Thursday, April 28, 2005
I'm Forgiven
Last night our class was great. Not because I was leading the discussion, no it wasn’t anything to do with me. Forgiveness is one of those areas of life that everyone has some experience with, everyone has been hurt. However there are depths to being hurt that I have not experienced, some of our ladies have. They opened up and shared. We even had a small conflict going on in the room between two of the ladies that they resolved with tears, hugs and applause from the rest of us. Some spoke of how they had moved from hoping that the person they had to forgive would die a “slow painful death” to actually wishing the person well. I went into the class thinking that since I was teaching this lesson AGAIN that it must have been a message God was trying to teach me. I left the class realizing He had used me to let some people face their hurts and share them with the rest of us. I need the lesson over and over that “It IS NOT about ME!”
One thing I was able to take from the class and apply to myself is that forgiveness is not excusing, it is not forgetting and it is not reconciling. You can forgive someone and never forget the hurt. That is healthy. We must not forget the things that bring us great pain less we repeat the process over and over. Just as a child burns his hand when he touches a hot stove; the burn will heal, but the memory of that pain will keep him away from the stove in the future. I can also forgive someone and never reconcile with them. If you question whether or not you have forgiven someone ask yourself how you feel daily. Do you dwell on them and the hurt they brought you? Do you feel bitter and angry when you hear their name? If you remember the hurt when their name is brought up, that is normal. That does not mean that you have not forgiven them. If on the other hand you have deep bitter thoughts and can think nothing good about that person, perhaps you should examine yourself a little more closely.
The most important thing I took from this study was that while the grace and forgiveness of God is freely given it is not given unconditionally. Forgiveness is not an option if we want to be right in the sight of God. In our model prayer Jesus gives us, we are to pray to be “forgiven, as we forgive others”. That brings it home. My forgiveness depends on how willing I am to forgive someone else. After all what has anyone ever done to me that is as bad as the way I sometimes treat my God.
One thing I was able to take from the class and apply to myself is that forgiveness is not excusing, it is not forgetting and it is not reconciling. You can forgive someone and never forget the hurt. That is healthy. We must not forget the things that bring us great pain less we repeat the process over and over. Just as a child burns his hand when he touches a hot stove; the burn will heal, but the memory of that pain will keep him away from the stove in the future. I can also forgive someone and never reconcile with them. If you question whether or not you have forgiven someone ask yourself how you feel daily. Do you dwell on them and the hurt they brought you? Do you feel bitter and angry when you hear their name? If you remember the hurt when their name is brought up, that is normal. That does not mean that you have not forgiven them. If on the other hand you have deep bitter thoughts and can think nothing good about that person, perhaps you should examine yourself a little more closely.
The most important thing I took from this study was that while the grace and forgiveness of God is freely given it is not given unconditionally. Forgiveness is not an option if we want to be right in the sight of God. In our model prayer Jesus gives us, we are to pray to be “forgiven, as we forgive others”. That brings it home. My forgiveness depends on how willing I am to forgive someone else. After all what has anyone ever done to me that is as bad as the way I sometimes treat my God.
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This rings so true! In my life there have been numerous instances where "forgiveness" meant that I could think of a certain person and only see sweet revenge. We are all human, but in our life as we grow and mature, esp. as children of God, it becomes easier to see how petty and UN-Chirst-like that sort of behavior is.
From studies, I have learned that the more one is able to forgive and move on, the more fulfilled and "differentiated" one becomes. It doesn't mean forgetting what happened, but learning more about yourself in that particular situation, using your thinking brain instead of your emotions and saying, it's not about me, it's about their reaction to this situation.
And that, my friends, is your marriage and family therapy lesson for the day! Free of charge and on summer break ~ Great stuff, Donna!
From studies, I have learned that the more one is able to forgive and move on, the more fulfilled and "differentiated" one becomes. It doesn't mean forgetting what happened, but learning more about yourself in that particular situation, using your thinking brain instead of your emotions and saying, it's not about me, it's about their reaction to this situation.
And that, my friends, is your marriage and family therapy lesson for the day! Free of charge and on summer break ~ Great stuff, Donna!
"I can also forgive someone and never reconcile with them."
But isn't reconciliation what Christianity is all about? I know it will not happen all of the time, but it should be a goal.
Forgiveness is easy compared to reconciliation, but I'm glad God went for reconcilition with us, not just forgiveness.
Joe
But isn't reconciliation what Christianity is all about? I know it will not happen all of the time, but it should be a goal.
Forgiveness is easy compared to reconciliation, but I'm glad God went for reconcilition with us, not just forgiveness.
Joe
Donna, there are some people who hurt me badly four years ago ... and while I do not dwell on them daily I do think about them from time to time. I try to pray for God to heal the open wounds. I have watched those same people wound other friends of mine, costing them thousands of dollars while selfishly having their own way. It is easy for me to feel justified in my attitude toward them ... but I try to remember pray that God will have much grace upon them because I need to be baptized in his grace daily. Thank you for your reminder and post.
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