Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Should I stumble, Should I fall
So, can I cause you to stumble? Are my words important enough to you that if I said something you did not agree with it would throw you for a loop? I really don’t think so. On the other hand, I have had some people who were very important to me; get very upset when I offered a different view point on the way we “do” church or some other aspect of the Sunday service. I have been called negative and argumentative by a close friend. When this happens, when you are hurt, it does affect the way you share.
I read the blogs of many people who will talk about things with a great deal of passion that I either don’t care about or totally disagree with. It does not affect the way I think or the way I feel about them {most of the time}. There are some posts that stay with me for a while. I chew on what you say and it causes me to examine myself and the way I think about something. But really, does it change my mind or even mess up my mind? No. I do realize however that we are not all on the same page or the same place in our walk. Sometimes I could make a statement that would not make sense to you if you were either way ahead of or way behind me on my spiritual journey. And perhaps this is not the best forum for just tossing something out there before I have thought it through. You know, one of my favorite teaching tools is playing the “devil’s advocate”. I love to throw out an ideal that is contrary to the “normal” way of thinking just to get some conversation started. I do try to keep from doing this here. If for no other reason than it may be the “one” day that you read what I write, and you never come back to realize that I was trying to make a point.
So what it is I was talking about yesterday. I think the real issue is I am afraid. I am afraid you will not like me if you know what I really think. I am afraid you will judge me if I tell you too much about my struggles, my journey. Perhaps being criticized once by someone who supposedly cared for me was enough to make me “gun-shy” forever. I don’t worry so much about those of you who know me only through what I write (although an argument could be made that you know me better than personal friends who do not read what I write..) I think that you are like me, just enjoying sharing someone else’s faith journey and relating to the individual struggles and successes we each have.
As for tempering what I say based on the circumstances of my readers as Elizabeth said, I don’t think I should do that (nor should you Elizabeth). It is important to have gratitude in our lives and to be able to count our blessings. Tough times will come; it is good to share those as well. I think the danger comes when we paint our world to be something that it is not. No one is completely joyful all of the time and no one has circumstances that are totally bereft of joy.
As for writing of things that would cause someone real spiritual harm as Dee talked about in her comment, I don't know if I truly am capable of doing that. I understand the burden that Dee feels and I know that her faith walk has led her much further than mine has. It is not that I am so "spiritual" in my thinking, just that I can't think of anything I would say in truth that would influence another in such a way. Perhaps that is a testimony of my shallowness.
And the bottom line is, I do this for me. None of you are going to go back and read what I wrote last May, no matter how clever and witty I thought I was at the time. However, I do go back and read. I think someday my children and maybe even my grandchildren will enjoy reading what I have written. So, no more excuses. I will just tell you where I am and what I am thinking {sure I will} and not worry about causing you to stumble. Because it appears that the only one I put a road-block in front of, is myself.
Hey thanks Rick!
I read the blogs of many people who will talk about things with a great deal of passion that I either don’t care about or totally disagree with. It does not affect the way I think or the way I feel about them {most of the time}. There are some posts that stay with me for a while. I chew on what you say and it causes me to examine myself and the way I think about something. But really, does it change my mind or even mess up my mind? No. I do realize however that we are not all on the same page or the same place in our walk. Sometimes I could make a statement that would not make sense to you if you were either way ahead of or way behind me on my spiritual journey. And perhaps this is not the best forum for just tossing something out there before I have thought it through. You know, one of my favorite teaching tools is playing the “devil’s advocate”. I love to throw out an ideal that is contrary to the “normal” way of thinking just to get some conversation started. I do try to keep from doing this here. If for no other reason than it may be the “one” day that you read what I write, and you never come back to realize that I was trying to make a point.
So what it is I was talking about yesterday. I think the real issue is I am afraid. I am afraid you will not like me if you know what I really think. I am afraid you will judge me if I tell you too much about my struggles, my journey. Perhaps being criticized once by someone who supposedly cared for me was enough to make me “gun-shy” forever. I don’t worry so much about those of you who know me only through what I write (although an argument could be made that you know me better than personal friends who do not read what I write..) I think that you are like me, just enjoying sharing someone else’s faith journey and relating to the individual struggles and successes we each have.
As for tempering what I say based on the circumstances of my readers as Elizabeth said, I don’t think I should do that (nor should you Elizabeth). It is important to have gratitude in our lives and to be able to count our blessings. Tough times will come; it is good to share those as well. I think the danger comes when we paint our world to be something that it is not. No one is completely joyful all of the time and no one has circumstances that are totally bereft of joy.
As for writing of things that would cause someone real spiritual harm as Dee talked about in her comment, I don't know if I truly am capable of doing that. I understand the burden that Dee feels and I know that her faith walk has led her much further than mine has. It is not that I am so "spiritual" in my thinking, just that I can't think of anything I would say in truth that would influence another in such a way. Perhaps that is a testimony of my shallowness.
And the bottom line is, I do this for me. None of you are going to go back and read what I wrote last May, no matter how clever and witty I thought I was at the time. However, I do go back and read. I think someday my children and maybe even my grandchildren will enjoy reading what I have written. So, no more excuses. I will just tell you where I am and what I am thinking {sure I will} and not worry about causing you to stumble. Because it appears that the only one I put a road-block in front of, is myself.
Hey thanks Rick!
Comments:
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Blogs are a curious thing. They provide a venue for self-exposure without the risk of face to face conversation. If someone five states away doesn't like what you write, who cares?
I think the challenge comes with the people with whom there is a relationship growing or deepening. I think of younger people who do give you the time of day.
Gripers and complainers are irrelevant, but I think of someone who is insecure in their faith and sees you doing something and that person did it becuase of you and they "knew" it was wrong. There is where you or anyone might have some vulnerability.
To say you don't have the ability to influence anyone, or that your words are not that powerful might be your expression of humility (I take it as such) - but I think it might be a touch naive to think so. When I feel like I have no power in your life makes me a potentially dangerous person because then I can do anything I want with the belief that it will ahve no consequence. To go to an extreme, I see this in therapy all the time. The more powerless a person feels the more damage that person can do. All powerlessness needs is a little desperation in order to erupt into catastrophe. And when it does, the "powerless" person says, "what? I didn't do that." The comment comes not because they didn't do it, but because they thought they couldn't have possibly done it.
I don't know how often this really ever happens in blogdom or in relationships. When the people who use scripture as a way to control and drop the "don't cause someone to stumble" bomb, they are usually people with a pretty strong faiths, but differeing opinions.
In short, being aware of your influence and utilizing it judiciously is the better way.
I think the challenge comes with the people with whom there is a relationship growing or deepening. I think of younger people who do give you the time of day.
Gripers and complainers are irrelevant, but I think of someone who is insecure in their faith and sees you doing something and that person did it becuase of you and they "knew" it was wrong. There is where you or anyone might have some vulnerability.
To say you don't have the ability to influence anyone, or that your words are not that powerful might be your expression of humility (I take it as such) - but I think it might be a touch naive to think so. When I feel like I have no power in your life makes me a potentially dangerous person because then I can do anything I want with the belief that it will ahve no consequence. To go to an extreme, I see this in therapy all the time. The more powerless a person feels the more damage that person can do. All powerlessness needs is a little desperation in order to erupt into catastrophe. And when it does, the "powerless" person says, "what? I didn't do that." The comment comes not because they didn't do it, but because they thought they couldn't have possibly done it.
I don't know how often this really ever happens in blogdom or in relationships. When the people who use scripture as a way to control and drop the "don't cause someone to stumble" bomb, they are usually people with a pretty strong faiths, but differeing opinions.
In short, being aware of your influence and utilizing it judiciously is the better way.
Recurring theme Donna. Another facet of the mask conversation of the past. I would bet that there is some seriously powerful stuff in Donna being real, honest and unmasked. I know that the more you are open, the more weight your life and words have.
Of course I would tell you. I am too transparent for you not to be able to tell anyway. I can "fake it" with people who don't know me {at least I think I can}, but if you know me at all it is easy to tell if I am upset/have hurt feelings/ whatever....
I have never met you but I can't help believe that honesty is still a good policy. I find that journaling (blogging) helps me to think through issues. Have the courage to express yourself however you need to or want to. Your true friends will allow you to be honest and love you all the more for it.
(Smiling ear to ear) I thought you had nothing to say today? That was fantastic. Thank you for sharing your soul.
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