Joyful Transformation

So the babysitting went well. We had a great time. He is so much fun now that he can sit up and laugh. David and I took him out to eat with us. He had a really good time beating the spoon against the table. He likes for me to give him cold tea or water from the spoon. If you get a glass too close to him he grabs it and tries to drink. I know boring grandmother stuff, but check him out here, we are properly indoctrinating him.

I think my tax refund is going to be enough to pay for the cruise I have booked for our anniversary. I really can’t ask for much more than that. Two years ago I had to pay in enough for two or three NICE vacations!! That is no fun. God continues to bless me in ways I don’t deserve and can’t explain.

You know, I miss so much the playful banter that goes on between siblings since my brothers both live away. Last night I sat down after church with two of my cousins and we discussed our parents and laughed and understood where we all came from. I am so glad that they go to church with me now.

I was reading over at JD’s blog about division and the residue left behind. That troubles me. I left my mother’s church almost 20 years ago. I lived equally close to it and the church I now attend at the time. However, at the time my children were 2 & 4 and half the time I was their teacher on Sunday morning and Wednesday night. I realized I needed to change for them and for me. I hope that I handled it properly. When I decided to make the change I went before my parent’s church and told them that I was going to place membership at the other church. I told them I was not mad or hurt at anyone, I just felt like it was the right move for me and my family. Of course sometimes, that is not the case. Sometimes there are hurt feelings and disappointments. All of my life my extended family has been so divided (yet all C of C) that they would hardly call on one another to pray. Church was never mentioned when this “other side” was present. I know that God is not pleased when His children fight over Him. I know that disagreements and disappointments are going to occur. We are after all human, but if we truly seek God first, perhaps these other things can be set aside. I taught a class last week on peace. Until we find that peace within, we will scarcely be able to find it without. I pray that my life will be one filled with peace and with tolerance for those who are seeking to serve my Lord and Savior.

Did you know the combination of gravity and ceramic tile floors will perfectly crack an egg? One should not read while one is breaking eggs….

Off to get Matthew. His dad called me this morning and said they decided I could keep him today. Just a few more minutes on this tax return….

I finished another book! John Eldridge’s Waking the Dead. I started this book back in the fall and wondered why it was taking me so long to finish. I finally figured it out. I liked the book and the points he made really spoke to me, but he quotes from The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, the movie The Matrix and other works all through the book. Let me re-phrase, its not that he quotes them be puts long excerpts in this book. I have not read the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit, but even if I had I don’t think I would enjoy reading long excerpts in the middle of a book that is talking about having my heart alive to Jesus. Having said that; once I started skipping these parts I truly enjoyed the book. I am motivated today to make sure that I am guarding and protecting my heart.

How about you? Read anything good lately?

I must confess, I bought a book last night! But, I think you will forgive me for this exception…..

Both of my children are good people. I raised them to be in church three times a week and every time there was a special event. David was always supportive and even got up each Sunday morning and ironed the kid’s clothes where we could all make it on time. But in the way of a lot of kids (myself included) when they grew up and started making their own choices it did not seem necessary to attend church. They have hit the occasional Sunday morning but I wonder how much of that is just for Mom. When Matthew was born, Derek changed. He has to work every other weekend, but on his weekends off they are at church on Sunday morning. Still, I knew that was not enough to make him grow. Derek was a line backer when he played football. He followed a boy who was a year older and always inspired Derek. I personally thought the boy was just a little mean. He ended up joining the Marines and was in the Special Forces. This same young man has started having a Bible study in his home each Tuesday night. Derek has not missed.

He called me last night, (the phone actually was ringing while I was leading prayer at the end of my class…) He said he couldn’t afford it till he got paid, but he wanted to buy a Bible. They are studying from the NLT. I took him to Books-A-Million and bought him a Bible. I assured him that he never had to pay me back for that.

We sat in the car and talked for a long time. He is concerned about how he can influence his Dad. About a week ago my brother called me and told me that his small group was praying for specific people to find God and that he had included David on that list. I asked him to pray for me as well that I may have the courage to gently lead him without pushing him away. Maybe Derek is going to be the answer to those prayers. Yes of course he has already answered so many of my prayers. My heart is so full! God is so good and so powerful, and while our time tables do not always mesh, He answers prayers.

So, I don’t apologize for buying this book. I praise God that I could.

Lord, thank you for sending Chris into Derek’s life. Thank you for the good that they are doing and the encouragement that they are to each other. Please bless me with your wisdom to lead my whole family into your family.

I finished one of the many books in my “too read” stack last week. Now I am not a big proponent of self-help books. But this book “Nine Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life” by Dr Henry Cloud, made a positive impact on me. His thoughts are backed by scripture and the nine things parallel the things you need in life to develop the fruits of the spirit. Anyway not every book I read sinks in and makes a difference but this one did. So without giving a full book review let me tell you how it helped me with the situation yesterday.

One of the 9 things is to “Do Something”. This woman’s loan was closed. She was coming by to pick up her appraisal and some other documents that she didn’t want laying around (because usually we do just paper the bird cages with people’s personal information!!@!). She had already spoke to my boss while she was waiting on me. He was 100% supportive of me. He told her he knew the situation, he didn’t want to hear it, and told me to give her what she wanted and get her out of here. Well I realized the lady wanted to be heard. She asked if she could come in my office and look through some of her papers, no problem, I said. I did something!

One of the other 9 things was to “Be Humble”. I didn’t try to make excuses or explain that we did go WAY beyond the call of duty with her. It wasn’t going to matter. She wanted to be heard and didn’t really care what I had to say. I apologized that she felt mistreated and assured that it was not my intention to make her feel bad or neglected.
As she left I even told her to “have a nice day”. That one almost stuck in my throat.

Another of the 9 things is to “Pull the Tooth”. Now, as I humbled myself, I will sadly say that she probably affected me more than I did her. I was upset when she left. My boss walked in and told me not to let her get to me. She was crazy and would never be made happy. I knew he was right, but it hurt my feelings. So, to get rid of this; I closed my door and picked up the phone to call my friend Terri. She was not answering her phone so I started writing it down. Keith Brenton, you are right! Venting it in this blog helped me to pull the tooth and put it behind me.

So thank you all for your concern and your support. Clarissa and Betty, I would love to tell you that I turned the lady around and she left hugging my neck and singing my praises, but it ain’t so! Fortunately, God didn’t call us to change other people, only to evolve ourselves into salt and light. Maybe, I didn’t let Him down this time.

My problem customer from earlier in the month just paid me a visit. She just wanted to let me know how horribly she felt I had treated her and how I had ruined her purchase experience for her.

God is good. He granted me the peace and the wisdom to only say kind words and to tell this woman that I was sorry. I didn’t try and defend or explain, I just said that I was sorry, her file had been a very difficult case for me and I hated it that she felt that I had in any way mistreated her. I am not sure I could have done that this time last month.

I really wanted to say “Do you know I bent over backwards for you, get out of my office your crazy woman!!!@!”

Does the fact that I didn’t say it help with the fact that I thought it????

This morning I heard this passage that I have never noticed before:

John 6: 14 After the people saw the miraculous sign that Jesus did, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” 15 Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.

Perhaps I haven’t noticed because it is sandwiched between the feeding of the 5,000 and Jesus walking on water. The people wanted to make him king by force? Why have I always missed this? Did Jesus avoid the people so as not to disappoint? Was he trying to avoid conflict?

Either way, Jesus modeled getting away from it all. He did it when he needed God the most, when he just needed a break from the crowds and when he was concerned about others. I am still working on developing this discipline in my life.

Which somehow reminds me of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs; Hungry by Kathryn Scott:

Hungry I come to you, for I know you satisfy.
I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry.
And so I wait for You.

Perhaps it takes getting away, just me and God, to allow Him to fill me.

I talked some last week about service. We have a group that is going to India on a mission trip at the end of February. They have shared with us that they have discovered that there is no words for thank you in the Indian culture. The blessing is perceived to be given to the giver. So is our problem cultural rather than prideful?

Last week I made a diligent effort to “give”. Not anonymously but without fan-fare. Some of the gifts were simply words of encouragement. And to be honest I had forgotten about one of the cards that I had sent. But last night I was thanked profusely for my help and for my encouragement. I can’t help it; that made me feel good. I don’t expect thanks from the others and I still feel good that I was able to help and encourage. Perhaps that giving of thanks is the other person’s way of giving back. Perhaps that is the time that they truly feel the blessing as well.

These are just some random thoughts for a Monday. Showing appreciation is a form of giving. Surely you can think of someone you need to appreciate today.

I just got out of the shower where I took a mental inventory of the books that I own that I have not read. I am making a public promise that I will not buy another book until April 1, 2005. That should give me time to complete the ones waiting on my shelves.

Just posted it to keep me honest.

The shower part might not have been necessary to tell, but thats where I do my best thinking.

Have a great weekend.

Last night we had a celebration of sorts for those people at my church who read through the Bible in 2004. We had a really good time but the following struck me as a tad peculiar:

1. We had Barbeque PORK- to celebrate getting through the Old Testament
2. When discussing what we learned or could share one lady said she thought it was a good ideal to read different versions; I agree. But then she said you would have to check those versions for error, and to do this you compare it to King James. Now, I didn’t know old King James was inspired…. What doest thou sayest? Hast thou no respect for thy elders? How canst thou question?
3. When people come together to celebrate being in the word of God it is a wonderful thing. I left feeling inspired and loved

Now it is Friday! That is pretty cool!

Last night we had a birthday party where the birthday girl didn’t show up! Oh well, we went ahead and ate, called her, and she arrived to open gifts. We of course had a good time anyway.

We are talking in class about developing the fruit of love in our lives. I pointed to the fact that the love that God commands us to have is always demonstrated. We then talked about the discipline it takes to demonstrate love, and that is of course service. I made the point that service is commanded by God not because of filling the need of others but what is does for us to be servants. That is logical and true, and yet until we see the needs of others we can’t get past the pride that keeps us from giving. We talked a lot about giving secretly or anonymously but when I thought about this more during the night I realized that we do get ourselves out of the way when we truly focus on the needs of others. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with wanting to know if we do fill this need and the person is blessed by our giving. Again, does focusing on the other person’s reaction or blessing not take us out of the limelight? We confuse wanting to know the good that is done with pride in doing it. I was thinking of the Hallmark commercials where the lady picks up bears or whatever and pictures the reaction of the person when they receive the gift. That is O.K. isn’t it? I think the important thing is that to love as God loves we will serve. When we serve for awhile we will love. Pride will always have to be dealt with. Even those men who spent all their time with Jesus had arguments about who was the greatest.

I am going to strive in 2005 to open my eyes to those whom I can serve. Maybe even with the sacrifice of my time. I would challenge you to do the same. And I would love to know what you think about the anonymity part of it all.

Earlier this month I wrote about a friend who I no longer had contact with. Well yesterday a chance encounter at lunch hit me a little hard. This chance encounter caused emotions and feelings that I thought were long behind me to resurface. My confidence and my assurance of God’s love for me starts eroding. I revert to the person that I was with this friend. I know that part of this is that a large portion of my life was shared with this person. We were friends that could finish each others sentences and laugh at the same little things. I am sure part of my anxiety is missing that closeness in my life. I was amazed that I let it get under my skin and ruin my mood for the day.

But then again my mood was also marred by conversation with my daughter. Do daughters and mothers ever get on an even plane? Diana works for me so I see her everyday. That is great and it can also be grating! If I ever offer a view point different than hers she accuses me of taking sides against her. I know it is just that mother/daughter thing. I know she loves me and knows that I love her but somedays it just gets to me.

So there! I let others rob my joy yesterday. Shame on me! Today I will do better. I will meet with my class tonight and even celebrate a birthday with some of the girls before class. It is going to be a great day!

Last night as I was writing in my prayer journal I realized that I had listed several of my blog friends. Of course Mike Cope and his family as well as the other families at Highland were close to my heart. If I think about it for more than a minute my chest tightens up and I can physically feel the pain. My heart hurts for the family that lost their son, I am so grateful that they have a large church family who loves them and will wrap their arms around them during the upcoming weeks, months and years. I was also praying for Ed in the sudden loss of his mother, and Anne-Geri who I know still feels the pain of her loss. I was praying for Mae and her health during her pregnancy and suddenly it hit me. I pray for this family more than my own church family! Why is that?

Well, you share your lives with me. I KNOW you. At least I know more about you than what color of dress/suit you are wearing and what kind of car you drive. I do so love and appreciate this family that communicates through this medium. How do we get to know those who do not participate? How can I know the couple I sit behind in church every Sunday, when we all hit the door running to beat the Baptist to the restaurants? How can I spend an hour in Bible study and get to know the people in the class? I really don’t know. But until we can open up to each other, until we can find ways to communicate our hurts, our longings and our joys; we cheat ourselves of a family who will truly pray for us and cheer us on when we are struggling.

Again I am so blessed to be a part of this blog family. I started reading first and felt like I knew so many of you right away. I started writing myself because it disciplines me TO write. I have never been as successful at journaling as I have by doing this. It helps me to go back and see where I have been and what I was thinking at the time. Most of my writing is for me more than anyone who might read it, but I am honored that you do. Thanks for sharing pieces of your life with me. I am better person for having known you; all of you!

This morning I was listening to Luke’s account of Mary and Martha. I never fathomed that people would relate to Martha and be a little angry that Jesus would take Mary’s side until I got in a ladies class where I was younger than most. I probably struggle more with getting things done, that while they are not the BEST things, do have to be done. I took to heart the advice about dusty furniture and un-cleaned baseboards when my children were small. I know many of you are OCD about cleaning; I just didn’t get that gift, or curse or whatever.

Yesterday I got to keep Matthew for a couple of hours. He was so precious. I really wanted to take a nap. I still don’t know what is going on in my “Salty Piece of Land” book and I needed to study some for my lesson Wednesday. But I played with this little boy. I held him and showed him the dogs and read to him. Life doesn’t get much sweeter than this.

There is a neat little seafood restaurant about a mile from our house. People come from miles away to eat there; yet we seldom do. But last night we went there for a wonderful meal. We were both tired and hungry and it was great to travel such a short distance and have really good food. It is amazing to me how we can fail to take advantage of things in our life that others make a special effort to have. This is true with our blessings as well as our conveniences. Let’s take time today to really enjoy the blessings of our lives, whether it is family, health, intellect, sense of humor, compassion, whatever God has given you in good measure that you have taken for granted. Today use it, today enjoy it!

Silence! The glorious peaceful sound that comes from living on a little traveled road on the backside of nowhere. The knowing there will be no traffic on the road or the lake all will be quiet. A warm January night, no heat-pump running, just the wind, picking up, lulling me to sleep. Silence! The terrifying sound when you wake up and realize it is time for someone to be home and they are not there. You strain to here a car driving up only to realize there are none. Prayers uttered for safety, for comfort, for control of the wide-awake disease that has taken over my peaceful slumber. An hour passes and still no car. Plans surface. What will I do? Who will I call? Where is HE? More talk with God, “Help me”! “Give me peace of mind, give me patience, let my dog bark because he will hear the car before I do”! The dog barks; the car drives up almost two hours late. Relief floods my soul. I have to smile when the dog barks, he is predictable, he brought the answer to my prayer. Flying around bad weather delays flights. All was well. Talk ensued. What did the Dr. say? All is not well. Discussion. More prayer, much more. Silence! Laying there with things unsaid, hoping for the courage to talk about real important things. Silence as sleep finally takes over two worried minds, one turning it over to God, one needing to. Sleep comes at last.

Don’t you love to sweat? I might as well because it is something I do very well. But really its just makes you feel like you have accomplished something if you can work up a good sweat. I know many of you are sick of hearing about it, but it was 70 degrees here again yesterday. I played tennis from 5:00 till 7:00. I left the courts soaking wet with sweat, but extremely contented. It was still 67 degrees went I got in my vehicle. I know there is a lot to be said for 4 seasons, snow on the ground etc., but I will just keep my 70 degree January days, thank you very much.

I do feel for those who are experiencing such extremes in weather. Those folks in California are having a perfectly miserable January. Unfortunately when that cold air meets up with our warm air, we will have storms. It is that way on earth, every time you think you have found paradise the reality of a temporal planet rears its head. I think nature is God’s way of telling us not to get to comfortable here, it is just a pit stop in the great race of our lives.

Tonight my class is on love. It is fascinating to study what the Bible really means when it commands us to love vs. what we think it means. The most profound thought I came away with in this study is that agape love always results in action. When I think of love as action it both intrigues and scares me. I know there are folks I can’t change my “feelings” toward on my own, but I can DO something for them. Unfortunately, my feelings sometimes prevent me from wanting to DO anything. Anyway, I will let you know how the class goes.

Get out there and sweat some today!!

I am currently reading the Gospel of Mark. I think that if I had been a Gospel writer I would have been more like Mark than any of the others. He has so much to tell us, he just goes from event to event without a lot of “filler”. Sometimes I think I am getting to be a “lazy reader”. I want to skim down and get to the meat of what I am reading; I tend to skip the “color”. But have you ever wondered how Mark and Luke, who were not eye-witnesses to the life of Jesus, told the same events of His life as Matthew and John? These events were probably so spectacular that they were talked about over and over. I know that the writers were inspired, but still I don’t think God had them write about things they knew nothing about. One thing that truly intrigues me is the transfiguration. We are told that Peter, James and John said nothing of this until after the resurrection. Do you think they were bursting at the seams to tell it then? What great excitement to have had such a vision and to have kept it a secret.

Today is the 40th birthday of my sweet friend Celia Owens. She is such a wonderful person and great friend. She truly embraces life and can express and experience joy like no one I have ever met. I am blessed to be able to call her my friend. Spending time with Celia and my other friends are indeed some of the most special times in my life. The ability to share this walk of life with others who think and feel the same way, truly makes the journey more exciting. It is also good to share with those who do not always agree with you. I love the friends who will reel me in when I get precariously far out on that limb.

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

I had a laid back relaxing weekend. My husband is leaving for Denver today where he has to go every two years to be monitored on his beryllium disease. I was unable to go with him this time so I wanted to spend as much of my weekend as possible with him. It was very pleasant, very laid back, very unscheduled. I needed that kind of weekend.

Yesterday with church family was good. There are things that bug me that I guess I just have to learn to deal with. Although it was not a detailed presentation the budget was gone over at the beginning of service. I just don’t think this is the right time or the right place. Then the fact that it was listed with pride that 62% of our budget went to preaching the gospel, but only 7% to benevolence. Does that seem wrong to you or is it just me? Anyway, last nights prayer group time was good. It is always good to open our hearts to one another and intercede for each other.

Today I am little overwhelmed at work. Not with work but with my co-workers problems. It seems that everyone is dealing with great turmoil in their lives. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don’t have any great problems. I know that is not what God wants from me, but I still have the feeling at times. One of the men I work with is scared to death because of a lingering health problem. A lady I work with is dealing with her son in law pulling disappearing acts on her daughter and 2 year old to go and do crack. Another sweet lady I work with is in horrible marriage where she is just living from day to day with a man who can be physically and emotionally abusive.

Lord, please bless these people who need you so much in their lives right now; comfort strengthen and heal them. Help me to be your hands to these people that I love. Forgive me when I take my many blessings for granted and thank you for all the ways that you bless me. Keep David safe on his trip and Lord; please touch his heart that he too may seek You to guide his life.

I went home last night to inventory the books I had read in 2004 thinking I would post the list today; (inspired by fellow bloggers, Joe Cook and John Dobbs) but when my list got to over 40, I knew that I would be bored posting it and you would be bored reading it. So I decided to go with the highlights:

Best New Fiction Author (for me)
.....Brian Haig- I read all four of his books this year.
Best Beach Reads
.....Janet Evanovich- I read all 10 of the Stephanie Plum books this year.
Best Non-Fiction/Non-Spiritual
.....Joe Gibbs- Racing to Win (Terri I will get it back to you
Most Unusual Fiction
.....Jeff Berryman- Leaving Ruin
Best New Spiritual Author (again for me)
.....John Ortberg
Best Spiritual Books (sorry couldn’t pick just one)
.....John Ortberg- The Life You Have Always Wanted
.....Max Lucado- It’s Not About Me
.....Rubel Shelly & John York- The Jesus Proposal
.....Bob Russell- When God Answers Prayers
Most Thought Provoking Book (troubling might be a better word)
.....Joe Beam- Seeing the Unseen
Best re-read
.....Joe Beam- Forgiven Forever
So Glad the Series Has ended!
.....Tim Lahaye- The Glorious Appearing

I have many books still unread in my library, but I plan to be working on that. I am grateful that God blessed me with the ability and the love of reading. I think it is such a part of who I am that I would be incomplete without it. I adore my family and love spending time with friends and would never compromise that time with reading, but if I must choose between reading and cleaning or reading and shopping, reading will always be my first choice.

Have a great weekend all!

Last night we went around the room at the end of class and listed our primary New Years resolution that did not involve losing weight or getting in shape. I was impressed with the positive nature of the things listed and that some of the things had a direct bearing on our class. One lady in particular has stuck with me though. She said that she was going to quit letting one of her friends bother her by putting her down all of the time. She stated that it might even mean terminating the relationship. I realize that I have had a couple of those relationships in the last several years. Mine were not so much harmful because of put-downs or negative talk, but the relationship was just not helping me to be a better Christian. Sometimes many years and many tears are invested in these relationships. Many times the emptiness you feel afterward propels you back toward that person and you repeat the same cycle. Realizing that some people are just not meant to be a part of your life is sometimes the most difficult part of growth. I hope that we give a structure to support people when they have to make these difficult decisions. I know that even though I never discussed this issue with some of my closest friends, without them I would not have gotten through it.

In good news for the day, my difficult customer closed today. Maybe my life will be less filled with anxiety. In better news I went to a department store at lunch and picked up a couple of things that were 50% off. When I went to pay I found an old gift card in my wallet from this store and ask the sales clerk to see how much was on it, it had $50.38!! Money found!
Happy Thursday everyone.

Thanks for your kind words for my terrible last two days, but I think I have proven to myself again that attitude is everything. After letting this woman get me real upset (yeah, I even cried!) I had to go to the dentist. I was glad to be somewhere where speaking is not only not expected but frowned on. As I sat there thinking, I realized that she had gone to several other places and could get nowhere. I was the only one willing to make this work for her but it did not matter, nothing I could say or do was going to please her and furthermore, I was not the only person she treated like this, I wouldn’t be the last and it didn’t make me special. That and playing tennis last night has helped me put the whole thing (mostly) behind me.

With this experience and my committing to doing a few little things each day toward my goals of simplifying, made me go to bed content last night. God will not give me more than I can handle and perhaps I need this test to truly understand “I desire mercy not sacrifice”. I need to be me more merciful and less inclined to make this woman a “sin offering” (just kidding).

It was really good to get back on the tennis courts. I had so much fun and got some good exercise too.

Tonight I am finishing up on “slowing down & solitude” as disciplines to help us with our patience. It seems that everything I have read in the last week has pointed to this in one way or the other. I can’t wait to spend time with the ladies tonight. We are also going to list at least one resolution we have made that has nothing to do with weight or fitness. My ideal is for us to make a top ten list. Anybody got one they want to share….

BTW- I know I haven't shown you Matthew in a while. Look here to see that he is now driving!

Have you ever been all geared up to face work and deal with all the problems…opportunities, only to have a new arrow tossed at you? Yesterday I was refreshed and raring to go. I spent my first few minutes at work organizing as I had planned. I had got up early and worked out at home. I got to work early. I was making progress and I had things under control! (boy, I just said “I” a lot!). One of my customers called around 10:00 we were trying to get her closing scheduled for tomorrow. Well, when I left last week I did not know the lender I was using on her loan was closed yesterday. I was still going to do everything I could to get it closed I assured her. Well, there are volumes to this customer that I want go into, but I have jumped through hoops for her from the moment she walked into my office. I have listened to her rant about how we were not interested in her and getting her loan closed as well as other cutting remarks about her perceived lack of attention she was receiving from me. (hello! I work on commission; if loans don’t close I don’t make money!). Long story short, she called my boss to complain about me. She said I was incompetent and trying to keep her from getting her loan. My first emotion was hurt, not anger. I know you can’t please all the people, but really lady, what more can I do for you? I was very gratified that my boss stood up for me. He told her I knew more about her particular type of loan than anyone in town, and that he would have turned her loan down a long time ago. I will admit I stewed about this a lot longer than I should have, but one of the books I am reading talks about “pulling the tooth”, meaning to get rid of the negative in your life. I concentrated hard on that yesterday. (funny, the chapter I read last night was on "Hating Well", save that for another time). I will do my job and I will get her loan closed, I will not look back and let this woman torment me, but I will learn a lesson from this. There are some people you know you shouldn’t get involved with from the first time you meet them. I like to pride myself in getting most everyone a loan for a home, but I knew from the minute I met her she could not be made happy. I should have let that business go. There is no amount of money that is going to be worth what she has put me through.

So while my first day back at work was met with a challenge, I think I met it fairly well. While I can’t rid myself of this pain immediately, I will handle it quickly and efficiently (as I have been doing the whole time) and get her out of my life. I was even able to pray for her last night. I know that someone who is that miserable in life needs God.

Let’s see what challenges today brings! With God’s help I am sure I can face them.

I was right! My trip was a perfect cure for what ailed me. I needed to do some introspection for the upcoming year. I needed to rest, to regroup, to read, to write and just not to do anything on a schedule. I was able to do all of that and more. It was a wonderful time and the beauty and power of God always shout to me at the beach.

When I got home last night I noticed my peace plant had completely wilted. I took it to the kitchen and gave it a big drink of water and put it under the fluorescent lights. This morning it looked as good as new. I couldn’t help but think how much I was like that plant. I had to be taken out of my normal “spot” to find the refreshing that I needed. Thank you God for letting me be refreshed. Help me to keep all those promises I made to change my life slowly where I can more fully reflect you.