Joyful Transformation

It is a relief to share my secret with you. It is hard to keep quiet about THREE babies. But I am going to have to agree with Fajita in being glad to see this month go. I can honestly say I have never had a more emotional month (at least that I can remember). And I know that there are many of you who have had your lives turned upside down this month. We finally got that cooler weather from you folks in Texas and it is great! October if full of new promise and excitement.

As I was thinking on sharing secrets this morning I had an interesting thought. Imagine that you have to write two books. The titles are below.

1. All the Things I Have Done that I Hope You Never Know About
2. What I Wish You Knew About Me

Which one would be longer? Which one would be more interesting?

If you are like me the 1st one would be the longest, not necessarily because there is more content, but because I remember it more vividly. It is amazing how we can beat ourselves up over some bone-head thing we do, but cannot even remember many of the good things we do. You know I don’t just mean sinful things, like the other day my daughter and I were eating lunch when this guy waved at me. I smiled and waved back and then looked at her and said “I don’t have a clue who that is.” Well when he finished his lunch he started walking over….to the table right behind me….he didn’t have a clue who I was either! You know we remember our mistakes in minute detail.

Maybe we should offer ourselves a little grace. Maybe we should count among our blessings the priveledge we have to do good for someone. Then it is not pride. It is God giving us an opportunity to be him. I think “Let Us Be You” is my favorite song on the new Zoe CD. Let’s don’t sell ourselves short when God is using us. I mean, if you are like me there is always going to be enough in Book 1 to keep us humble…maybe we should focus our energy on Book 2!

Last week I told you about a stressful day filled with emotional highs and lows. I think I am ready to tell you about it.

I told you about my daughter’s pregnancy and the scare that it my be a tubal pregnancy. I told of you of the great relief that we felt when we saw the baby right where it was supposed to be. What I haven’t told you is that on the day of Scotty’s funeral as we left the cemetary, my phone rang. Diana wanted to know if we could go with her to the emergency room. She had started bleeding and was scared to death. Of course David and I left immediately to take her to Birmingham. By the time we got to her house her husband was home, so we all went together. Brookwood Medical Center may be a wonderful place to go for a lot of things but their emergency room is lacking. After 4 ½ hours in this place we found out that everything was OK, but we had TWO babies! Diana went back to the Doctor the next day where they confirmed that there were two babies and two heartbeats. Everything else was great. She did have quite a bit of implantation bleeding so she was not to be too concerned if she bled some more. As long as it was not a lot and as long as she was not cramping. This all happened the week of the 12th.

Last Monday Diana was suffering from irregulatiry (I promise I am not going to talk about THAT!) She was having cramps but was sure it was all from this problem. We went to lunch and I ran in a drug store to get her some things that might bring her relief. She did not feel like getting out of the car. When I returned to the car she said “Mom, I am bleeding, BAD!”. We immediately headed to the Emergency Room at CRMC. (Cullman Regional Medical Center). We were handled immediately and professionally at this place. Diana and I were both scared and both fighting back tears. We had settled down a little when David arrived and she got upset and started crying again. Well, this lab-tech from Hell came to take some blood. Obviously she was trained in the Chinese Torture school because she was hurting my baby. There was blood spurting all over the place and she just kept saying “oh, does that hurt?” In my mind I was jumping over the bed and knocking her out, in reality I just glared at her. Have I mentioned that I have some phychosematic aversion to blood? I don’t know what it is or how to control it but my body just wants to shut down when the red stuff makes an appearance. At this point my anger was able to stem the ususal repsonse.

Well, the sonagrapher finally came and got us. I went back with Diana and we nervously awaited what we would see. My delayed reaction to the blood was jumping on me. I was suddenly sweating like it was 110° in that room. I was going to fight this off though, this IS NOT about me. Well, the technician said “they told you there was two babies?” Diana and I both thought she meant we had lost one, the sick feeling was getting worse. But then her next words were “How about THREE!” ……..THREE! We saw and heard all of the heartbeats. How cool!
But then I couldn’t fight it anymore, I looked around and found a chair and said, I am going to have to sit down. Diana said I was as white as a ghost. Man I hate being weak! But we are going to have THREE babies.

Diana went for her last visit to the fertility Doctors yesterday. They told her at this point she had less than a 10% chance of losing the babies. She will meet with her OB next week. Of course we are not out of the woods, it is going to be a stressful 6 ½ or 7 months, but I felt I had to put all of this down before I forgot everything that had went on. We are now trying to deal with the reality of three car seats, three cribs, etc., etc.,

Please as you rejoice with us keep us in your prayers……THREE!!

Played tennis last night until about 9:30. Played for around 3 hours this morning...Tired?? Yep! But it's a good tired. I am afraid I will have to curtail my tennis playing in the near future, but more on that later.

Today was the hearing for the 2nd boy accused in the murder case of Scotty. Three disturbing facts came to light.

1. This boy had just used meth-amphetamines before he went in to shoot Scotty. His motive was to get money to buy more drugs.
2. He met the second boy after shooting Scotty twice and then returned to the house and shot him again to make sure he was dead.
3. The non-shooter (supposedly) has a 1 year old child and another on the way.

People do not realize the harm that drugs can do. The reality of the seriousness of this drug, even in a small conservative town like ours is frightening. Knowing that this murder was premeditated for no other reason than money to buy drugs makes me believe that even the death penalty is not a good enough consequence! Does that make me a bad person?

I don’t remember Wal Mart selling bales of hay in past years, did they? How does the sense of smell have so much power? Suddenly you are transported to another place and time by something as simple as the sweet smell of hay. One of my best friends growing up was also my 1st cousin. We fancied ourselves to be little helpers of her dad. Truth was we were probably in the way a lot, but he was kind enough to not keep that to himself. We helped when he had to haul in hay. I think we were more infatuated with the cute boys that worked for him, but still we helped.

In addition we had a “crib” that we used to play house in. Half of it was full of hay, but the other half was our make believe paradise. We had some old dishes and pots and pans and we would play for hours. We had a very clear concept of make believe that astounds me to this day.

The hay-loft in my Papa’s barn was also a refuge for the cousins from the ever watchful eyes of the aunt and uncles. We spent many a family reunion slipping off to the barn. Hay lofts were meant for secrets, for fun and excitement. There was also the ever present dare to jump out of the hay-loft. I think this was the main event at my Uncle J.C.'s.

Then there was hay-rides of my teenage years….what were these except excuses to snuggle up close to somebody! Parents, be sure these ventures are well chaperoned, just in case you have forgotten.

Hay rides, bon-fires, make believe, hauling in hay, hanging out in hay lofts, jumping out of hay lofts, memories, blasts from the past. All brought to the fore-front of my mind, just by smelling a bale of hay. Thanks Wal-Mart!


**If you are one of the folks who pay attention to dates and times, I will be out tomorrow so I postdated my post....clever huh?**

Comfort zone, something to get out of, or something to try and stay in? Many times I would argue that it was something to get out of! How else can you stretch yourself? How can you see what you can become if you always just stay comfortable? And I don’t really back down from this, but….

Last night I found myself with a group of people with whom I was not comfortable. It seems I am at a place in my life where most of my aquaintences and especially my friends are striving to live a Christian life. When I am in close proximity for an extended time with people who obviously are not striving for this, I am uncomfortable. Oh its not overt, just patterns of speech, free flying expletives, talk of revenge and retribution. There is also the undeniable attitude that winning is everything. People, feelings, doing right, not so important. This is not a direction I wish to stretch myself in. This is a zone I will try and stay out of.

Yesterday was a bit of a stressful day. I just had an anxious feeling all day. I am not sure what perpetuated the feeling, but it grew stronger as the day went on. During a time of reflection and prayer yesterday afternoon, I realized that I felt distant from God. I know that he is there and that he loves me, and I haven’t quit talking to him, I just felt distant. When I arrived home from my “uncomfortable zone” I started doing some reading. Sometimes I pick up a book and just look at the chapters and see what peaks my interest. Last night I found the title “The Roundabout God” in one of John Ortberg’s books. My interest was piqued. As I started reading I was again amazed at how God talks to me. The chapter was about how God took the children of Isreal the “round-about” way through the wilderness to reach the promised land. He talked of how God often lets us spend time in the wilderness where we will be ready for the next “big thing”. I can’t relate all of the things I read, but it spoke to me. I realized I am in the wilderness and I was able to pray with this in mind. It is sweet when God speaks and I take time to listen.

There is this can of hair spray in the restroom at our office. I am not sure who it belongs to but the name of it gets me….Got 2B in Control. Well there are more ways that I could relate this to my life than time, space, or reader interest would contain, but this morning this little brain of mine went off in a new direction.

I want to control my giving. Well Donna, everyone does control their giving, it is up to them who and how much they give. But that is not exactly what I mean, I guess I should say I want to control who receives what I give. Now stay with me here. I think part of the reason that God commanded us to give is for the blessing that it gives us. Now I know that many people say you can’t out-give God and the more you give the more you prosper. That is not what I mean. I think the blessing comes when we take the time to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, when we try to imagine ourselves in the same need and we reach out in love to offer what we have. It may just be a cup of cold water, but the blessing comes in the touching of lives. It is next to impossible to feel that blessing when we write a check not knowing where the proceeds of the check will go. That is one reason I opted not to give through the Red Cross for the hurricane relief, but instead tried to give where the effect of the gift would be felt by someone or some group that I had a tie to. Does this make sense to you? I know that there are times when a coordinated group effort is more effective. It was the only way I knew to help during the Tsunami. But I think we cheat ourselves when we only give in this manner.

I am excited about the new Sunday morning group some of our ladies have formed. My sweet friend Sharon has headed up a class that is built around service. We look for ways to help, to serve, basically to put our Christianity in action. Terri made the excellent point yesterday that people do want to serve, they just need an opportunity. For years I have lamented the lack of such opportunities. How much more effective to DO SOMETHING about it!

So in addition to this class I am rethinking my giving, of time and resources. I know I have an obligation to the church that I am a part of, but I also know that my first obligation is to God. He has commanded me to give, but I also have found great pleasure in giving. I need this blessing in my life. So what would happen if we all chose to give in this way? What do you think?

7 answers to 7 questions

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Build a house
Go to Italy
Write a book
Speak in a public forum
Weigh 125 again( I may be in the nursing home)
Win a tennis tournament
Be out of debt

7 things I can do:
Hear…too well (more of a curse)
Read really fast
Make an analogy out of anything
SWEAT
Have fun
Solve problems
See both sides of most any issue

7 things I cannot do:
Read blue-prints
Do one thing at a time
Anything involving details
Loose this last 15 pounds
Teach myself the piano (I have tried)
Stay conscience in the presence of blood
Find pleasure in running!

7 things that attract me to another person:
Humor
Intelligence
Shared reading interest
Compassion
Fair Play
Faith
Legs

7 Celebrity Crushes:
Dennis Quaid
George Clooney
Harrison Ford
Brad Pitt
Mel Gibson
Will Smith
Denzel Washington

7 things I say the most:
Do you have any money to pay down?
Is your credit good?
I read somewhere….
What is Matthew doing.
How you doing?
My (calves, thighs, biceps triceps, something,) are sore
I was thinking……

7 reasons I am not tagging any bloggers :
I don’t want to
Clarissa tagged everyone who might do this
I don’t want to look up links
I am lazy
I don’t want to think you don’t like me if you don’t do it.
You will like me if I don’t tag you.
You can do this anyway if you want to!

This morning there are a few clouds in the sky. They are a great reflector of a sun that has not fully arisen, a promise of the splendor of another day. The dark pink strokes across a navy blue sky remind me that God is in control. I can’t believe that our coast is about to experience another monster storm in such a short period of time, but it is coming. I pray that it will weaken and that all will be spared the wrath of Rita.

Today is the preliminary hearing for the boys who are charged with murdering Scotty. Derek & Mary are going to attend the hearing. Please pray for them as this will be such an emotional day. There are days that you can almost forget it happened. It is strange how this causes you guilt. It is a testimony to how life goes on and a lesson in why we should not be so concerned about building a life on this earth. When we are gone, we are soon forgotten. Our souls thirst for more; we should be building our lives with eternity in mind.

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This morning I was reminded of how important it is to be a good follower. During spin class I sat by a girl who had tried to teach the class in the early summer. I think I may have ranted about her teaching style at the time. Well this morning sitting on the front row, she decided to do her own thing. This is not a big deal if you are just sitting and riding quietly or just going slower or faster than the instructor, but she was doing some major body gyrations that were quite distracting (to put it mildly). It reminded me that there is a time and place to “do your own thing” and a time and place to follow the leader. I know I am sometimes guilty of dancing to the beat of my own drummer, but I pray that I do not distract from my leaders and act in such a way that I draw attention to myself. Perhaps I was privileged to sit beside this person just to be reminded of this little lesson.

It jumped on me again last night…that “I don’t want to go to church” thing. But I HAD to go; I HAD to teach a class. I was mildly annoyed that they were cutting into my class time by insisting we meet in the auditorium for 15 minutes prior to going to class. I was tired and I just wanted to sit in my recliner and relax. But as usual the sweet spirit of the ladies in my class propelled me to feeling much better. It is a privilege to lead a group of ladies who love Jesus and who love each other and don’t mind getting together and talking about it. We always take the opportunity to pray for each other and that is such a blessing.

Last night we were talking about confession. We would read a scripture and read questions found on a devotional I receive. It was a good exercise. Asking the point blank questions caused us to truly confess some areas of weakness in our lives. I think such introspection is good for us, just to keep us honest about what we struggle with.
I know it is encouraging to know that you are not the only one that struggles with a certain sin.
Anyway I was glad I was there, glad I just did it. It was a blessing for me to be there. Then this morning I didn’t want to get up and work out…………..Yeah, I went, I am not sure I was blessed, but the sprints weren’t so bad

There are many things in my life that I used to not like that I now love; Green beans are a good example. As a child if you wanted me to eat green beans, you would have to force feed me. As an adult I could eat a plate full and still want more. There are many other things in my life that are like that and I am not sure if it is so much a maturing thing as a changing thing. You see I like change. Generally I prefer change to come at my request and at the pace I want it to come at, but seldom does it happen that way.

God gives us a Spirit of boldness. He expects us to use this empowerment to embrace and thrive on the changes he brings to our lives. I used to think we were on the earth for a long time, however the further I get from the half-way point of the promised life span, the shorter the whole time becomes. Why should I not embrace each new change and each new opportunity? The time to “boldly go where no man has gone before” is growing short for me. Time is going to pass and changes are going to occur. It is up to me how I use that time and how I embrace that change. I know that what we do while on this earth does not matter that much in the grand scheme of things. What we do with Jesus and where he takes us after this life is the main thing. But, this life is all I can wrap my weak little mind around; so why not live it to the full? Why not try new things and go new places? Things will change. Some change will be good; some will be bad and hard to accept. Some will be good and hard to accept. But there is no point in going around wishing things would stay the same or crying, “woe is me” when unexpected change lands in our laps.

Today give thanks for the changes that life has brought you to and through. Praise God for all the wonderful things he lets you experience and all of the trials through which he has carried you. Pray for strength to handle the changes that are on the road ahead: And pray for the wisdom to use those changes to glorify our Father.

I am a bit of a paradox. On the one hand I love sharing my “journaling” in this public arena. On the other hand I am a very private person who loves to have secrets. The two don’t seem to co-exist in harmony and yet they do. I don’t know maybe part of the allure of secrets is in spreading tidbits of information to cause others to know that you do have a secret and to want to know more, who knows?

Yesterday was a roller-coaster day for me. The thing is every part of my life was running somewhat out of control on a track that was designed to take your breath away one minute and leaving you almost screaming for help the next. Then of course there is the sensation of total sickness that causes every pore in your body to open up simultaneously and spout sweat like some scene out of the movie “Airplane”. Work, family, tennis, maybe the only non-affected area was my church life. But in retrospect that is not true. Between e-mails shared and conversation of some things that happened while I was out Sunday morning, I guess I was a little up in the air with that too.

Suffice it to say, these are the days that you circle on your calendar as the ones you will not forget, and yet at the same time you know that you don’t want to repeat them. The beauty that God placed in the sky last night in the form of the moon reminds me that he was with me through it all. He held me up when I couldn’t hold myself up. He gave me the courage and the wisdom to do what had to be done. I honestly can’t imagine getting through such a day without the Comforter. Thank you Lord!

We had a wonderful weekend in Dothan, Alabama. Despite 105° heat index on the courts, tennis was a lot of fun. We also had some good times and good food, off the courts. It is just as much fun to watch Alabama win against Steve Spurrier in a substandard Best Western Motel room as it is at home…..ROLL TIDE!! I was glad David was with me, it made the trip much more enjoyable.

Cell phones with free long distance makes keeping in touch with my kids easy. I did have one panicked call from Diana that scared me, but it was just that there was a mouse in her kitchen!! Text messaging keeps me in touch with friends who just want to hang out on my boat dock. Sometimes we take technology for granted, but sometimes it is such a cool thing to have. I did refuse to take my lap top with me. I may not ever catch up on everyone’s blog…I may just have to fast forward. Don’t think I am neglecting you if you don’t get comments from me for a while. There were 67 new entries on my bloglines! Do you people only write when I am out of town??!! I was only gone three days!

I did learn some things on this trip.

1. There is a lot of really pretty farm land between Montgomery and Dothan.
2. The Westgate Church of Christ in Dothan is heading up the hurricane relief efforts in that city.
3. Do NOT go onto the tennis courts without a snack. Your match may just last three hours.
4. The tennis player’s party is not an open bar! They expected me to give them money!
5. Dothan and the surrounding areas have more bugs per capita than they do grass! There was 7,563 bugs on my grill and windshield when I arrived home.
6. Same bugs are not real tasty, but do enjoy flying into your mouth while you are on the tennis courts. (they are kind of crunchy)
7. All malls look pretty much the same.
8. There is one guy on every tennis team across the state that looks just like a guy on another team.
9. Do not stop by the office on Sunday Evening after a trip for ANYTHING! You will start trying to find ways to NEVER go back to work!
10. There was nothing more beautiful on the whole trip than the full moon in my front yard (Smith Lake) last night. What a Peaceful, Easy Feeling!!
    
    

Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend. Hey Zoe will be here before we know it!!

Off for a weekend of tennis in Dothan Alabama.

I am sure it will cure anything that ails me....back on Sunday!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

I hope I still have all my teeth. I can taste the blood in my mouth. It is too much of an effort to get my eyes open wide enough to see if blood has dripped on the mat. I am a mess. That last punch can only be described as a sucker punch. I was getting my breath, recovering from the last barrage of devastating blows, when out of nowhere “smack!” This punch threatened to “turn out my lights”. Where am I going to find the strength to win this? I am not even sure if I am strong enough to finish much less win!

My trainer keeps encouraging me, even as he wipes the blood from my face. “You can do this, just remember your training!” It is not the training that has failed me; I have just taken one too many “short-cuts”. I know that I have not been doing all of the things that he has taught me. I am ashamed to tell him how I have neglected my training…but somehow I think he knows. It doesn’t seem to faze him, he encourages me anyway and stays in my corner.

The puzzling thing is how easily I have defeated the opponents I faced before. Why is this one so tough? Why are they letting the two of them come into the ring at the same time? One obviously has a distinct advantage and has unleashed his beating on me. The other is like a little “lap dog”. He just keeps nipping at my heels, punching, taking cheap shots and then leaving himself open where I can get a punch or two in.

The thing I keep forgetting is that the fight is fixed. It doesn’t really seem fair. The stronger fighter may not win. The fight is seldom fair. It’s like everyone knows the fight is fixed so why not inflict as much pain as possible?

You see, I am going to win. I may have bruises and scars. I may think that I am down for the count. But the trainer in my corner has bought me and has bought this fight. I may get knocked down, but I will get up and by George, I will WIN!

On the recommendation of several bloggers and others I purchased John & Stasi Eldredge’s book “Captivating.” I read the first chapter this weekend (no! I have not finished The Divine Conspiracy, but I only like two chapters so I will finish by the end of the year!) The first chapter talked of how we as women need to feel that we are attractive and wanted.

This new knowledge that feeling special is part of a woman’s make-up and who God made us to be compelled me to share the following with you….

Friday, I had a repeat customer come to see me. He told me that he had told his wife that he thought I was gorgeous! Gorgeous? Not cute, not pretty but Gorgeous!! Well even though I knew this guy admired me (you guys are SO transparent sometimes), I was flattered by his comments. I guess his telling me that he had told his wife first made it casual banter??

Then at the football game Friday night someone asked Derek if I was his wife! He said "NO (probably humiliated) that is my Mom"! The lady then said I looked young enough to be his wife!! Oh yeah! I liked the compliments. On an otherwise dark day it did provide a big old smile!

So make someone’s day today. Pay them a sincere compliment. It is more of a service than you can ever imagine.

Did you learn all of your parts of speech when you were in school? The easiest to remember for me are the adverbs. When, where, why or under what conditions seemed to be the basis for a lot of my conversation. When I was in the fifth grade we were studying some oblique concept and I kept asking my teacher “why”? I genuinely wanted to know. He (a first year teacher and only 25) was fed up with trying to answer me so instead he made me write the word “why” as many times as I could on the front and back of a page of paper. Unfortunately for all of those who came after him it did not squelch my inquisitive nature. (Nor did the paper he made me write on the Ice Age when I told him the concepts didn’t quite match up to what I had learned in Sunday School!).

I still struggle with wanting to know the “why” of everything. I think we become a little spoiled by TV mysteries and suspense novels. They always tie-up everything in the end in a neat little package and you finish thinking you KNOW everything.

Life is not like that. We can ask why all day long and never get a satisfactory answer. We must learn to accept that while on earth we will always only “know in part”. Frustrating for those of us who camp out on the adverbs, I know. But the faith that God is in control and has our best interest at heart keeps us going. Faith that one day he will reveal the whole story to us helps us rest and be at peace.

As we reflect on the happenings of this day four years ago, the hurricane of two weeks ago, or the ongoing tragedies we all face in our personal lives it is comforting to know that the God who loves us is in ultimate control. He will care for us, he will comfort us. Even when we can’t understand all of the “why’s” he will tenderly love us through the dark days ahead. Truly this is the source of peace.

Sometimes writing is like therapy for me. I don’t know why but just taking the thoughts out of my head and seeing what comes out on paper (or on a monitor in most cases) calms me.

The place where my son and his friend work hired counselors to come in and talk to people on Thursday. They insisted Derek talk to him. I think it has helped, and although he hasn’t told me much of what was said I know that he was told to go about his normal activities. So yesterday he mowed the yard (it is his weekend off). That all went well until he thought he saw Scotty’s truck drive up. Then I went to play tennis with him. I don’t know what happened on the way, but I lost him for a few minutes. As we were leaving we drove by the place where Scotty picked up his newspapers for his paper route. Derek had gone with him several times. Suddenly he was shouting through his tears at me to just get out of here! I didn’t know until later what had happened.

Last night he wanted to go to the football game. I sensed that he wanted me to go with them. Knowing that Matthew would not sit still I knew that if I went me or Mary would be there with Derek constantly. That wasn’t so bad. He got to see some other friends and some folks who knew Scotty and he could talk to them.

He is doing OK. We are going to hit some tennis balls this morning. I like that he is getting so interested in tennis. I know it is a great stress reliever for me. I don’t expect a great quality of play, but I will help divert his mind and give him an outlet for some pent up frustrations.

These are the times when I miss having a regular minister. I know that I would have already talked with Randy myself and I know that he would have been a great help to Derek. Derek has good friends in his devotional group and I know they will be there for each other, but I wish we had someone in place at our church. Funny, sometimes I think we don’t really need a full time person we can just get by with a gifted and caring speaker who works for us on “church” days. I know that we should not have to “pay” people to minister to the hurting among us, but there are some things that it is better to have a trained person handle.

Thank you all for you kind words of support and comfort. Thank you especially for your prayers in our behalf. I cannot express to you how much it means to me. I am so comforted by having a family some of whom I will never meet, that prays for me and mine. Won’t it be great when we are all together and death will be conquered forever!

It was Roll Tide that got me. Somehow I had convinced myself that it was just another day and I got up and went to spin class. Of course this is a football weekend and this is the south, so it is on everyone’s mind. Steve (our instructor) asked if there were any Auburn fans and we had a weak (sorry Terri) War Eagle go up. Then he asked enthusiastically how about Alabama fans, to which there was a roaring Roll Tide!

You see, Scotty had never been to a college football game. He and Derek had tickets to go to the Alabama game this Saturday. From there it went down hill. I couldn’t sing or clap. I rode for about 30 minutes and then I had to get out of there.

The current speculation is that he was killed by someone who knew him. The prime suspect is a brother to one of his ex-girlfriends. Scotty had helped him in the past by bailing him out of jail. I don’t know details or facts for that matter, but it does not surprise me that Scotty was helping someone who was down and out. What I cannot understand is how someone could beat him up and then shoot him in the head.

I want to tell you a little about Scotty. He was such a hard worker. He had just taken another job this past week. He had bought a couple of houses and was looking to buy another one. Did I mention he was only 25? He didn’t get anything the easy way. He worked hard and had risen above some of the hardships he had growing up. Derek met him when he needed a friend that believed in hard work. He was also a saver (Derek needed that too!) He put 20% of his pay into his 401-K and had started several IRA's.

For the last two and half years he has been like family. He was there when Matthew was born and has been a big part of his life. This year he came to our house on the 4th of July. He had never been in a boat. Derek and Mary took him out to enjoy the lake for a while.

Scotty was planning to be married later this year. He had gone to Cambodia in June where he made the plans with his future bride. He loved being in that country because he could give so much to her family. He told of taking the whole family out for lobster dinner and it only costing $20. He brought a video to our house to show us all that he had experienced while there.

I don’t understand a world in which God’s children kill each other. I can’t fathom having that much anger or meanness in my heart. I weep thinking of the goodness and the potential that was snuffed out.

Lord, I just want to go home…come quickly.

Early yesterday morning I was thinking about the way my life had changed in the last two years. I am not sure that the Donna of two years ago would recognize herself now. What caused such reflection and introspection on a Wednesday morning? My tennis shoes. I have always been the kind of person who would buy a new pair of tennis shoes when mine were tore up or completely out of style (I have some hi-top PURPLE Reeboks somewhere). Yesterday I was ordering the 4th pair of tennis shoes in two years because the soles were completely wore out!! Two years ago I had not started my early morning work-outs, I had not started playing tennis, I still had a daughter living at home, I didn’t have a grandson and I was about 30 pounds heavier. Along with exercising and eating closer to right, I have eliminated some other “weights” in my life. I had never heard of the Zoe Conference and now I am planning to attend my second one. I have started writing. Not just this blog, although this is such a great outlet for me, but I am writing other things. My mind has opened to new ways of looking at things and well shucks, I just like myself better.

I think I told you my daughter has been going to a fertility specialist since the first of the year. For those of you who have been through this you know how incredibly emotional and frustrating the whole process can be. Two weeks ago she finally heard the words she had waited so long to hear, she was pregnant! Tuesday she went for a routine check-up and blood work. They went ahead and did a sonogram even though they didn’t expect to see anything. They told her not to worry unless her HGC levels were over 2000. (If you don’t know what I am talking about…welcome to my world). That afternoon they called and said her level was 2499. They wanted her to come in Wednesday morning where they could check for a tubal pregnancy. She fell apart. My first tennis match of the fall season was Wednesday. I knew that I had to make some calls to let people know I couldn’t play. I had to be with my little girl. I prayed all night… “please God”. I didn’t know much else to say until during the night I realized God is the creator of life. New life is always a miracle performed by him, if this new life was in her tubes he could move it….I prayed for it, I learned the meaning of praying without ceasing.

When the technician started moving the instrument around to show different parts of Diana’s insides, I saw it! It was right where it was supposed to be! The beginning of a new life INSIDE her uterus! The tears came immediately as I whispered “Thank you God, Thank you God!” Seeing a new life is a miracle of God!

I know that we still have a LONG way to go and I covet your prayers in our behalf; but it looks like the next year may bring even more changes to this old gal! I can’t wait!

Some days perspective comes into sharp focus. The things that you were sure were important in your life and in your world take on a shade of insignificance. Not that you don't care, it's just there are other things that are MORE important. Today was such a day for me. Out of my heartache God lifted me up, he answered prayers, he showed me a miracle.

Satan tried to divert my attention with cares of this world. He tried to blindside me and cause me to doubt myself. But my joy is greater than my disappointments. My thanksgiving exceeds my turmoil.

For now rejoice with me and praise God!

More later!

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I don’t think I ever decided. I knew I wanted to be a wife and mother, but I had “grand illusions” about that. I thought that would be it; that would be all I needed to fulfill me. In another instance where my husband knows me better than I know myself, when I asked about going back to work when Derek was 9 months old he said, “I knew you would”. Really? How did he know? But he was right, maybe if blogging had been around back then…???

I think the reason books like The Purpose Driven Life are so popular is because we haven’t decided what we want to “be”. We think “great, in 40 days I will KNOW”. I have gone through the book three times now… I was motivated, I was inspired, but I still don’t know. I think these are life long decisions. Most of the people you know who are Doctors decided when they were small children that they wanted to be Doctors. (If not they would never go to school that long….) Some people stumble into teaching, but it is usually a childhood dream as well. As a young girl I played house a lot. I wanted to be married, to have children, to travel with my husband Davy Jones and the Monkeys……

Well if this is all true we need to be very careful how we shape the dreams and aspirations of the children we have influence over. You will all be happy to know that Matthew has decided on his career. He is pretty sure about his hobby as well. Now if Mi Mi could just figure out what she wanted to do…………..

I have got to guard my heart. I think I am falling in love again. It’s not that I haven’t loved him from the very first…it’s just that I didn’t want to give my whole heart away knowing that he too was going to leave. He made that clear; he was here just for a while he was just here to fill in. I am talking about our interim minister Dennis Jones. As much as I have resisted the last two weeks he has lured me in, he has broken down any wall that might have been erected in my heart. He broke the ice with a wonderful sermon on mercy last week. He even said from the pulpit that it was more important to have the right heart than to do everything “just right”.

Today in honor of Labor Day he presented a wonderful lesson on working. You know, we don’t hear enough from the pulpit that we need to be hard workers. We are told plainly “Whoever does not work should not eat”. (II Thessalonians 3:10) It was refreshing to hear a Godly perspective on the importance of working hard and having the right attitude as we work to provide for our families. We are also told that we should use our hands for honest work and then give generously to those in need. (Ephesians 4:28) I can’t think of a more timely application of this scripture. The folks we are trying to help right now have no control over their circumstances. They need to be able to look to you and me. Dennis challenged us to do one thing per day to help our neighbors who are victims of the hurricane. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but just one thing daily.

I wonder sometimes if I am doing the right thing; if I am fulfilling what God would have me to do in the way that he would have me to do it. As I thought on this today I read one more passage that helps me. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him” (Philipppians 2:13) Wow! He is giving me the power to do what pleases him!! I need that power. Thank you Lord!

Today things are much better in New Orleans. There is a long way to go but things are moving in a positive direction. My brother made some great points about how long it takes to mobilize our military (see the comment section on the previous entry)…..that doesn’t ease the frustrations of the people affected, but it does make sense.

Our town has set up a Red Cross shelter. There is a large shelter being manned by the Gardendale First Baptist Church a few miles south of us. There is opportunity to help in all of our local communities. A group of medical professionals were unable to get gas to get down to the coast yesterday. None of us can do it all, but we can all do a little bit and it will make a BIG difference.

So for the Labor Day weekend, let us enjoy our families. Let us be thankful for all the ways we are blessed. Let us reach out to help someone in need. Mostly let us give glory to God for this life we have. He is now and always will be in control. Let us not forget it.

That is my “lettuce” lesson for Friday. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend

It’s not about money. I am not a political person, I have said that before. I am a supporter of George W., even though I realize he is human and he too has let me down. But I don’t really understand our country’s response to what is happening in New Orleans. I just wonder if the tragedy had been caused by a terrorist attack if our response would have been faster. Would we have allowed the suffering and the waiting that is going on? I have held out hope that the Calvary was going to rush in at any moment…but this morning when I read Larry James blog, I became angry, hurt and disillusioned. (I can’t read Larry James everyday because he either makes me feel guilty, helpless or depressed, that of course has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.)

David and I have watched news nightly and wondered why we are not bringing in more military support and military expertise to rescue, to communicate and to bring food and water to these people. We have amphibious troop movers; we have helicopters that are people movers. Yes, there are some truly bad people, there will always be bad people and they seem to get all the press, but we have failed this city. No not the average American, we have all wanted to help to do our part, to offer a hand or whatever we could. But we are helpless as individuals to do the things that have to be done to reach these people. However, we have the military capability to handle this. We are the strongest nation in the world and we have other countries shaking their heads wondering why we don't have this situation under control. I wonder too. I don’t believe in second guessing or placing blame but I am sad that we have allowed ourselves to fail this city.

It is not about money. Let’s pray for our leadership to mobilize and provide the people of New Orleans the rescue that they are waiting for.

Do you think Jesus was hurt when his disciples left him? Do you think he thought they might change their minds and stand with him as he faced the angry mob? Of course we know that his plan included them staying alive but on a personal level, don’t you think he wanted to be able to protect them or run them off instead of just watching them disappear?

When is the last time someone let you down? Notice I didn’t ask has anyone ever let you down, I am sure that they have. I sometimes wonder if people know the power they have to upset and hurt you. I wonder if I realize how much power I have to do this to others. Fortunately for every bad experience there are countless treasures of time spent with true friends who have demonstrated their love for me over and over.

But, again I have to think of Jesus. How proud he must have been when Peter’s faith let him step out of the boat and walk on water. And as hurt as he was by Peter’s denial he was willing to forgive and allowed Peter the opportunity to “feed his sheep.” How many chances do I want to give someone to “betray” me? Can I offer mercy when I have been offended? I think this is one of the many areas where I fail to think “what would Jesus do”.

A new month….already! A good friend told me recently that time flies whether you are having fun or not, so I guess you might as well be having fun. Yesterday although it was in the high 80’s around here you could feel just a little nip in the air, just the hint of the change of season. I don’t know why that puts me in such a good mood. I guess the hope that knowing God is still in control and the seasons will continue. **Our power came back on around noon yesterday**

Life will never be the same for many, many people. I can’t change that, you can’t change that, they can’t change that and even God won't change that. A new beginning; somehow it sounds much better than the reality of it can possibly be. I know that everyone wants to help and there are many ways to do that. I just want to share that I have chosen to help through the White’s Ferry Road Church of Christ Relief Ministries. They are located in Louisiana and have the ability to accept your donations on line. I have given to the Church of Christ Disaster Relief Effort in the past, but you cannot give on line and I just felt that the group that was working out of Louisiana might have more access to the folks who need help first. I want to be able to do more than giving money, but for now that seems to be the logical thing to do. The access to these areas are limited and an organization who can meet the needs of the many, rather than just the needs of the few can use money to acquire what is needed the most.

Let us not forget to be in constant prayer for these folks. There is talk of how they will need to have a meal for Thanksgiving….already. The recovery is going to be long. It will be easy to forget about these folks as we get on with our own lives. Let’s help each other remember and remind each other to pray….daily.