just tossing something out there before I have thought it through. You know, one of my favorite teaching tools is playing the “devil’s advocate”. I love to throw out an ideal that is contrary to the “normal” way of thinking just to get some conversation started. I do try to keep from doing this here. If for no other reason than it may be the “one” day that you read what I write, and you never come back to realize that I was trying to make a point.

So what it is I was talking about yesterday. I think the real issue is I am afraid. I am afraid you will not like me if you know what I really think. I am afraid you will judge me if I tell you too much about my struggles, my journey. Perhaps being criticized once by someone who supposedly cared for me was enough to make me “gun-shy” forever. I don’t worry so much about those of you who know me only through what I write (although an argument could be made that you know me better than personal friends who do not read what I write..) I think that you are like me, just enjoying sharing someone else’s faith journey and relating to the individual struggles and successes we each have.

As for tempering what I say based on the circumstances of my readers as Elizabeth said, I don’t think I should do that (nor should you Elizabeth). It is important to have gratitude in our lives and to be able to count our blessings. Tough times will come; it is good to share those as well. I think the danger comes when we paint our world to be something that it is not. No one is completely joyful all of the time and no one has circumstances that are totally bereft of joy.

As for writing of things that would cause someone real spiritual harm as Dee talked about in her comment, I don't know if I truly am capable of doing that. I understand the burden that Dee feels and I know that her faith walk has led her much further than mine has. It is not that I am so "spiritual" in my thinking, just that I can't think of anything I would say in truth that would influence another in such a way. Perhaps that is a testimony of my shallowness.

And the bottom line is, I do this for me. None of you are going to go back and read what I wrote last May, no matter how clever and witty I thought I was at the time. However, I do go back and read. I think someday my children and maybe even my grandchildren will enjoy reading what I have written. So, no more excuses. I will just tell you where I am and what I am thinking {sure I will} and not worry about causing you to stumble. Because it appears that the only one I put a road-block in front of, is myself.

Hey thanks Rick!

Some days there is absolutely nothing to say. I am not sure if I have too much rolling around in my head or not enough, but I can’t see to string a thought together.

Then there is the issue of being a little too real. I don’t want to cause anyone else to stumble because of something I say. Somehow I didn’t worry about that too much when I didn’t know anyone personally who reads this.

At any rate, I had a good weekend. The best thing I did is here. And no, I haven’t put up a tree, addressed a card, bought a present or anything else that would qualify me to be “started” on Christmas. I have made plans to spend time with family and friends. I have learned to value both more. I think maybe I have done the important thing……

(warning: just meandering down memory lane today)

It is always strange to go to the funeral home and see family that you have not seen in months, sometimes years. Last night was no different. It is getting harder as my aunts and uncles and even my parents just continue to get older. It is amazing to me that as close as my cousin Jennifer and I were growing up we never see each other now, unless it is at the family reunion, or like this. We are awkward around each other, not really having anything in common or anything to say. Last night I noticed that the family had brought some photo albums. I wondered. Would it be there? Uncle Kelly had a favorite practical joke that he pulled on me (and everybody else who would fall for it). It happened when I was about 9 years old. I remembered that my aunt had taken a picture. We were all in the kitchen floor, me in my now wet pajamas…all of us laughing. As I opened the album it was there. I hardly recognized my younger self laughing, but it was me and it was him, laughing and having a great time. When Jennifer walked up she asked me if I found it, and suddenly all of the years melted away and we talked and talked of the things we used to do, the fun we used to have, the trouble we used to cause.

Funerals and wakes at the funeral home are bittersweet experiences. My aunt and both of her daughters were holding up remarkably well, but my Mom and her sister had a really tough time when they first saw the body. And while everyone visited and got reacquainted we all knew it would not be that long till we gathered in this fashion again to tell somebody else goodbye. The cousins who are my age are now becoming grandparents (like me). We are supposed to still be the kids! Why is it when you are with family you think of yourself as the age you were when you all hung out together?

When we got back home I opened the paper to find his obituary. My weekly ad that runs was at the bottom of the page. I thought that was sweet, at least for me. I am posting the scanned and edited version of that page here, just so I will remember it. If you have journeyed with me down memory lane today, thank you. I think sometimes it is important to write down a little of “my story” as Terri says, just to help me remember and to someday give my children and my grandchildren a glimpse into who I was….who I am.

How did it get to be Thursday? I have had a thought brewing in my head since Sunday, but simply have not taken time to get it written down {if I don’t do it soon it will have slipped out of my mind with the millions of other trivial details it seems to loose everyday, like where I put stuff!} Maybe when I attempt to get too serious I think you all will laugh at my reasoning and my conclusions. But mostly, I think I just sometimes lack the discipline to sit down and work through some thoughts that require more than just a “quick type”.

Last night in the ladies class I was leading, we were discussing the way the Apostle Paul had encouraged the Philippians to put into practice what they had learned from him; what they saw, heard and realized. (4:9) I asked the question of the class “could you tell someone all they had to do to be a Christian was to act like you act and do the things that you do”? Uh, sometimes….maybe? The truth is for most of us we walk a “zigzagged” line.

This past Sunday I was reading in Galatians 5 and a verse jumped out at me that I had not noticed before.

17- The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict.(NLT)

It has been there all along, but sometimes I miss the fact that the conflict will never go away. While we are developing the fruits of the Spirit that are detailed in verse 22 &23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), we are still going to be plagued by the tendencies of our selfish nature to indulge in the activities in verses 20 & 21 (sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like).

Perhaps the example that Paul left for the Philippians is not that different from what we do today. If he lived among them he would have displayed this “other side” from time to time. The true art of Christian living is not mastering a list of fruits, but rather determining the Spirit we are going to follow. When our sinful self interest rears its ugly head in our lives, we must be able to squash it and move back towards our Spirit filled lives. Paul himself assures us that the conflict will always be there.

I don’t know why this brings me comfort. Maybe because in the past I have felt that I would eventually be able to mature into the Christian who had mastered this fruit of the Spirit. As I have gotten older and matured greatly in my faith I still find myself falling so short. I don’t even make it to self-control before realizing I am missing the mark. Perhaps that “legalistic” upbringing of mine makes me want to use this as a check list instead of the peaceful promise that Paul was declaring to the Galatians. I think that knowing our lives of faith will still be filled with conflict from our carnal self helps me to realize that zigzagging is still a method of moving forward. I don’t know about you, but for me that is a great relief.