Joyful Transformation

This morning while driving to work I decided to listen to my Bible CD’s. Since I have been reading Dallas Willard’s The Divine Conspiracy, I have enjoyed listening to the Sermon on the Mount over and over. But I asked myself “are you listening to the Bible just because you think you are supposed to?” I realized that the answer was no. Nobody knows what I do in the privacy of my own vehicle, so I felt a little good about myself that I was listening just because I wanted to!

I had come to a stop at the end of our road where it ends into a five lane highway. I was about the 5th car in a line of traffic waiting to turn left onto this road. I had just been listening to one of the phrases that Jesus used repeatedly about how God desired mercy and not sacrifice. I have always had a little trouble getting my mind around this; maybe because sacrifice has such a different definition for us than it did for people from a Jewish heritage. But anyway, I was sitting there minding my own business when POW! Somebody had hit me in the back. It is amazing what the rush of adrenaline can do to you. My heart was beating 90 to nothing and for at least ½ second I couldn’t figure out what had happened. When I realized that the truck behind me had hit me for no apparent reason I got out of my vehicle and met him at the point of impact. He was very apologetic and said that he was messing with stuff in the truck and just let his foot slip off the brake or something. His tag plate had busted and had cut a small portion of my bumper. Did I mention my car is not even a year old? He offered to buy me a new bumper. I told him that it was OK, there was no real damage done. Truly a couple of small cuts in the bumper of a SUV just give it character, right? My husband didn’t really think so. He seemed to be upset that I hadn’t even got the man’s name; after all I may develop whip-lash or something…..

I, however; saw it as my act of mercy for the day. After all, a couple of years ago I rear-ended a lady in the same place. I had a better reason…the way was clear and she just failed to go…but I digress. Today I could have been a jerk, or I could have just demanded justice and retribution, I was, after all, totally innocent. Instead I would like to think that the Spirit moved me to show mercy. Suddenly that phrase I had just been listening to became very real to me.

I had my first match with the team of which I am captain last night! We started with a mark in the WIN column! Yeah! I would like to think that I am not only getting a little better at tennis, but I am also relaxing some and enjoying it more. Watching Wimbledon this week helps me realize that paid professionals with no other job but watching the lines misses a few calls now and then. Recreational players making calls in the midst of playing are going to miss some. Now believe it or not, I worry more about the calls I may have missed than the ones that are called against me (unless it seems to be intentional bad calls). But last night I thought “hey, I am being as fair as I can be, if I miss it, I miss it” and I had Fun!!

There is a carnival that comes to the park where we were playing every 4th of July. Last night they were setting up the equipment right next to our courts. The noise of the generators and the hammering on the machines was a little distracting. I felt like I was screaming when I called the scores.

It was interesting that the guys setting up the big slide right beside our court were totally into our tennis match. Somehow they found it much more interesting than their work. In the meantime I was thinking how cool that slide looked and how much fun it would be to go down it. Which just goes to show no matter which side of the fence you are on (with the exception of maybe prison yards) the other side always looks more appealing.

In the 70’s there was a song “Love the One Your With”. The gist of the lyrics is if you can’t be with the one that you love just to love the one your with. I think we could find much happiness in life if we could learn to “Love The Place We are In”. No matter how entertaining or appealing another place looks, we cheat ourselves of the joy of the moment if we don’t learn to love where we ARE!

So for today, that is my goal. ‘Gonna be happy where I am and find the good in all that I do! Will you join me?

It is official; today is my one-year blog-o-versary.

The thought of starting a blog originated for me by reading Mike Cope’s blog. I am sure many of you could say the same thing. Soon I learned to click on the comments and read the blog’s of the commentors. “Wow! This is cool,” I thought, “I think I can do this too!” With a little push (or a lot of nagging) Terri convinced me to start my own. I had disclosed to her my desire to write. This seemed like a good way to fulfill that desire. Somehow knowing that just one person might read what I had written was enough to keep me going.

I went back and read some of my first two month’s post last night. Sometimes my writing actually impressed me. But most of all I am just glad that I did it. I recorded my first experiences as a grandmother (Matthew turned 11 months old yesterday!). I shared with you how I came up with the name Mi-Mi, I am not sure I would have remembered it if I had not written it down. I have written of friends I have lost through death. I have been able to share my love for the people who are special to me. I have made commitments, rose to challenges, monitored my reading and learned to review everyday and take some kind of lesson from it whether good or bad. I have gone from a mild concern that I was writing this stuff and no one would ever read it, to worrying about too many people reading it. Slowly I have begun to reveal more and more of myself. In the beginning it was only initials, later I added my full name, since I have shortened to first name, last initial. I have shared my hopes and frustrations with my church and myself. I shared with you the attending of my first Zoë conference as well as other trips Terri and I have made together. Sharing the birthday outings we have had with our group at church ensures that I will always have those memories to cherish.

So I thank those of you who stop by from time to time. I truly enjoy this writing experience. I enjoy all of your comments but do not write just to receive them; they are just icing on an already delicious cake. I find greater joy and spend much more time reading the blog’s of others. Thank you for all the ways that you have blessed and enriched my life. May we blog to “infinity and beyond”!

It is amazing how well I can shoot. I was afraid of hitting the main artery in her leg and causing her to bleed to death. That wasn’t what she paid me to do. She just wanted a leg injury where she wouldn’t have to go to war. I hit her just below her knee-cap. From the look on her face she was not anticipating this much pain. Now, I had to disappear without anyone seeing me. That shouldn’t be a problem, after all this was not my first time, I had shot people before. I had never killed anyone and I was being paid, in this case by the person I was shooting, so I really was not having much of a moral dilemma with the whole thing.

As I worked my way back into the crowd (I had to establish an alibi) I ran across someone that I knew. “What is going on?” I asked. She looked at me and a look of enlightenment came across her face. “I know exactly what is going on.” She said. I am sure I had that deer-in-the-headlight look as all of the blood drained out of my face. “What do you mean?” I asked. “I just remembered seeing a bag last night, much like a bag I saw five years ago. At the time I could never put it all together, but now I KNOW.”

She stopped short of making an accusation, but I knew that I had been caught. I knew that the whole story would come out and I would be exposed for the worthless person that I had become.

Fortunately I woke up at this point. I was filled with so much disappointment in myself. How could I not think shooting people was wrong, even if they did pay me! I was relieved to know that I don’t even own a gun, and the thought of me being able to shoot one straight is down right hilarious.

What prompted such a dream? Well yesterday we were talking about our mask we wear to church and how we have become so attached to them that we don’t WANT to lower them and let anyone in. We were afraid how people would treat us if they knew how we really are. I made the bold step of starting with a confession. I told of taking the margarine out of the refrigerator that very morning. But when I opened the lid expecting creamy margarine, I found some left-over substance that had been in the fridge long enough to liquefy and become quite aromatic. (It stank!) I spilled it on the counter and out of my mouth came the pet word that frequents my lips in times of great stress, a word that I really didn’t want to repeat at church, a word that truly qualifies me as a “potty-mouth”. So as I try to be a good example to my husband, instead I slip into the “real me”; The sinful Donna that would be totally and eternally lost without the grace of God, because when things are left up to her she blows it….repeatedly.

The thought that I pulled my mask down for a minute, and not being real sure the ladies liked me after I showed them that part of myself must have been weighing on my mind. This coupled with the fact that I watched the end of Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle before going to bed. I have always related to (OK I am delusional) Demi Moore. She was not a good girl in this movie, and unlike the current day Angels, she used guns.

So maybe my dream will help enforce two important lessons for me;
1. Be careful who you reveal yourself to.
2. Be more selective of role models.

Sweet Dreams folks!

It was an emotional day. It is hard to say good-bye to friends on earth. While in our heart we know they are in a much better place, our head tells us they belong here with us. It is hard to understand a life we don’t know, but we are assured it is much better than the life we are struggling through. I am glad God told us his ways are not our ways.

At the funeral I looked around and realized that I knew almost everyone there. For all the ways that our church families are not perfect, they are family! The love in that room, the concern for our hurting members; that is a taste of what heaven will be about. I was also impressed with the singers. I have stood in the back as part of the singing group many times. I have never had the opportunity to be sitting where I could here the blending of the voices. It was beautiful; yet another glimpse of heaven.

It is funny how when someone leaves this life everything you see is a reminder of them. From the kind of car they drove to their boat on the lake. We went for a boat ride this afternoon and went by the lake lot where we used to get together to eat hamburgers and play on the boat. Earl always welcomed us as part of his family. I don’t know why we all bonded, but I am thankful that we did.

It was a beautiful day to pay respect to a good man. I look forward to the day when we can all be together again.

I was planning to change my "template" to celebrate my blog-o-versary on June 28th.

But due to technical difficulties I have changed it 4 days early!

I will be tweaking it some, but hope you enjoy the new look. The strange thing is I remember watching Wimbledon when I started this last year. Guess what I am doing tonight as I make these changes? You got it! Go Andy!!

There was an article in our local newspaper about 2 churches who had received donations of $100,000 each.

One church listed 5 projects they would spend the money on:

1. State of the art playground
2. completion of the parking lot
3. A highly visible sign on the highway
4. Beginning a benevolence fund
5. begin an education building fund.

The spokesman for the church said that this would not have happened if it hadn't been obvious that God's work was being done here....

Hmmmm...

I love you guys. You are such encouragers and you refuse to let me be a whiney-baby. Thanks.

I have discovered a very powerful weapon/tool. Yesterday I was carrying some grilled hamburgers and Terri’s wonderful cookies to the King family. Derek and Matthew went with me.

Matthew had everyone smiling and laughing. There is nothing that will bring a little joy during a time of mourning like the sweetness of an innocent child. I could literally feel the stress lifting from these people that I love as they focused their attention on him.

God is good. He gives us what we need when we need it.

He also uses us to deliver what other people need, let’s not let him down

I had a dream last night that my daughter was still about 10 years old. She was telling me in a smart mouth way that “I never did anything”. I woke up with a sick feeling that maybe she was right!

This morning I found out that a very dear man to me, Earl King, had passed from this life. Last year I had posted about his family and how important they had been in my life. At that time I said he was not a member of our church. I am so grateful to report that had changed. During the last year he had given his life to God and worshipped with his family. This is truly the only thing in life that matters when it comes down to it.

It is rare when an entire family befriends you. But this is what happened with the King family. At one time Jane Ann and I were very close. She is one of the sweetest and kindest ladies on earth. Her husband Rodney is a perfect compliment to her. Their love for each other and their son Josh is a textbook description of a “near-perfect” Christian marriage. Her brother Doug and his wife Melissa became our lake and beach buddies. Our families spent so much time together when my children were younger that my children think of them as part of the family, they are truly special friends. Even the older brother Jack who lives in Arizona seems like family. He is an Air Force guy like both of my brothers and has a home on the lake I live on. I see him about as often as my own brothers. Marie is one of the godliest women I know. She has been my example and my sounding board while I was raising my kids. She just had a knack of knowing when I needed a boost, when things were getting to me. She helped me to realize that some things were just not important and to not worry about them. There are many times in my life when she has been the one to turn to for balance. She is the perfect role model for me as a grandmother. Her grandchildren absolutely adore her. I love Marie King.

Earl was so much like my own dad. He enjoyed life and enjoyed talking to people. He never was too busy to give me a hug and a word of encouragement. His family was so important to him and to me one of the most important measures of a man’s life is how he treats his family. He loved his family. They loved him. He is truly going to be missed..

I had posted something called “Life” last night. I was thinking this morning of some changes I wanted to make to it when I got a phone call from a friend. During the night a very dear and special man to me had passed from this life and entered into eternity. I removed that earlier post, knowing that my shallow look at “Life” was not an appropriate post at this time.

Pain: It can take over and control your life, if you let it.
Injury: You have to allow time to heal; you must cease activity that causes pain.
Healing: Allowing time and rest to work on the injury, enduring pain and recognizing the difference in what is making you better and what is aggravating you.
Patience: The key to healing.
Control: What you must give up when dealing with pain.

My husband calls me a control freak! It is not that I exhibit Type A personality traits, I don’t. It is not that I want to be in charge of everyone else, I don’t. It is just that I cannot stand to let someone or something else be in control of ME! So needless to say this whole injury thing is not going so well. Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day here. I was dying to play tennis, but I couldn’t. Sunday was equally as nice, I wanted to ride the Sea-Doo, but I couldn’t. By Monday I had reached my limit. I went to Spin Class. How much do you have to use your left arm to ride a bicycle? More than I thought! From tightening my straps on my feet, to balancing where I could reach with my right hand to get a drink of water, I realized that I do need my left hand. Well, I survived, but was in much more pain than I thought I would be. It is amazing how my shoulder hurts from straining to keep my arm from getting hurt. Every body part is called on to adjust for the hurt arm.

Tonight, I went to tennis practice. I mean, how much do you use your left arm to play tennis. Of course I do have a two handed backhand and you do need to toss your serve with your left hand. But with a brace on my elbow, I actually played fairly well. I think part of it is the concentration it takes to play when you know certain moves will cause you pain. So the rest of my body works harder or makes sacrifices to help the aching arm heal.

You know, if my elbow could talk it would tell you that it don’t understand why it has to be the one in pain. The feet were the ones that caused the fall and they weren’t even hurt. The hand was the wise guy who thought he could break the fall. The wrist was the one that initially hurt. Even the head snapped back and made contact with the hard courts. And yet, here is the innocent elbow, just hanging out in the middle of the arm, taking all of the impact and suffering all of the lingering effects of a fall that was not it’s fault!

This morning, I could not help but think of the Body of Christ, the church. Many times the “member” hurting had nothing to do with the fall. The impact of other member’s failings cause pain and hurt when you are just going about your business, doing your job. But just like my body makes adjustments for the hurting member, so the church must make adjustments to help our hurting members. Some members may have to carry more than their fair share for a while. Carrying our hurting member may cause other members some temporary pain as well. But just like my body does what it takes to get the healing it needs, so the church will make the changes and adjustments to help our hurting members to heal.

My arm needs ice and rest to fully heal along with exercises that stretch it back to it’s original range of motion. In the same way hurting members must have some space to chill and rest. If all we do is stretch them back to where they once were, we could cause more damage than is already there.

My heart remains heavy for those who hurt because of the fall of others. I pray for them and those who are there to carry them through the pain.

Chris Green tagged me, so here goes…

Number of books I own: Approximately 670. I did not get in the closets and boxes to do an exact count.

Last book I bought: I bought a NLT Bible last month, I ordered three books prior to that, Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller, A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren, and Out of the Question and Into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet

Last book I read: Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them- John Ortbert

Book I’m Reading: I also read more than one at a time, but the main one is The Divine Conspiracy- Dallas Willard

Books that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

Forgiven Forever- Joe Beam

The Jesus Proposal- Rubel Shelley and John York

If You Want to Walk On Water, You’ve Got To Get Out of The Boat — I like all of Ortberg’s stuff, but this has been my favorite.

In the fiction category- I like James Patterson’s Alex Cross series. I have really enjoyed Brian Haig’s books. I am looking forward to the new Harry Potter book and laugh if you want to but I really enjoyed the Left Behind Series. I was not reading it to establish or confirm “end-times” doctrine. I just enjoyed reading a fast paced novel with Christianity as the center of the characters lives.

Tag 5 More:

I am not going to tag 5- but I am going to tag JD I think I owe him one.

However, if you would like to do this it is fun, so consider yourself tagged.

Grandmother trying to deny the deteriorating of her physical prowess falls on her butt, and unfortunately her left hand while trying to run backwards and hit a tennis ball!!

Other than my dignity which was sorely bruised, I have also “jammed” my left arm. I put my hand down to break the fall and pretty much took all of my weight on this arm. The good news is No Broken Bones…the bad news is I cannot straighten my left arm out, I cannot lift it over my head and sometimes I just have waves of pain through the arm. My sweet husband had to help me dry my hair, and some of the simplest of things become very difficult with one arm. Fortunately I was not hurt badly and plan to be back on the tennis courts next week!!

I had a moment while I was waiting on the Doctor where I lapsed into a moment of self-pity. I have a lot of things on my mind including being behind at work and facing the reality that one of my best friends is probably moving. I don’t like dealing with things I can’t control. Now here is this pain that just don’t care what my mind says, it takes over the moment it appears and controls all of me! Yet amid anything I can call trials I can see that I am blessed beyond reason. If I drew up the famous T-chart and listed the good things in my life on one side and the bad things on the other it would be totally weighted on the side of good. So I quickly fought off the urge to cry and am working on having a wonderful day!

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7

That means ME TOO!!

Last night I was reading The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. Many of you have read this book and know how deep and rich it is. (for those of you who haven’t read it ..that means that he uses a lot of big words and deep, deep concepts!). This has not been a fast read for me, I find myself “chewing” on what he has to say for days sometimes before I am ready to pick up and go on.

The part I was reading last night was saying that there are two things that keep us from being able to grow in God.

1. The pursuit of praise from men especially for some spiritual act
2. Materialism. Especially trusting in anything on this earth for our comfort, protection or future.

This worried me. I appreciate compliments, comments and affirmation. I know that there is a difference in doing something just for the recognition and someone just saying they appreciate you. He went into detail talking about how not letting the left hand know what the right hand was doing was impossible if you “tried” to do it. If you ever think about how “not” to do something; that is all you can think about. So while I was tempted to turn the comment section of my blog off, just to see if that was the only reason I blogged, I realized that for me it is not the affirmation I am seeking, it is community. I enjoy this way of sharing ideals and getting to know people that I would otherwise never meet on this side of heaven.

As far as trusting in material things, I try not to…but I fail. I want to know that I have retirement money and my house paid for (someday!) I am sometimes better at this than at others. I don’t mind spending money on my children, my parents, my husband, myself and especially on my grandson. I like to be able to give money away. I like to be able to help people. But, could I sell everything I own and just follow Jesus? (I know he is not asking us too, but shouldn’t we be able to answer whether or not we would?) I have work to do here. I don’t want anything to stand in the way of my relationship with God.

So do you have any suggestions on how to accomplish this? What do you do to keep it all in perspective?

Why do you think life is so easy for some and such a struggle for others? I realize there are decisions and paths we chose for our lives that shape it to some degree, but you have seen people who just can’t seem to catch a break. People that are smarter than you, people who had the same opportunities you had and yet they can’t seem to get it together. I don’t see the profound happiness in their lives that I sometimes think mine would have if I could get rid of the “material” stuff. I don’t understand the blessings of this life, I do know that they are not the important thing, and very possibly can be a hindrance to us reaching our full potential in Christ.

I don’t know why that was brought to my mind this morning; probably because I am about to leave the office and go play tennis this morning. I will come back to work and I do work hard, but do I work as hard as the lady who works at the Truck Stop? Nah! I think sometimes I just have got to learn to be grateful for the blessings in my life, and not try to figure out why I am so blessed.

Thank you God! Please help me to live up to the blessings and the gifts you have bestowed upon me. Help me realize with gifts comes responsibility!!

I am sorry not many of you got my “Blues Brothers” reference. Or you just didn’t think it was funny, again if I offended anyone I am sorry. But when the reference was made I was sitting by Terri. Now we didn’t laugh out loud like Thomas (thank you!) said he would have but we did both laugh and hid our faces at the same time! Some of my most meaningful times with God have been laced with humor! I think he wants and expects us to laugh together….

It seems that I am feeling exposed a lot lately. Last night as part of my mother’s birthday gift I did give her a sampling of some of my blog post. I really wasn’t expecting her to read them right then and there. I was telling my kids it was nothing just some things I had written. Diana told me she had read it some at work. Derek said he and his boss had read it!! What!? I knew that David occasionally read since he told me that was how he found out I was car shopping! Sometimes I close my mind to this being public… a “World Wide Web”. I think that just the few people I have met through this medium are the ones that read… Oh well.

I did make a decision not to change the way I write. I cannot sit and think, “Now who is going to read this”, or I will resort to just tell my “dog stories”, not that I don’t have some good ones!

It is strange though, when you feel exposed. When you find out someone knows something that you didn’t think anyone knew. It is strange how everything kind of explodes in your head but then you realize nothing has changed. Life is just the same as it was, but your illusion of being in control is once again revealed as just that, an illusion!

My brothers and sisters at Northside in Illinois are hurting. I have never met any of them. I did meet their friend Skip last year at Zoë, but he has moved to Texas. But their church family is going through a very trying time right now. I knew that this was weighing heavy on my heart. After telling five of them yesterday that I would be praying for them, God made sure that I did. I couldn’t sleep last night. Over and over these friends and the issue that they were facing kept running through my mind. Finally, I told God I no longer knew how to pray to please just let my spirit say the things that needed to be said.

I think the reason this weighs so heavy on me is because I can see how easily it could happen. There were times in the church I grew up in; there have been times in the church I now attend. There have been times when it could have been me, if most of you are honest, there are times when it could have been you! God gives us what we need to bear each cross we are asked to carry. But we must constantly be aware of Satan and that he will use the greatest blessings of God, our love for each other, and use it against us. We can’t just be “strong”. We must hold each other accountable!

I feel a special tie to you folks at Northside. I will continue to lift you up in prayer, but I can see that God is going to work through your love for each other. He will bring the healing that your family needs. I know that you will give him all the glory!

Today is my mother’s birthday. My mom was the youngest of 10 children. Her mother was 44 years old when she was born. Her oldest sister was already married and had a child that was older than my mom. She has one sister who is just a few years older than she is. They have always been very close. Mom has told me about working in the field all day and coming in to help prepare meals. Large families were necessary when you farmed for a living.

I used to be jealous of some of my friends who were best friends with their mother. I used to think that I wanted or needed that kind of relationship with my mother. But I was wrong. My mother was the mother that I needed. I had friends, I had a bunch of cousins, I needed a mother. My mom didn’t put up with my smart mouth. She was very strict with me and while I might have resented it some of the time, it was often a relief to be able to say “my mother won’t let me do that”. She was at home with us before we started school, but the day did not revolve around us kids. She was always sewing, canning, working in the garden or often picking cotton. As we got older our chores grew as well.

My mom taught me about taking care of family. She taught me about standing by your husband in good times and bad. She taught me about teaching kids responsibility. She is a strong independent woman. She has always put her family first, right behind her God. I have never wanted her to be disappointed in me. Maybe sometimes she wonders how I got to be so head-strong and independent. She needs only to look in the mirror.

Thanks mom. I hope you look at your three children and know that we have all developed a love for the Lord. That example came from you. I love you.

If your minister said that Jesus came saying

"I am on a mission from God",

would you snicker?

It is very humbling to be a sports fan. The Braves lost again. Saturdays game was great though! Smoltz pitched a complete game and Brian McCann got his first major league home-run. This was the first game I had seen them win in awhile. Today they lost again. I want the Braves to win but I will be a fan regardless.

The #8 team is not performing too well this year. They are not going to make the chase for the cup! There are many problems with the team, mostly I don't think they have gelled as a "team" yet. I don't know the answer to this problem either. I will be a Jr. fan regardless, although my loyalty here does not run as deep as it does with the Braves! If Carl Edwards of the #99 team would switch to a Chevrolet I would be a fan! He is good, he is enthusiastic, he can do a back flip after driving for 500 miles! Awesome!

I have high hopes for the Crimson Tide. They have struggled for the last several years. I hope that this will be the year that Mike Shula can pull the team together. He has had time now to develop and communicate his coaching style and methods. I HATE losing to Auburn! I don't want to be that humble anymore.

For all my frustrations with sports, I find that I don't get as upset or irritated as I used to. I have finally realized how unimportant all of this is in the grand scheme of things. When it comes to the game of life I win sometimes and I lose sometimes. It sure is a painful way to develop humility.

It is great to know that I have a fan who will not give up on me. No matter how many games I blow or walls I hit, Jesus will be in my cheering section. That is truly humbling.

The puppy that wondered up in my yard last week belonged to my neighbor. He had left a message on our phone and I took him home Thursday when we found out where he belonged. When I got home from work/eating out last night he was in Hooch's dog house. It was raining. I just let him stay there. This morning I went down to check and see if he was still there. He was gone, I assumed he had gone home. I decided to check the fish pond before I went back upstairs. I have enjoyed watching them more since we have four baby fish. It was still raining so I was going to just look from under the awning. Something was in the pond....Oh no! The little puppy had fallen in and drowned! It broke my heart. We knew we would have to tell the neighbor what had happened (read DAVID would have to tell him). We left for a while and had just got back home when we saw him drive up with a new dog pen on the back of the truck! "Stake, right through the heart". Well David took the puppy home and broke the news. The neighbor said the puppy did come home last night, that at least relieved my guilt.

I am sitting here amazed at how badly this upsets me. Dogs are capable of unconditional love. Maybe that is why we get so attached to them. They do not have unconditional trust. Shelby the big black dog will not go near my son on the boat dock since he threw in the water two years ago. She loves him, but I don't think she trust him anymore, at least not around water.

Dogs are not people. People lose their lives and lose our trust daily. THIS should really upset me!

I found myself recently listening to a speaker and analyzing and disagreeing with what he was saying. He was interpreting something abstract into a “certainty” and I just disagreed. I started listing all the scripture that had to do with the topic to prove my point. I still think I was right, but in the grand scheme of things it didn’t really matter. I was patting myself on the back a little for daring to question, for taking the time to research and justify why I disagreed. I did not hold any disrespect for this man as I disagreed with him. I valued his words and that his opinion on the subject was different.

I told you that only to tell you how much of a hypocrite I am. I realize that I want everyone to agree with me. I have always been such a people pleaser; I get my feelings hurt if you don’t agree with me or if you take issue with something I say. Your opinions are open to my analysis and counter-points, but you really should just agree with me! In the past I would keep my opinions to myself to keep myself from being opened up to rejection. Well putting all of this down in black and white helps me to realize that is a bunch of “hog-wash”.

Before I can enter into dialogue to try and make people see things my way, I must be open to the way they see things. I must embrace the fact that people do differ with me and be motivated to grow as a result. I may use this blog to achieve that goal from time to time. I may comment to others as a way of feeling and stretching my own beliefs. I am openly welcoming you to post opposing comments when you disagree with me. I don’t want you to be rude or belittling, but let’s have open, honest dialogue.

This post is not a reaction to anything posted on this blog. I just realized that I have much work to do in this area. If I am going to put my thoughts out there (or here as the case may be), I will be disagreed with. All I am saying is GOOD, I can handle it!

I certainly didn’t mean to stir things up with my use of the word “crap” yesterday, but I know that at times that must at least describe what God thinks about the activities in my life that need his continued grace. I truly hope you were not offended. If so I ask your forgiveness and hope you will grant me grace as well.

This morning I look out the window to see that my dogs have a visitor. It is the cutest little puppy, you know the kind that grow up to be big ole’ ugly dogs. My little dog was playing with the puppy, running, chasing, nipping, they were having a good time. All was well until the puppy came near a rawhide bone (that was stolen out of someone else’s yard, I might add) and my big dog Shelby, decided she had had enough of this little upstart. She trotted over and must have growled a little because now the puppy was trying to find a way to get under the fence. Eventually he found the end of the fence and proceeded to return home (I hope). My dogs went back about their business and just to show they were in charge the little dog ran down to the boat dock and barked at some fisherman who were too close for his comfort. Silly dogs.

I couldn’t help but wonder if we are sometimes like a territorial dog in our assemblies. Everything is fine when visitors and new comers arrive. We have a good time welcoming them and showing them around….UNTIL, they dare to upset our tradition, or get our pew, or try to take over our ministry. Perhaps we send people with their tail tucked just trying to find a way out. Then we can get back to administering some useless rules (like get away from my dock) and wonder why we are not growing.

I am sure this does not describe us, but it has been us sometimes, hasn’t it? We can’t wag our tails in welcome and then turn around and “growl” at people and expect them to feel welcome, let alone see Christ living in us.

.... God

.... Removes

.... All

my Crap

for Ever

June is a month filled with birthdays for me. My Mom and both of my brothers have June birthdays. I mentioned my son-in-law’s birthday was Saturday. My x-sister in law, my cousin Debra, and somebody else has birthdays this month….oh yeah today is TERRI’s birthday. Ya’ll drop by her blog and wish her a happy one, she LOVES the attention!

In the growing up years, the only good thing about my November birthday was that I was older than most of my classmates. Even this was bittersweet. I had two cousins with September birthdays who were a year ahead of me in school; for being a measly 60 days older! That was awful! Then there were the birthday gifts. My brothers seemed to always get better presents. My dad worked in construction so the paychecks were always better in the summer and of course I always got the “Christmas is just around the corner” spill. Oh I am not complaining (at least not too much) I was not neglected by any stretch of the imagination. But one example of the disparity of gifts; both of my brothers got brand new red bicycles for their birthdays, not the same year of course there was around 6 years difference in their ages. I got a blue/rust one that cost $10.00. Rust was not the color, but the condition. My dad later painted it orange, not the rust, the blue. Oh well, I logged many a mile on that one-speed $10.00 bicycle. I don’t think I even realized that I got the used one until I was much older. After all I was mostly interested in transportation and it got me where I wanted to go. Don't worry I am not too warped by being the middle child, only girl, November birthday girl. I was always the smartest....HAH!

So I will celebrate with all of you June “babies”; I am grateful for each one of you in my life. Perhaps we should take one day a month and pay special tribute to all of our friends and loved ones born in the month. Happy Birthday June bugs!!

Today I saw God

The sun in its glorious end of the day color, partially obscured by a cloud as it began its evening descent, still sent its beauty across the water where it was reflected again and again in the ripples of the lake. How can you see a sunset and not see God?

Today I could smell God

The overwhelming nostalgic smell of fresh cut grass as it bakes in the sunshine. A smell that brings back memories of youth and a smell that re-assures us that God is in control of the seasons.

Today I could hear God

The birds don’t wait until I am fully awake to start their singing. They extol the name of the creator who promised that he would care for us much more than the birds. They awake with songs of praise, should I not be doing the same?

Today I could taste God

Is there any taste as sweet, as indescribable as the taste of a child’s kiss? Tickling, teasing and just kissing their heads and hands because here in this precious child you truly taste the sweetness of God.

Today I could feel God

I feel the hot sun beating down on my shoulders and arms heating my body to the point that it begins to sweat. The moisture of my sweat captures the breeze that flows in the air and cools me off. How can I experience the marvel of my body’s response to the weather and not feel God?

Today I could feel God

I heard a new song that spoke of my unworthiness in light of the goodness of God. It spoke of my struggle to do the right thing but confessed that I fall short. My heart swelled as I heard the words that my spirit wanted to sing to God. My tears scalded my cheeks as my heart swelled with the knowledge that I am covered by his grace and he loves me so much that NOTHING can separate me from that love.

Last night we celebrated my son-in-laws birthday. The seven of us went to the local seafood restaurant where my cousin is working as a waitress during her summer break from college. I am afraid we ran her legs off, but we had a great time, and I tried to make it worth her while. Matthew is so good in places like that. Sure he makes a little mess, but he overall is very well behaved. They all came on to the house after dinner. May I say he is no longer taking a few steps, he walks everywhere he wants to go, and he has now learned to open my back door to call the "pup-pup". (my dogs)

Joy, peace, contentment. My feelings when I spend the evening with my family. Sure their is some sarcasm, fussing and jealousy going on in the room, but we are family and we are together, what do you expect?

Must go play tennis now! Have a great weekend all!!

Rhythm- this is the word on my mind this morning; according to Dictionary.com the 7th definition is -Procedure or routine characterized by regularly recurring elements, activities, or factors:

I define myself as being a “change agent”. After yesterday’s post that may mean it is a negative quality. My last boss considered it a negative thing. He liked that I would think outside of the box, but often accused me of wanting change just for the sake of change. Now this is the same man who will not allow his office staff to sit at the same desk for more than 6 months without changing someone around…. But wait, this is about me!

This morning I realize that I don’t like change, just for the sake of change. There are certain activities, elements and factors that I would like to stay roughly the same. When something ain’t broke, don’t fix it! I also realize that I am in big trouble! My attitude, my growth, my sanity is about to be challenged!

You see, all I had to deal with this morning was a new “spin” instructor. Thus, my thoughts on rhythm, she needed some! I kept thinking during class “give her a chance”, but the thought would be quickly followed up by “I could tell her how to do this better!”

Last night we were watching a documentary on the Eagles. They made the statement that they knew their audience and had no problem playing the music that they had paid to hear! If you know what people want, why don’t you try and give it to them? I know that no two people are going to be exactly the same and they should not try to be, but when you observe what is working why can’t you get a clue?

Wait Donna, this is hardly the crisis that you lead us to believe you were about to encounter. No. But we are about to start looking for a new pulpit minister. I have got to adjust my attitude and my expectations before this process begins. I cannot place unrealistic expectations on every person that comes to try out. Oh, it won’t affect them any, it will just drive me nuts! I truly believe that God is going to use this change in our church to stimulate us to new levels of spiritual growth. I must continue to look forward to that and not worry about the “instructors” who will come and go with their different methods. God will find the man for us if we can truly put our faith in him.

I just pray that my tolerance level will be greater for these servants of God than it was today for my struggling “spin” instructor!

What are your spiritual gifts? What natural talents and abilities do you have?

Do you find this to be a hard question to answer about yourself? I do. I know a few things that I do well, but it is hard for me to admit it out loud. I read somewhere this week (I think in The Purpose Driven Life) that we define ourselves by our weaknesses.

• “Oh, you know me, I just fly off the handle, it don’t mean anything”.
• “I am so impatient”.
• “I just like to eat, a lot”,
• “I am really not very smart”,
• “I am just not organized”
• “I am always late, there is no hope for me”

You get the picture, and admit it, it is a lot easier for you to tell me these things about yourself than what you are good at…..right?

I think to reach the potential that God has in mind for us we have got to change our mind set. I have got to embrace my strengths and realize they are a gift from God to be used in service to him. To belittle and excuse myself is to demean a wonderful creation of God.

So, I am on a quest. I am trying to discover the things that I am particularly good at; things that I can use in service to God. But I must be careful, I don’t think I can list my ability to work an Excel spreadsheet, the speed of my serve (compared to other “old” ladies) or my ability to sprint in “spin class”. I must realize that some things I do just for me. But at the same time, the things that are enjoyable to me probably do give me some insight to what my strengths are. You know we all prefer to do the things that we are good at.

As part of my quest, I am looking for service opportunities that I can challenge our ladies group with. I am short on ideals. Many of you are involved in ministries that are working well where you are. Would you mind sharing with me? What is working for you?

First Mistake: I drank Diet Mt. Dew last night. I failed to realize that it was not caffeine free. I drank a lot!

Second Mistake: In the four days I have watched four episodes of Star Wars.

• Saturday: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith
• Sunday: Episode IV-A New Hope
• Monday: Episode V-The Empire Strikes Back
• Tuesday: Episode VI- Return of the Jedi

Third Mistake: I checked my blogs before going to bed.

So, I woke up at 12:11 a.m. to sleep no more. I was formulating a “blog-force”. (Now that would be a cool name for a blog!). I am not sure what the purpose or power of such force would be, but hey it’s the middle of the night, I don’t have to make sense.

I then began thinking of all the life lessons you could glean from the Star Wars Series. Around midnight the one that triumphed in my sleep depraved, caffeine hopped up mind was that outward appearance is never a true measure of a person’s worth or their strength. While I am not sure they would be classified as “people” the two characters that remained steadfast and true through all six episodes were Yoda and R2D2. They were not the biggest, best looking or the best communicators yet without both of them good would not have prevailed over evil. They worked with what they had to advance the Alliance.

Fourth Mistake: I somehow thought all of this would translate into an interesting blog post….