Thursday, April 14, 2005
Dress Dilemma
I have a dilemma. One of my friends brought me one of her dresses to take on my cruise. (did I mention I am leaving Saturday?…Yeah, I thought I did.) It is a party dress. It comes about eight inches above my knee and is very, VERY form fitting! I look good in it if I do say so myself! I tried it on for my husband last night and he REALLY liked it, but his first response was that I COULD NOT take that dress on my cruise with Terri. It would be fine for me to wear when I was with him. He then asked me why I would want to wear it. I told him I had worked hard to lose weight and get in shape and didn’t see a problem with showing it off a little. Truly folks, I am going on a cruise. I WILL be wearing a swim suit and shorts all week! What is the big deal about this dress? He later relented and said that I should take it. He knew that I had worked hard and got up early every morning to work out, I should be able to show it off.
My dilemma is not whether to wear the dress or not on this cruise, but should I want to dress in anyway to draw attention to myself. I know that if we are honest we all do it from time to time. When does it become wrong? When am I being a stumbling block to someone else? He told me that I didn’t understand men. I told him that there would not be any men on this cruise by themselves (guys just don’t do that) and even if there was I was a big girl and could take care of myself! I am flattered that he thinks others might find me attractive in this dress; but I worry about what message I am sending if he thinks I am dressing inappropriately. Is there a difference in what we wear to dinner and what we wear around the pool? Is it o.k. to dress differently according to our surroundings? I just wonder if you have any thoughts on the matter.
My dilemma is not whether to wear the dress or not on this cruise, but should I want to dress in anyway to draw attention to myself. I know that if we are honest we all do it from time to time. When does it become wrong? When am I being a stumbling block to someone else? He told me that I didn’t understand men. I told him that there would not be any men on this cruise by themselves (guys just don’t do that) and even if there was I was a big girl and could take care of myself! I am flattered that he thinks others might find me attractive in this dress; but I worry about what message I am sending if he thinks I am dressing inappropriately. Is there a difference in what we wear to dinner and what we wear around the pool? Is it o.k. to dress differently according to our surroundings? I just wonder if you have any thoughts on the matter.
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If I were your husband, I would feel the same way he does....for whatever that is worth. That doesn't mean it is right, I am just telling you how I would feel.
At the same time, if he has communicated that he is fine with you taking it and wearing it, then go for it! Just make sure the other men know you are dancing with the one who "brung" ya! :)
Have a GREAT cruise!
DU
At the same time, if he has communicated that he is fine with you taking it and wearing it, then go for it! Just make sure the other men know you are dancing with the one who "brung" ya! :)
Have a GREAT cruise!
DU
I think my husband would feel the same way. I guess the question is who do you dress for...your husband? I think that you should wear whatever makes you feel the best about yourself. If other guys look and get the wrong idea they'll just be waisting their time. they could easily get the wrong idea from wearing a tennis skirt to the grocery store. You know yourself. You know that this is a fun girl cruise not a romantic thing...but hey if your husband liked the dress that much don't be surprised to find cruise tickets waiting for you when you get home...and this time not for you and Terri! :)
I'm about to say something that isn't going to make much sense, but here it goes. I think a woman in a hot dress is more dangerous than a man with a gun.
The way men and women use (whether by intention or by accident) power is very, very different. It is often said of men that they do not know their own strength. It could equally be said of women, but not of their brute strength, but rather their sexual strength.
I'm not saying don't wear the dress, but I am saying that you could be setting yourself up to do some accidental damage to a man.
Also, when a man marries, all other women do not become ugly to him.
Now about the difference between a hot dress and a swim suit. It's not so much how much is shown off, but how it's shown off. Men's imaginations run wild. It's a great gift and horrifc curse. I should know; it is my own affliciton. The dress might cover more than the swimsuit, but that is not the point. I am sure the dress is more enticing than the swimsuit. Give a man enough to tease him, but leave just enough for his imagination to do the rest. Your husband knows the mind of men; he is one. That is why he likely objects more to the dress than the swimsuit. This is the place where men are not logical, so don't try to argue logic here. It is as it is and there is nothing that can be done about it.
Further, I believe God made it this way intentionally. It's a great power released to humans. We must be wise as serpants and innocent as doves when it comes to this power God's given us.
No matter what you choose, I really hope you have a wonderful trip. Great work on losing the weight.
The way men and women use (whether by intention or by accident) power is very, very different. It is often said of men that they do not know their own strength. It could equally be said of women, but not of their brute strength, but rather their sexual strength.
I'm not saying don't wear the dress, but I am saying that you could be setting yourself up to do some accidental damage to a man.
Also, when a man marries, all other women do not become ugly to him.
Now about the difference between a hot dress and a swim suit. It's not so much how much is shown off, but how it's shown off. Men's imaginations run wild. It's a great gift and horrifc curse. I should know; it is my own affliciton. The dress might cover more than the swimsuit, but that is not the point. I am sure the dress is more enticing than the swimsuit. Give a man enough to tease him, but leave just enough for his imagination to do the rest. Your husband knows the mind of men; he is one. That is why he likely objects more to the dress than the swimsuit. This is the place where men are not logical, so don't try to argue logic here. It is as it is and there is nothing that can be done about it.
Further, I believe God made it this way intentionally. It's a great power released to humans. We must be wise as serpants and innocent as doves when it comes to this power God's given us.
No matter what you choose, I really hope you have a wonderful trip. Great work on losing the weight.
Thanks for your comments... I guess especially Fajita for being honest.
FYI- I have decided to act like I am packing the dress to carry then I am going to hide it somewhere in the house with a sweet note where he will find it when I am gone! I want hime to KNOW that he has nothing to worry about when I am away! Keep it quiet though....
FYI- I have decided to act like I am packing the dress to carry then I am going to hide it somewhere in the house with a sweet note where he will find it when I am gone! I want hime to KNOW that he has nothing to worry about when I am away! Keep it quiet though....
Way to go Donna...on your decision! A good friend told me once "when in doubt...don't!" I guess if you have to ask then there must be a doubt in your mind. Honey, I am all for flaunting it if you got it, but you can flaunt it without really "flaunting it" if you know what I mean. Of course these days I don't have to worry about that!!
I didn't weigh in on the dress because I thought it was your decision. I think you turned a dilemma into a dream for your husband. He will be so blessed by your thoughtful response. I'm impressed. You're a godly woman, and a wise wife.
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