Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Ups and Downs
I have the crazy ideal of putting together some of my blog post for my Mom as her Mother’s Day gift. She does not own a computer and therefore has not read anything I have written. Some of it I would not want her to read but she might be amused (and do I secretly hope impressed) by some of my writing. My brother told her I was writing some stuff and she did ask me about it. What do you think? Would that be a lame gift? Maybe I could write some poem or letter to her as well… I don’t know it was just a thought.
I know that everything in life is cyclical and we can never stay “up” or “down” all of the time but it frustrates me so badly when I feel myself falling into a “down” time. No, I am not depressed or even in one of my famous funks I just feel myself drifting from closeness with God. My prayers become perfunctory and my study just sits still for awhile. I can’t explain what causes me to drift into these modes. It seems like these episodes usually come on the heels of some success or particularly busy time. Perhaps it is the natural let down experienced after such times. I am sharing my class teaching duties this quarter with two other ladies. I welcome the relief but at the same time wonder if this makes me be a little lazy. I will be honest in telling you part of the reason I teach on Wednesday nights is where I will come. I can find a million reasons not to if I am not responsible for something. But I am always blessed and refilled when I do come. Am I normal? I just wonder; do any of you struggle with these issues? Maybe I am just weird!!
***I wrote the preceding paragraph before I left the office last night. I prayed to God about the distance I was feeling and asked Him to help me find my way. Last night I was looking at a couple of blogs that I don’t read very often and found God speaking to me there. I pasted the link in an e-mail where I could review this morning only to find that he had posted again. This morning his post was speaking directly to what I was feeling. And he made it not only sound normal but a regular part of our spiritual rhythm of life. I know that God can use anything He wants to as a way to speak to me, but I am continually amazed by the blessings that have come into my life by blogging. I would still like to know if you go through the ups and downs, but praise God, I think I understand mine now!****
I know that everything in life is cyclical and we can never stay “up” or “down” all of the time but it frustrates me so badly when I feel myself falling into a “down” time. No, I am not depressed or even in one of my famous funks I just feel myself drifting from closeness with God. My prayers become perfunctory and my study just sits still for awhile. I can’t explain what causes me to drift into these modes. It seems like these episodes usually come on the heels of some success or particularly busy time. Perhaps it is the natural let down experienced after such times. I am sharing my class teaching duties this quarter with two other ladies. I welcome the relief but at the same time wonder if this makes me be a little lazy. I will be honest in telling you part of the reason I teach on Wednesday nights is where I will come. I can find a million reasons not to if I am not responsible for something. But I am always blessed and refilled when I do come. Am I normal? I just wonder; do any of you struggle with these issues? Maybe I am just weird!!
***I wrote the preceding paragraph before I left the office last night. I prayed to God about the distance I was feeling and asked Him to help me find my way. Last night I was looking at a couple of blogs that I don’t read very often and found God speaking to me there. I pasted the link in an e-mail where I could review this morning only to find that he had posted again. This morning his post was speaking directly to what I was feeling. And he made it not only sound normal but a regular part of our spiritual rhythm of life. I know that God can use anything He wants to as a way to speak to me, but I am continually amazed by the blessings that have come into my life by blogging. I would still like to know if you go through the ups and downs, but praise God, I think I understand mine now!****
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Thanks for the link ... interesting posts for sure. I think your mom would be double-blessed to receive some of your writings.
I also, at times, feel myself tumbling down into a kind of inner darkness. During those times I regard whatever good I can see in my life with a very cynical view. I believe that in some way these times are brought on by the enemy, but I also believe that God uses them to call to us ... and I usually follow a time like this with a particularly intense time of caling out to Abba. He reaches me every time.
As for going to church ... when we don't feel like it ... I understand that (and preachers don't confess that often!).
If you're weird, then I'm weird too! Maybe it's everyone else that's weird? lol
I also, at times, feel myself tumbling down into a kind of inner darkness. During those times I regard whatever good I can see in my life with a very cynical view. I believe that in some way these times are brought on by the enemy, but I also believe that God uses them to call to us ... and I usually follow a time like this with a particularly intense time of caling out to Abba. He reaches me every time.
As for going to church ... when we don't feel like it ... I understand that (and preachers don't confess that often!).
If you're weird, then I'm weird too! Maybe it's everyone else that's weird? lol
I usually am pretty up (if you haven't noticed!), but I do have times I call "funk". I really think my "funk" times are important--I generally learn a lot then--but I can't say I really enjoy them. So, if you are wierd, I am wierder!
Yes, I think you should figure a way to give your mom some of your writing. My mom does read my blog and I have to say it is one of the unexpected blessings I recieve from it. And yes, I probably friek her some of the time, but she has never said anything! JB
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Yes, I think you should figure a way to give your mom some of your writing. My mom does read my blog and I have to say it is one of the unexpected blessings I recieve from it. And yes, I probably friek her some of the time, but she has never said anything! JB
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