Joyful Transformation

I am trying to remember if I have blogged about this before, but if I can’t remember maybe you can’t either. A few years ago my employer decided that I needed to take a Dale Carnegie class. My preconceived notions of the course were that it was to increase your self-confidence and your ability to speak before a crowd. My humble opinion of myself at the time told me that I needed either, but taking the course did not seem to be optional. So me and one my best friends from work (who was a minister, how did he need this?) signed up. What we found were people who were literally scared to death to get up and say a few words in front of a group of people. What it turned into was a place where people would get up with new resolve and tell you things that were very private and had caused them great pain. One lady spoke of her son who had told her he was gay and had been alienated from the family. She told of how she missed him and longed to make contact again. One lady who was also a co-worker told of her alcoholic father and how she had to not only take care of him in his drunkenness but had to make excuses for him and the neglect that was going on in their home (outside of this class I would have not had a clue). My friend and I were flabbergasted at the stories that were told. When our turns would come we would have some polite but humorous story that would make them think we were sharing, but we knew how to build walls in our story. We both already had community that we shared with. We saw this as a professional experience. I think we were pretty much alone in that.

I thought of that today because I was thinking about the one thing I took from Dale Carnegie that was actually beneficial to me. It was “Make peace with the worst thing that could happen and then work the problem expecting the best outcome." (paraphrased). If you know me you know I will get on my soap-box about not worrying. I am a positive person, but I am also a realistic person. Sometimes we go around trying to preach a “Don’t worry, be Happy” religion. Paul warned us that we needed to move from milk to meat in our spiritual food. But sometimes milk can even be good if you get some bran cereal in it. If you are only putting Fruit Loops in your milk though, you will realize that you are still hungry. Why do we try to feed people on this kind of food? Are we afraid the weightier matters will scare people off?

People opened up in that Dale Carnegie class for a reason. They were hurting. They were suffering and they were scared. They needed to know that it was OK to feel this pain and were relieved to have found a group that they felt they could share this with. Yes we cheered each other on and encouraged each other, in that way we were a source of positive feedback. But we never cheapened the emotions and the real hurts of people by telling them to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.