Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Friends or Foes
For the better part of my childhood I had one best friend. I had lots of other “good” friends but this one was a soul mate of sorts. She and I were the tomboys. We played football and basketball. We would go on hikes and go swimming and fishing. She was the one who handed me my first cigarette (was close to my last, didn’t care for the whole smoking thing, thank goodness). We slipped out of the house at night together; covered for each other when we were dating and not supposed to be. We were close to inseparable for a long time. When I met David I started spending all of my free time with him. I would talk to him on the phone for an hour at a time and my friendship suffered from lack of attention. We remained friends, but it was obvious I was not going to give her the kind of time that I once did.
About 10 years ago we hooked up again. It was good for me. I was going through some things that I needed someone I could talk to. I always trusted her to keep my secrets, we just knew too much on each other. I loved having my friend back in my life. We again would have long phone conversations and laugh and talk. Then the trouble came. I don’t guess it matters what happened, just suffice it to say, trust was broken. Sides were chosen, feelings were hurt and an un-repairable rift occurred. Every time I teach or hear a lesson on forgiveness I think of her. I have tried to forgive and forget. I think I have forgiven, I even wrote her a long letter telling her how I felt and that I did forgive her. It came back in the mail. If I have forgiven, why can’t I forget? Is it just the longing for that friendship that is no more?
Today is her birthday. Who knows how the activity in cyber-space may affect things. I hope that wherever she is, whatever she is doing she knows that I have forgiven her. I hope she knows that if she needs me I will still be around.
About 10 years ago we hooked up again. It was good for me. I was going through some things that I needed someone I could talk to. I always trusted her to keep my secrets, we just knew too much on each other. I loved having my friend back in my life. We again would have long phone conversations and laugh and talk. Then the trouble came. I don’t guess it matters what happened, just suffice it to say, trust was broken. Sides were chosen, feelings were hurt and an un-repairable rift occurred. Every time I teach or hear a lesson on forgiveness I think of her. I have tried to forgive and forget. I think I have forgiven, I even wrote her a long letter telling her how I felt and that I did forgive her. It came back in the mail. If I have forgiven, why can’t I forget? Is it just the longing for that friendship that is no more?
Today is her birthday. Who knows how the activity in cyber-space may affect things. I hope that wherever she is, whatever she is doing she knows that I have forgiven her. I hope she knows that if she needs me I will still be around.
