Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Moment of Shame
This morning I was ready to get out of bed. I just had a feeling I was going to feel better today. I do feel better. I am not 100%, but I am at least 75% and that is a great improvement. I e-mailed a friend this morning that I even cared what my hair looked like today….that is progress.
Last night I had a moment of shame. I stopped by Wal-Mart after work because even in the rain when I am sick I can not let my dogs go without food. But as is usually the case in Wal-Mart I had picked up several other things. When I got to the register I counted my items to make sure I could go to the 20 Item or less register, legally. (Yes Terri, some rules I follow). Anyway I had only 15 items, so I proceeded to the shortest line I could see. When I got in line I realized I knew the cashier, and I do not like this person. Suddenly I remembered a couple of other items that I needed and I wheeled my buggy around to get my pack of gum and proceeded to the other end of the registers.
Just yesterday I commented to JettyBetty’s blog about how I was doing better about seeing people who were invisible to me before. Now I find myself trying to make people that I do see invisible. This person has not done anything to me directly. I just feel a sense of fakeness around them. I am put off by an attitude that seems to always focus either pity or piety towards themselves. But, I can be kind. I can “love” even when I don’t “like”. So while I was mentally complaining that people cannot seem to read the sign over the doors that say Enter and Exit, I found myself being common, petty and not acting like Jesus would. I was not happy with myself when I drove away.
Last night I had a moment of shame. I stopped by Wal-Mart after work because even in the rain when I am sick I can not let my dogs go without food. But as is usually the case in Wal-Mart I had picked up several other things. When I got to the register I counted my items to make sure I could go to the 20 Item or less register, legally. (Yes Terri, some rules I follow). Anyway I had only 15 items, so I proceeded to the shortest line I could see. When I got in line I realized I knew the cashier, and I do not like this person. Suddenly I remembered a couple of other items that I needed and I wheeled my buggy around to get my pack of gum and proceeded to the other end of the registers.
Just yesterday I commented to JettyBetty’s blog about how I was doing better about seeing people who were invisible to me before. Now I find myself trying to make people that I do see invisible. This person has not done anything to me directly. I just feel a sense of fakeness around them. I am put off by an attitude that seems to always focus either pity or piety towards themselves. But, I can be kind. I can “love” even when I don’t “like”. So while I was mentally complaining that people cannot seem to read the sign over the doors that say Enter and Exit, I found myself being common, petty and not acting like Jesus would. I was not happy with myself when I drove away.
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Hey Donna,
Sorry I've been out of the loop for so long. I hope you feel better soon. It sucks to be sick.
I don't see how not seeing people and choosing to avoid people that you think are phony (and I certainly believe in going with the gut) are remotely the same thing. You don't think Jesus rolled his eyes every time he went to the temple and saw the phoniness there before he finally turned the tables over? Like you said, loving is not necessarily liking.
Sorry I've been out of the loop for so long. I hope you feel better soon. It sucks to be sick.
I don't see how not seeing people and choosing to avoid people that you think are phony (and I certainly believe in going with the gut) are remotely the same thing. You don't think Jesus rolled his eyes every time he went to the temple and saw the phoniness there before he finally turned the tables over? Like you said, loving is not necessarily liking.
You got the Like with the capital L, you got the like with the little l, you got the Love with the capital L, you got the love with the little l, life and relationships are complicated enough. Just go out there and be kind to people. They won't even know if it is a capital L or not.
Only a moment? I had a whole ugly ten or twenty minutes today...If the devil only has you one moment out of the whole day...I think you are doing great!
You are good people! I am sure of it. Someday I would even like to meet you! :]
You are good people! I am sure of it. Someday I would even like to meet you! :]
And when I feel sick sometimes the most loving thing I can do is switch check-out lines!
I hope to meet you someday, too! We live close enough that maybe our paths will cross.
I hope to meet you someday, too! We live close enough that maybe our paths will cross.
Hmm..I've done that--and I am here thinking--hmmm--probably shouldn't have done that.
But, for sure I would never get in the short line, even if I only had 21 items. That is, unless I didn't count very well.
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But, for sure I would never get in the short line, even if I only had 21 items. That is, unless I didn't count very well.
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